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Husband-Wife relationship

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي ; وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي ; وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي ; يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجاً لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And among His Signs is this that He created for you wives (spouses) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect.”

(Aayah No. 21, Surah Ar-Rūm, Chapter No. 30, Holy Qur’an).

It is indeed Allah’s mercy upon mankind that He created spouses for human beings and that too from their own kind. Imagine the world with humans living without a spouse. Or imagine if a spouse was not from same kind i.e. suppose a human had a spouse from community of Jinns etc. It would have been very difficult to achieve compatibility. Alhumdolillah, the mercy of The Almighty is vast. He has blessed the mankind with this beautiful relation of husband-wife.

The relation between husband & wife is unique. Each partner has lots of rights; but the rights do not come without responsibilities. Let us try to understand what are the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife.

If we talk about the rights of a wife, by default majority (not all though) of these cover the responsibilities of a husband, and the vice versa. So we shall not break-up our discussion into sub-headings of rights or responsibilities of a wife or a husband. Rather, we shall concentrate on the items most crucial in this relationship, as they come along in different stages of a married life, and try to highlight the roles of each partner in all of these.

1. Husband & Wife are screen for one another.

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ

“They are libas (i.e. body cover, screen, dress) for you and you are the same for them.”

(Aayah No. 187, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

This is an exceptional relation where the two have no Hijab among them. They are said to be screens or dress for each other. One should remember the strictness of Hijab to be observed by a lady. And some requirements of covering the Satr or Awra are to be observed even in front of the parents, siblings etc. But the only relation in which there is no Hijab is the relationship of husband & wife. And both partners have full liberty to this allowance.

2. It is obligatory for a husband to give Mahr to his wife.

وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِنْ طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ مِنْهُ نَفْساً فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئاً مَرِيئاً

“And give to the women their Mahr with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm.”

(Aayah No. 4, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

Mahr is the bridal money which a husband gives to his wife at the time of marriage. There is no specified rule to fix the amount of Mahr for any marriage. It depends upon financial status of the groom and is generally mutually agreed between the two parties (families of bride and groom).

It is an obligation on the husband’s part to give this money to his wife. And he is supposed to give it happily, not under compulsion. It is the right of his wife. Remember, it is totally up to the wife that she may waive off her Mahr partly; but she can’t be influenced to do so.

I wonder how many husbands follow this order from Allah.

3. Wives should not be treated harshly; it is their right to live honourably.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهاً وَلا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلاَّ أَنْ يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئاً وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْراً كَثِيراً

“O you who believe! You are prohibited to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sex; and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.”

(Aayah No. 4, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

This is a clear order from Allah for husbands to treat their wives with dignity, not to be harsh with them in words, actions etc. Every human has some shortcomings. It is natural for a wife also to have some negatives in her personality. But Allah advises the husbands to look into positives of the wives. Try to ignore her shortcomings and be patient. Let me quote a hadith in this context:

It was narrated from Umm Salamah (RA) that she brought some food in a dish of hers to Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) & his Companions, then Aishah (RA) came, wrapped up in a garment, with a stone pestle and broke the dish. The Prophet (PBUH) gathered the broken pieces of the dish and said (to his Companions), “Eat; your mother got jealous,” twice. Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) took the dish of Aishah (RA) and sent it to Umm Salamah (RA) and he gave the dish of Umm Salamah (RA) to Aishah (RA).

(Hadith No. 3408, Book of Kind Treatment of Women, Sunan An-Nasa’i, Vol. 4).

Imagine how would an average man behave if his wife smacked a dish out of jealousy in front of his guests? But our beloved Prophet (PBUH) observed patience. And he advised same thing to his followers, as can be seen in following hadith:

It was narrated that Abu Hurairah (RA) said: Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.”

(Hadith No. 3645 (1467), Book of Breastfeeding, Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4).


الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللاَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (then) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means. Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”

(Aayah No. 34, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

This beautiful verse explains many things. But majority of the Muslims (even scholars) have misinterpreted this verse. Let us look upon different messages from this verse, one-by-one.

4.1. Husband is care-taker (protector and maintainer) of his wife.

This verse from Holy Qur’an explains beautifully the status of husband and a wife in the relation; the responsibilities and rights of each other. But as I said earlier, this verse is misinterpreted by both genders in their cause. Let me explain the message in the verse. The first part tells us that men are protectors and maintainers of the women i.e. care-takers of the women. Some men take this verse as implying that men have a higher status over women, which is a wrong explanation. Men are physically stronger than women and they earn livelihood for them and their families. Earning bread is not an easy task and a person comes across so many hurdles which he has to overcome in order to earn livelihood. Then he spends it on his wife for all her needs. This is the responsibility of a husband. Along with this, husband has to protect his wife from all worries of outer world, from bad eyes of people and give her a dignified life along with his love. Refer to following hadith:

It was reported from Hakim bin Mu’awiyah Al-Qushairi, fom his father, that he asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What are the rights that our wives have over us?” He replied, “That you feed her when you eat, and clothe her when you wear clothes, and that you avoid hitting her in face or disgracing her, and that you avoid abandoning her except at home.”

(Hadith No. 2142, Book of Marriage, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2).

This is what is meant by men being care-takers of the women; there is no question of men having a higher status over women. It is just Allah’s decision to make men responsible for this job. So, women should not feel that this verse is against them. Neither should men try to use this verse to emphasize their superiority over women.

4.2. Women should be obedient to their husbands.

Then Allah orders women to be obedient to their husbands. For a wife, obedience and/or disobedience to her husband may decide her fate in the Hereafter. If a lady is obedient to her husband and keeps her husband pleased, she enters Paradise. Refer to following hadith:

Umm Salamah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.”

(Hadith No. 1161, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).

Let me clarify that obeying a husband is obligatory for a wife; but she is not supposed to obey her husband if he orders her to do anything that leads to disobedience of Allah and His Messenger (PBUH). Refer to following hadith:

Narrated Aishah (RA): An Ansari woman gave her daughter in marriage and the hair of the latter started falling out. The Ansari woman came to the Prophet (PBUH), mentioned that to him and said, “Her husband suggested that I should let her wear false hair.” The Prophet (PBUH) said, “No, for Allah sends His curse upon such ladies who lengthen their hair artificially.”

(Hadith No. 5205, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

This tells us that although women are supposed to obey their husbands, but any order or wish of the husband that leads to disobedience of Allah and His Messenger (PBUH) is not to be obeyed by the wives. This is a clear ruling for all to understand.

Therefore, it should be understood that husbands have no right to stop their wives from meeting her parents, brothers, sisters and other blood relatives. Similarly, if a husband asks his wife to abandon Hijab and wear modern revealing outfits, she is not supposed to obey him at all.

Now let us see what are the consequences of a woman not obeying her husband and not keeping him happy?

Narrated Abdullah bin Abbas (RA): During the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger (PBUH), the sun eclipsed, Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) offered the Salat (of eclipse) and so did the people along with him. He performed a long Qiyam during which ‘Surah Al-Baqarah’ could have been recited; then he performed a prolonged bowing, then he raised his head and stood for a long time which was slightly less than that of the first Qiyam. Then he performed a prolonged bowing again, but the period was shorter than the period of the first bowing, then he stood up and then prostrated. Again he stood up, but this time the period of standing was less than the first standing. Then he performed a prolonged bowing but of a lesser duration than the first, then he stood up again for a long time but for a lesser duration than the first. Then he performed a prolonged bowing but of lesser duration than the first, and then he stood up again, and then prostrated and then finished his Salat. By then the sun eclipse had cleared. The Prophet (PBUH) then said, “The sun and the moon are two signs among the signs of Allah, and they do not eclipse because of death or birth of someone, so when you observe eclipse, remember Allah.” They (the people) said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! We saw you stretching your hand to take something at this place of yours, then we saw you stepping backward.” He said, “I saw Paradise, and I stretched my hand to pluck a bunch (of grapes), and had I plucked it, you would have eaten of it as long as this world exists. Then I saw Hell (Fire), and I have never seen such a horrible sight as that before, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What is the reason for that?” He replies, “Because of their disbelief.” It was said, “Do they disbelieve in Allah (are they ungrateful to Allah)?” He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and ungrateful to Al-Ihsan (good favours done to them). Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she sees something (not of her liking) from you, she will say: I have never seen any good from you.”

(Hadith No. 5197, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

Thus, a wife disobedient and ungrateful to her husband does nothing but prepares bad for herself in the Hereafter.

4.3. Wife as a guardian

Let us go back to Aayah No. 34, Surah An-Nisa’, where Allah mentions that woman is a guardian in her husband’s absence. The husband goes out to earn livelihood. The wife stays at home. It is her duty, in absence of her husband, to be a guardian. But what is she supposed to guard?

Narrated Ibn Umar (RA): The Prophet (PBUH) said, “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your words. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his off-spring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your words.”

(Hadith No. 5200, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

This makes it clear that it the responsibility of a wife to take care of her husband’s house, their children and her husband’s wealth, when he is away from the home. She is not supposed to allow anyone enter his home (in his absence as well as presence) whom he disapproves of. Apart from this, she has to guard her chastity in absence of her husband. If the parents of her husband are alive and live with them, it is her responsibility to take care of them.

Please remember, taking care of husband’s home and up-bringing of the children (i.e. the role of a lady as a wife and as a mother) is the biggest responsibility of a woman. Children spend more of their time at home with their mothers. Fathers are away from home due to their works. Therefore, the kids grow learning basic values of life and Islam from their mothers. Kids look up to their mother for getting their food, their clothing and other day-to-day works done. This takes a lot of effort for a woman. But this is what Allah wants her to do, for her success in the Hereafter depends on all this. Let me quote an example of the daughter of the Prophet (PBUH); refer to following hadith:

Narrated Ali (RA): Fatima (RA) went to the Prophet (PBUH) complaining about her sufferings and hurts from the stone mill on her hands. She heard that the prophet (PBUH) had received few slave girls. But she did not find him, so she mentioned her problem to Aishah (RA). When the Prophet (PBUH) came, Aishah (RA) informed him about that. Ali (RA) added: So the Prophet (PBUH) came to us when we had gone to bed. We wanted to get up but he said, “Stay where you are.” Then he came and sat between me and her, and I felt the coldness of his feet on my abdomen. He said, “Shall O direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed, say ‘Subhan Allah‘ thirty-three times, ‘Alhumdolillah‘ thirty-three times, and ‘Allah-o-Akbar‘ thirty-four times, for that is better for you than a servant.”

(Hadith No. 5361, Book of Provision, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

Just give a thought to this narration. The Prophet (PBUH) could have given the servant to his daughter who had to do a lot of hard work in her husband’s house. But see what his suggestion was instead?

Our Muslim sisters should take inspiration from Fatima (RA). Take her as a role model and stop worrying about the hard work you have to do at your homes. Allah shall reward you for that in the Hereafter.

4.4. Husband can discipline his wife.

This is another important part of the verse (Aayah No. 34, Surah An-Nisa’) which has been misinterpreted widely. Muslim men take the ruling of this verse as an excuse for physically assaulting their wives. Their ignorance and support from some incompetent scholars lead to raised eyebrows and Islam being wrongly portrayed as a religion that promotes male chauvinism. Let us try to understand this ruling in a correct manner.

It is mentioned that if the conduct of wife is bad i.e. she is doing acts which are affecting the peace of the family, trying to revolt against the husband unnecessarily, not respecting her parents-in-law, not obeying her husband’s genuine wishes etc., the husband is supposed to try talk to her and persuade her to make the things amicable. This is the first thing that he is supposed to do. But if this step fails to convince his wife and she keeps doing her ill-conduct, he should stop sharing bed with her i.e. stop making physical relations with her, as a means of expressing his annoyance and admonishing her. If this is able to solve the problem, then it is fine; but if still the lady does not comes to peace, then Allah has given the right to the husband to beat her i.e. physically hit her, to settle the problems and bring the lady to discipline.

Now a word apiece to both genders:

Why do women feel bad by this ruling? Are they of the opinion that they be allowed to do whatever they want to do, irrespective of how bad effects their conduct might have on the families? And men should understand that hitting their wives is the last option. There are two other steps to be observed before resorting to hitting your wife. It is not correct as per Islam to jump on to the third option straightaway and use this verse of Qur’an to your excuse. Plus, men should remember that if at all the third and last resort is to be used, then three conditions are to be observed:

a. Do not hit her on face.

b. Do not disgrace and abandon her in public.

c. Hit her lightly; you can’t flog her like flogging a slave.

The first two rulings are covered by the hadith mentioned in Section 4.1. The third ruling is covered by following hadith:

Narrated Abdullah bin Zam’a: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “None of you should flog his wife as he flogs a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day.”

(Hadith No. 5204, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

Clearly, it is only light beating that is allowed, that too as a last resort, if someone feels that can be helpful. But the moment a lady realizes her mistake and agrees to reconcile and make the things peaceful, the husband has no right to beat her anymore.

I request all husbands to understand this ruling of Islam and not to misuse it.

5. Right of physical intimacy

5.1. Husband’s right

Talq bin Ali narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come even if she is at the oven.”

(Hadith No. 1160, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).

When the husband calls, it is the duty of the wife to satisfy her husband. If she refuses, the consequences are as mentioned below:

Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry at her, the angels curse her until the next morning.”

(Hadith No. 5193, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7; Hadith No. 2141, Book of Marriage, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2).

In another similar narration reported by Muslim, it is mentioned that the angels curse such a woman and are not pleased till the husband of that woman is pleased with her. However, if the wife has a genuine reason for refusing (like being sick, going through her menstrual cycles etc.), there is no sin on her.

5.2. Wife’s right

Such a right is not only reserved for a husband. A wife also is a human being and she also has desires. Unlike a husband, she might feel shy of putting her desires in front of her husband, but Islam makes the husband take care of this. It is the right of a wife that her husband provides her physical satisfaction. Refer to following hadith:

Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As (RA): Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in Salat all night?” I said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)!” He said, “Do not do that. Observe the Saum sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for Salat at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.”

(Hadith No. 5199, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

5.3. Husband’s responsibility of not disclosing secrets of his wife

Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri (RA) said: Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “One of the most evil people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who is intimate with his wife and she is intimate with him, then he publicizes her secrets.”

(Hadith No. 3542 (1437), Book of Marriage, Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4).

It is shameful on part of a husband to discuss about the intimate moments of her wife with him in front of others. This damages the modesty of the lady, and Islam takes the issue of modesty (especially of women) very seriously. Allah considers such a man to be one of the most evil of the men.

5.4. Wife should not observe Saum (nawafil) without her husband’s permission.

Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “It is not lawful for a lady to observe Saum (nawafil) without permission of her husband when he is at home, and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his consent; and whatever she spends of his wealth without being ordered by him, he will get half of the reward.”

(Hadith No. 5195, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

The reason is that if the husband is at home, then he might feel the urge for physical intimacy. Then if the wife is observing Saum, his requirement will remain unfulfilled. One should not be surprized to learn that husband’s right has been put above nawafil Ibadah. This is the beauty of Islam, for the one who tries to understand it.

This hadith also gives us the clarification about the matter discussed in Section 4.3.

6. Treatment with in-laws

Treatment of in-laws plays very important part in keeping the relations between husband and wife sweet or sour.

It is responsibility of a husband that he gives proper respect to all relatives of his wife. He should understand what feelings his wife has for her relatives and should ensure that her feelings are not hurt. Special care should be taken regarding parents and siblings of the wife. Sadly, some Muslim husbands tend to behave with her relatives in a rude manner, and stop their wives from meeting their parents and other relatives. Islam does not allow this. This is bound to hurt her feelings and have a bad effect on their marital relation.

Responsibility of a wife is even more. She lives with the in-laws and has to tread a more dangerous path; a path that could make or break her life, depending upon how she handles her course. It is very important that the wife shows utmost respect to parents of her husband and take proper care of them. Unfortunately, a woman makes this as the biggest threat to her peaceful married life. Majority of the marital disaccords occur due to strained relations between the wife and her parents-in-law (especially mother-in-law). Wife has to understand that if she does not behave properly with her parents-in-law, that wouldn’t please her husband. Even if her parents-in-law are not right in their treatment with her, she should adopt the course of patience.

Similarly, she should treat relatives of her husband with proper respect and dignity. But there is a word of caution here: Relatives of husband include his male brothers and cousins too. It is important that the wife treats them well, but Islam asks her to maintain a distance with them. It is not allowed for her to intermingle with them closely. Following hadith says it all:

Uqbah bin Amir narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Beware of entering upon women.” So a man from the Ansar said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What do you think about the Hamu?” So he said, “The Hamu is death.”

(Hadith No. 1171, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).

Hamu stands for those relatives of the husband who are not Mahram i.e. the brothers, cousins etc. It is disliked for the woman to be alone with them or too close to them. The reason for this is obvious and need not be explained.

7. Right of a wife to get education

In present times, by the time they marry, most of the women have completed their education. However, if a woman has not completed her education by the time of her marriage, she has full right to complete her education, as it is obligatory on every Muslim to be educated. And the husband must take it as his responsibility to ensure that his wife completes her education. She even has the right to get educated more. But the wife should be honest in her pursuit of education. She should go for really useful education (some recommended educational courses for women shall be evident in next section), because she already has some big responsibilities on her shoulders as a wife which might be affected. Therefore, it is her duty to maintain a balance between her studies and her responsibilities as a wife towards her husband, home and kids.

8. Right of a wife to pursue professional career

From Islamic point of view, there is no harm if a married woman works. She is allowed to pursue professional careers, earn money and grow in their careers on equal terms with males. Example can be taken of Syeda Khadija (RA); she was a successful businesswoman.

In fact Islam recommends women to pursue certain careers. For example: it is responsibility of our society to produce female doctors specialized in gynaecology and radiology. Islamic principles ask for treatment of women patients for gynaecological problems exclusively by female doctors. Similarly, Muslim society should have specialized female doctors to carry out tests like Ultrasound etc. for female patients.

In order that women pursue these careers, they need to study these courses. Here comes need of another career for Muslim females, that of a teacher, who can teach these courses to female students.

Therefore, it is need of the hour that females come forward and take on meaningful career roles. There is also no harm if a wife intends to pursue any of her creative hobbies (like craft, arts etc.). Such works can be done from home itself.

Husbands should be understanding and supportive in such cases.

However, there are certain conditions which should be met if a woman has to pursue a profession. These are as follows:

  1. The professional career of a wife should not affect her marital life. If it is against the wish of her husband (reason could be any), such a career should not be pursued.
  2. The professional career of a wife should not lead her to ignore her duties towards her home and kids. If her career means leaving the kids unattended at home, at the mercy of maids, then such a career has to be abandoned.
  3. The career she opts for should be a meaningful one. I have already mentioned few such careers above. Tell me what is the point in a lady working as a bank executive, or on any other similar post? This point hurts me a lot when I connect it to times of recession like nowadays. Several women can be seen working in places just for the sake of pursuing their careers (they might not be requiring money as the financial needs of their families might have been taken care of by their husbands already), whereas on the other hand, several men have lost their jobs and finding it difficult to earn bread for their families. Imagine, if these ladies had not been working, it would have created extra vacancies that could have helped many men earn livelihood for their families.
  4. Working ladies should ensure that they observe all do(s) and don’t(s) for women in Islam, like Hijab etc.
  5. Even if a woman pursues her profession, the primary responsibility of providing the family with food, clothes etc. remains with the husband. In case the woman is forced to work out of necessity (if her husband is dead or she has no one else to earn livelihood for her family), then she bears the responsibility of providing her family the daily necessities, and in such a case, she can even go for any honourable profession (be it a clerical job or sales etc.).

9. Men have the right to keep more than one wife; wife doesn’t have the right to do so.

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَى فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلاَّ تَعُولُوا

“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry women of your choice, two or three or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.”

(Aayah No. 3, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

Thus, it is allowed for men to have four wives at a time. But the condition is that one has to deal with all his wives with equality in all respects, otherwise he should not marry more than one.

But a woman is not allowed to have more than one husband at a time. We have discussed about this subject already in a separate place (refer to the article regarding ‘Polygamy’).

One point I wish to clarify in this matter. Women are of the opinion that their husband has to seek their permission for marrying another lady. This is a wrong concept. There is no requirement for a man to take permission from his existing wife in case he wishes to marry someone else. However, it is recommended that he consults with the existing wife (or wives). But if he does not consult, there is no sin on him. Therefore, women should remember that they cannot stop their husbands from a thing for which Allah has given them the permission. On the other hand, using this permission for wrong intentions shall be sinful on husband’s part and Allah will punish him accordingly.

10. Divorce

Divorce is one legitimate thing which Allah dislikes most. There is a complete separate chapter in Qur’an about the details of divorce (Surah At-Talaq, Chapter No. 65). The details related to divorce are too big to be covered fully here. So, we shall restrict our talk to major points only.

First thing to remember is that a husband can divorce his wife, but it cannot be the other way around (i.e. a wife cannot divorce her husband).

But does that mean a wife has to keep bearing the ill-effects of her strained relation with her husband? No; a woman can ask for Al-Khul.

10.1. Al-Khul

Al-Khul means parting of wife from her husband by giving him certain compensation. Refer to following verse:

فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ

“Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back for her Al-Khul;”

(Aayah No. 229, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

But she should not use this unless there is a genuine reason, because it is told to us by the Prophet (PBUH) that Paradise is prohibited for such a woman:

It was narrated from Thawban (RA) that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

(Hadith No. 2055, Chapters on Divorce, Sunan Ibn Majah, Vol. 3). 

10.2. Al-Ila

Al-Ila refers to an oath taken by a husband that he would not approach his wife for a certain period. This is referred to in following verse of Holy Qur’an:

لِلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِنْ نِسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ فَإِنْ فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

“Those who take oath not to have sexual relation with their wives for four months, then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

(Aayah No. 226, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

This is something which husbands and wives should be careful about. If a husband announces Al-Ila, then he has to complete the period he has announced. But there is something which requires caution related to this. Refer to following hadith:

Narrated Nafi: Ibn Umar (RA) used to say about Al-Ila which Allah defined, “If the period of Ila expires, then the husband has either to retain his wife in a handsome manner or to divorce her as Allah has ordered.” Ibn Umar (RA) added, “When the period of four months has expired, the husband should be put in prison so that he should divorce his wife, but the divorce does not occur unless the husband himself declares it. This has been mentioned by Uthman (RA), Ali (RA), Abu Ad-Darda (RA), Aishah (RA) and twelve other Companions of the Prophet (PBUH).”

(Hadith No. 5290, Book of Divorce, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

This tells us that the maximum period for a safe Al-Ila is four months. If someone announces Al-Ila for a period less than four months, he can take back his wife. But if the period of Al-Ila exceeds four months, then it becomes obligatory on the husband to divorce his wife after completion of the period of Al-Ila.

11. Women have the right to complain.

Some people are of the opinion that a wife has to obey her husband silently, even if he treats her in a wrong manner; she is not supposed to complain about her husband, as he is her appointed Imam. This is yet another wrong concept. We have already talked that a wife is not supposed to obey her husband if he asks her to do anything against the will of Allah and His Messenger (PBUH). Now if such a situation leads to clash, then what shall the lady do? Should she keep quiet? No; Islam has given her the right to complain about her husband. Refer to following:

It was narrated from Aishah (RA) that she said: “Praise be to Allah Whose hearing encompasses all voices. Khawlah came to Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) complaining about her husband, but I could not hear what she said. Then Allah, the Mighty & Sublime, revealed:

قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ

“Indeed Allah has heard the statement of her that disputes with you concerning her husband, and complains to Allah. And Allah hears the argument between you both. Verily, Allah is All-Hearer, All-Seer.” – Aayah No. 1, Surah Al-Mujadilah, Chapter No. 58, Holy Qur’an.

(Hadith No. 3490, Book of Divorce, Sunan An-Nasa’i, Vol. 4).

This is regarding Khawlah bint Tha’labah who came to Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) complaining about her husband, and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! He spent my wealth, exhausted my youth and my womb bore abundantly for him. When I became old, unable to bear children, he pronounced Zihar on me. O Allah! I complain to you.” Zihar means saying of a husband to his wife that ‘you are unlawful to me for co-habitation just like my mother’. On this Surah Al-Mujadilah was revealed.

Therefore, a woman has a right of raising her voice and complaining about her husband, in case he does not deal with her justly.

12. Husband and Wife have a share of inheritance from wealth of each other after the death of their spouse.

وَلَكُمْ نِصْفُ مَا تَرَكَ أَزْوَاجُكُمْ إِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُنَّ وَلَدٌ فَإِنْ كَانَ لَهُنَّ وَلَدٌ فَلَكُمْ الرُّبُعُ مِمَّا تَرَكْنَ مِنْ بَعْدِ وَصِيَّةٍ يُوصِينَ بِهَا أَوْ دَيْنٍ وَلَهُنَّ الرُّبُعُ مِمَّا تَرَكْتُمْ إِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَكُمْ وَلَدٌ فَإِنْ كَانَ لَكُمْ وَلَدٌ فَلَهُنَّ الثُّمُنُ مِمَّا تَرَكْتُمْ مِنْ بَعْدِ وَصِيَّةٍ تُوصُونَ بِهَا أَوْ دَيْنٍ

“In that which your wives leave, your share is a half if they have no child; but if they leave a child, you get a fourth of that which they leave after payment of legacies that they may have bequeathed or debts. In that which you leave, their share (wives’) is a fourth, if you have no child; but if you leave a child, they get an eighth of that which you leave after payment of legacies that you may have bequeathed or debts.”

(Aayah No. 12, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

Husband and wife have a share from each other’s wealth if either of them dies; and the percentage is determined according to this glorious verse of Holy Qur’an.

13. Iddah

Iddah, the waiting period, is an obligation upon the wife. She has to observe Iddah in two cases: if she is divorced or when her husband dies. The period of Iddah is different for different cases.

وَاللاَّئِي يَئِسْنَ مِنْ الْمَحِيضِ مِنْ نِسَائِكُمْ إِنْ ارْتَبْتُمْ فَعِدَّتُهُنَّ ثَلاثَةُ أَشْهُرٍ وَاللاَّئِي لَمْ يَحِضْنَ وَأُوْلاتُ الأَحْمَالِ أَجَلُهُنَّ أَنْ يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْراً

“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the Iddah, if you have doubt (about their periods) is three months; and for those who have no courses, their Iddah is three months likewise, except in case of death. And for those who are pregnant (divorced or widowed), their Iddah is until they lay down their burden; and whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him.”

(Aayah No. 4, Surah At-Talaq, Chapter No. 65, Holy Qur’an).

And in Surah Al-Baqarah, Allah says:

وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنْكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجاً يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْراً فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا فَعَلْنَ فِي أَنفُسِهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرٌ

“And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they (the wives) shall wait for four months & ten days, then when they have fulfilled their term, there is no sin on you if they dispose of themselves in a just and honourable manner. And Allah is Well-Acquainted with what you do.”

(Aayah No. 234, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 02, Holy Qur’an).

This can be summarized as follows:

  1. A widow has to observe an Iddah period of four months and ten days.
  2. Iddah period for women who are divorced is three months.
  3. If the lady is pregnant, then the delivery of her child ends her Iddah period (whether she is a divorced lady or a widow).

There is no such obligation for a Muslim husband, for obvious reasons.

Concluding Remarks

I have tried to talk about most of the issues which one can come across in husband-wife relation, and that has made the discussion a bit lengthy too. But it is necessary that all of us know what the Islamic rulings about the relation between husband and a wife are.

Husbands should adopt a soft attitude towards their wives. It is their duty to take care of them, provide them with shelter, food, clothing and take care of all their daily requirements. They should treat them well, love them and be friendly with them. Following hadith should be kept in mind:

Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “The most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.”

(Hadith No. 1162, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).

Women should understand that their fate in the Hereafter depends how they treat their husbands. It can lead them to Paradise or to Hell. Obedience to their husbands, keeping their husbands pleased and respecting them are the most important of the duties of a righteous wife. The amount of respect that a husband deserves can be understood very well by following hadith:

Qais bin Sa’d said: I visited Al-Hirah, and saw that its inhabitants would prostrate to their nobles. I said (to myself), ‘Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) has more right that (people) prostrate to him.’ So I returned to the prophet (PBUH) & said, ‘I visited Al-Hirah, and saw that its inhabitants would prostrate to their nobles. And you, O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH), have more right that we prostrate to you.’ He replied, “I ask you, if you passed by my grave, would you prostrate to it?” I replied, “No.” He replied, “Then don’t do so! Were I to command any person to prostrate to another, I would have commanded the women to prostrate to their husbands, due to the rights that Allah has given them over their wives.”

(Hadith No. 2140, Book of Marriage, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2).

May Allah grant wisdom, patience and temperament to all husbands and wives to honour this beautiful relationship.

And Allah knows best.

May Allah forgive me if I am wrong and guide us to the right path…Ameen.

.سُبْحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِّ الْعِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون َ ; وَسَلامٌ عَلَى الْمُرْسَلِينَ ; وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ


  1. My husband’s family is harsh to me from the beginning. They didn’t want my husband to get married because he was so loyal to them. They took his all money, even the gifts my parents gave to me. They always insult and oppressed me.However, my husband didn’t remember those.He always accuses me that I am rude. He gave his first wife lots of present but didn’t give me. My kids and I are suffering but he is not eager to bring his property from his sister and brother. I dont know if its his mental problem. What should I do ?

  2. How if my husband always hard talking to me when ever we were fight each other?
    We live separated cause he on abroad for job. Never want live together. He always said he have job far for future, but he sent money not enough for our live (me and baby) and never ever buy dress for me as wife and babies. But he could buy few shop and land.
    If we were fight, he always says that don’t ever calls him again cause he don’t want any more relation with me. What should i do?

  3. What surah to be recited to bring peace between husbnd and wife

    • Salam alaikum warahmatallah,

      There is no such particular verse or Chapter from Qur’an or any other supplication proven by Sunnah to be recited in order to make peace between husband and wife. The best way is to pray to Allah with a clean niyyah of getting peace, do the best on one’s part to ensure that he/she is doing his/her responsibilties duly towards his/her spouse, and leave the rest to Allah. My suggestion is that we should not limit ourselves to reading only; rather, we should understand our obligations as per instructions/rulings of Qur’an and act on them. If we all act carfeully according to Qur’an, the relationships will be fine, Insha’Allah.

      And Allah knows best.

      Jazak Allah.

  4. alhumdulliah I hv completed 4yrs of my marriege but no children, & I think becoz of this reason my husband treat rudely with me ,he easily gets angry on me, but I love him so much that cannot live without him. taken treatment also pls pray for me & pls suggest me what to do?

  5. im waiting for reply

    • Salam alaikum sister. Response to your query has been sent to your email id.

      Jazak Allah.

      • Salam
        I just wanted to know that the daily chours wich wife do at home for her husband like his laundry , preparing meal etc are Wajib on her or if she is doing that means its an act of kindness from herself ( Meant that is it responsibility of a wife to do husband’s work mentioned above or its upto her that if she wants she can but if she doesn’t want she can not) kindly share your opinion with reference to Quran and Hadith

        • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

          Aayah No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’ describes responsibilities of men and women in husband-wife relationship. Allah ordains on a man to go out for earning livelihood for his family (wife and children). And wife is ordained to take care of the home. So, an ideal Muslim wife should take care of all house chores as her duty. You won’t find any direct verse or hadith where it will be mentioned that wife should (or should not) do laundry of husband’s clothes. But if we read life of Syeda Fatima (RA), the greatest woman in mankind, our Muslim sisters can get example to follow.

          If we start going into bits and pieces of who is supposed to do laundry and who is supposed to cook food, and try to argue on such things, we won’t go anywhere, rather we will end up in an argument that shall have bad effect on marital life.

          And Allah knows best.

  6. I m confused ..if my husband is getting xtreme nowadays he is in mosque most of da time n when he is bak home he is busy doing azkar. ..he was not religious before I convenced him to do so …but now if he doeant gime time ..??he s ny balancing his life n slep nor his health
    Wat does islam says ??
    Getting xtreme n deducting wifes n family rights r allowed???
    My questioon is wa tv does islam says in ths regard ..

    • Salam alaikum sister.

      You need to assess husband’s behavior carefully. If he is spending his time in worship of Allah, that is good and you should appreciate it. At the same time, if you genuinely feel that your husband is going to extremes in his worship, then it is a matter of concern. Islam does not advocate extremism. The Prophet (PBUH) had cursed the people who went to extremes in all matters (including religion).

      Also, if he is not fulfilling his responsibilities towards you in any form, thereby meaning that he is not giving you your rights, that again is a matter of concern. You, as a wife, have certain rights; all these are explained very clearly in the article “Husband-Wife Relationship”. And your husband is obliged to provide you all your rights. If he does not do so, he is wrong.

      The matter is for you guys to assess as to whether it is just a normal extended devotion to Almighty on your husband’s part, or is he really going to extremes thereby neglecting his family including you and others.

      What Islam wants is that Muslims should follow a balanced path. We should do acts and deeds which we can do regularly with ease. Going to extremes is not allowed in Islam, whether it is in form of shortage in any act or whether it is in form of going beyond the limits in any action.

      And Allah knows best.

      I hope this answers your query.

      Jazak Allah.

  7. Asalamalaikum
    3months ago,after ongoing bullying from my mother in law and sister in law,with whom myself and my husband live with,caused a serious but unnecessary problem between myself and my husband.they said awful untrue things about me,to my husband(because they were not happy that he was happy with me and I was pregnant and he had ordered a new car for us,as he didnt want to buy an old one(which would need general maintenance etc). they called me a liar,they used maybe 1 word from a topic we had spoken about,yet they hid the negative words they said about my husband and they made out that I was the one who said bad things about him,when I didn’t.
    My husband has a very bad temper and reacts to his mum and sister’s comments and emotional blackmail by either swearing at me,bringing up divorce or hitting me. On this occasion he swore at me and wanted me to leave the house.this was at 1.15am. I did as he said because I was scared of his mum and sister(to whom I had always treated well eventhough they would always pick on me and cause problems in our marriage).i went to my patent’s house,which is where I still am.
    a weeks free that we saw the imaam and he told my husband that he needs to be lenient with me and another thing was to get a lock fitted on our bedroom door because his mother and father would enter our bedroom and I wasn’t fully dressed on occasions.my husband said that everything will be okay and noone from his family will say anything me or him and that they will treat us like we have just had our nikkah.
    The following day,myself and my husband briefly met,he was angry,he kept saying his mum says I’m a liar and that she is telling the truth and that I’m a proven liar.i said I am not lying,I said I believe in honesty.my husband hit me on my head and I was crying,hurt.
    He went into the masjid as he had zikr that eve.i had noone to turn to,he wasn’t speaking to me and he hadn’t spoken to me calmly,I knew that we were fine in our meeting with the imaam and now after he had spoken to his family to say I would be coming home,they made him angry by saying things to him,which is why he kept saying his mum isn’t a liar and that I am.
    I didn’t call the police,I called a different line for advice as I saw that the masjid were not successful in helping us.the people I spoke to said this is assault and I am pregnant and he has been violent with me before,so I need to make a report now because if anything happens to me,they will be held responsible for not doing anything.the police took a report from me but wanted to arrest and charge my husband. I said no that I didn’t want them to proceed as he is my husband and his parents still haven’t come to my parents house as they should do,to reconcile. I said they have already said divorce and are saying the imaam has told my husband that I should have an abortion(this was said before the police took action against my will).the police said they won’t do anything.
    Howeve a week later,they cautioned my husband because they feared hat he would do something to me.
    my husband continued to be drawn to divorce,with influence from his family and he emailed me 1 talaak.

    I have been told that it doesn’t count until I give birth and that he was completely wrong to treat me badly as a result of his mother and sister’s untrue comments towards me infront of him and how this has continued 3mnths later. 2months since he emailed me 1 talaak. they have not treated me fairly.they have removed my belongings from their home,does them outside my parents’ home and they kept alot of my valuable belongings,aswel as what they have me on our wedding.my husband is not communicating with me.
    can you please advise me on my circumstances as my husband,nor anyone from his family has tried to help is reconcile,his family has actually made things escalate and are using his caution as the reason for abortion and divorce,when my husband said these atleast a week before the caution.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah Sister.

      Response to your message has been sent to your email id.

      Jazak Allah.

      • thankyou for your response to my issue.alhmd the advice you have given is what I understand as being the way a wife should be treated by her husband.unfortunately my inlaws seem to be making up their own rules as can be seen from my 1st post here.
        my mother in law did call my mother but she twisted everything my mother said,so that whoever was in the room with her at the time thought that my mum was being difficult and disrespectful,when it was my mother in law who was making things escalate by immediately twisting things my mother had said. my family are afraid to speak to my inlaws for this reason,but I think that maybe the only way to resolve anything is to speak to the pir?do you think this is the sensible thing to do?eventhough my inlaws want me to stay quiet about what they have out me through and the way they are treating me now…like I am nothing to them.they are also hiding from people that I am expecting,because it contradicts the lies they are telling people about myself and my husband being unhappy in our marriage from day 1.
        this is a big challenge for myself,test from Allah swt.

        • Salam alaikum sister,

          Keep your tawakkul in Allah. Pray to Him. Do not do any wrong from your side. Insha’Allah all your affairs shall be set right by the Almighty. Going to Pirs etc. doesn’t make sense; is not correct; it leads to shirk. Pray to Allah direct.

          May Allah set your affairs right.

          Jazak Allah.

  8. As salamu alaikum

    For some reason my father is angry on my mother and its a long running but exposed sometimes.
    my father has a doubt that my mother had relation with other person(my uncle{aunties husband }). thats not true at all , no base of that and we are very shamed of that. my mother is very religious person as my father know that.whenever he see my uncle in any function he gets very angry internally and its comes on his behave. my mother already told my father with sake of quran and my brother that she is not doing that. still my father mind not geting cool. he prays to allah loudly about this thing so my mother can hear that. its kind of mental torcher. she cry and getting mental herself. its very hard to talk with father about this issue. then also i advised my father to read quran and hadith in our language to understand and getting peace.
    can you advised or quote some quran and hadith so i can give him how to deal when this kind of confusion comes on mind.he is age of 66 years . Advanced thanks for your attention

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah brother.

      May Allah bring peace and reconciliation in your family.

      As for advice for your father, please take his attention to rulings of Qur’an for such matters which are clarified in Surah An-Nur (Chapter No. 24). If a man accuses his wife on account of chastity, he should produce four witnesses in support of the accusation. If four witnesses testify then the charges are established. But if he doesn’t have four witnesses except himself alone, then he should testify four times himself in the name of Allah (4 baar Allah ki qasam khaayein) that his accusation is true. Also, he will have to testify a fifth one saying that if he is wrong and telling a lie against her wife, then let Allah’s Curse fall on him. This shall make your mother liable for punishment (i.e. stoning to death). But if your mother also testifies four times by the name of Allah that she is innocent and her husband is telling lies, and then testifies fifth time that if she is telling lie and her husband is true then may Allah’s curse fall on her, then she is free to live without getting any punishment in this world. After doing this, the matter is in hands of Allah. He will punish the culprit.

      This is what the Islamic ruling is about this matter. I hope your father and mother understand this, and the severity associated with this matter; whoever lies shall invite Allah’s wrath upon him/her. Please explain this to them so that they get careful in their accusations/defence.

      Insha’Allah this should solve the problem.

      And Allah knows best.

      Jazak Allah.

      • Why didn’t you mention the whole of the punishment? A man who accuses his wife of not being chaste and does not produce four witnesses then he is to be lashed 80 times! You were quick to mention a woman’s punishment..

        • Dear Sister,

          Your understanding is slightly wrong. The punishment of 80 lashes is not for the case when a husband accuses his wife, rather it is for the case when a man accuses any other chaste woman and is not able to produce 4 witnesses. In case of husband accusing his wife of fornication, the ruling is as what has been explained earlier. Hopeully, the matter is clear to you now.

          There is no such intention to highlight punishment for a woman and not to disclose the punishment for a man. You are requested to understand the things with unbiased frame of mind, and refrain from making unwarranted complaints.

          Jazak Allah.

  9. I live in south africa with my husband.. His brother is also staying with us who is just a 1 year younger to my husband.. My parents in law live in india.. I dont like his brother watching tv n sitting idly in the house when my husband is not present. Also his behavior with me is rude! He never answers me if i ask him something whether my question is important or not.. He always complain about food cooked by me to my parents in law.. But my husband like food cooked by me… They both the brothers r running a small business. I never said my husband to keep with himself whatever he earns.. He had some extra expenses for few months so he did not kept money where he always does.. Now his brother is accusing me that i told my husband not keep money together.. He told me that i must not involve in business n just look after the house.. But i never said such a thing… My husband is very polite n quiet man he never answer back if someone is wrongly accusing him or me.. He will just quietly listen to th matter but wont react or say a word.. My question is what must i do for his brother’s behavior n i want to know do i have any right to speak anything about their business? They say women should not involve into business otherwise they get “i m something” kind of attitude…

    • As far as intereference of women in business affairs of their husbands is concerned, there is no hard and fast rule about it. However, as it is not only your husband’s business but it involves your brother-in-law also, if you do not see any major thing of concern in business that might have bad effect on your husband or family business, or if you do not see any major wrong doing on part of your brother-in-law in business, then it is wise to leave business matters to them only. You just devote your time on how to be a better home-maker instead. Had it been exclusively your husband’s business only, then it would have been another matter.

      When it comes to bad behaviour of your brother-in-law, you have full right to make it clear in front of him as well as your husband that you are elder in relation to him and he should show respect to you (but make sure that there is no wrong-doing from your end towards him).

      Talk transparently with all, in a polite honourable manner. Insha’Allah that shall be helpful.

      And Allah knows best.

  10. Salaam,I nid an advice from my muslim ummah,concern pregnancy,I used a drug dat was told not father a child six month after I stop using d drug,dat it may affect sperm formation in males,dat may result in child deformation,jus few days ago my wife suspects she’s pregnant and we are scared not to have a deformed child,she’s disturbing about using pills to bring down d blood,pls wats ur advice,we confused

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah.

      Your question seems to be more for medical experts. However, if you can specify what in particular you want to know from Islamic point of you for your case, then may be we can throw some light.

      Jazak Allah.

  11. Jus dat my wife is scared not to have a deform child,she want to go for abortion,d name of d drug is GRISEOFULVIN,Cos it was stated clearly dat patient must not father a child six month after d drug had been administered .

    • Dear brother,

      Abortion is not allowed in Islam, unless it is unavoidable to save life of the would-be mother. Now that she has conceived, please carry on with the pregnancy. Pray to Allah for child’s well-being. Leave everything to Allah; just do your best in terms of proper medication, eating, exercises etc. whatever is prescribed for better delivery. Insha’Allah all should be well. We simply need to have faith in Allah.

      And Allah knows best.

  12. As Sallaa mu alaikum,

    What is the substitute or alternative Sujood for one who is performain Sallat and is unable to kneel because of painful knee problems. Please be specific.

    • Wa alaikum As-Salam warahmatallah,

      If someone has a problem in bending his/her knees and hence can’t do proper Sujood, such persons normally prayer while sitting on chairs. He/She may do as much as Sujood while remaining seated on chair as he/she can easily with his/her hands/head/other body parts pointing in the manner/direction of Sujood. Insha’Allah that should suffice. And Allah knows best. I hope this answers your query.

  13. Naim Abdur Rahim Jihad

    My wife has abandoned our marriage. She hasn’t given a reason nor has she return the calls from the Imaam.
    She has completely isolated. She won’t return any of my communication.
    What should I do, In Sha Allah?
    What does Islam say on a situation like this?

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah wabarakatuhu.

      Your wife cannot do so. No wife can do so. A wife doesn’t have the authority to abandon a marriage like that. She, if wants to be separated from this relation, has to ask for a ‘Khula’ from you. And then the formalities are completed. But the way you are telling she has abandoned, that is not correct and she is still under your Nikah.

      Now, if you wish to continue your marriage with her, you of course need to contact her, talk to her and try to solve the matters of concern affecting your relation. But if she is adamant on not talking to you and considers that her abandonement is the final thing for her, then you should respect the formalities of divorce. Announce a proper divorce to your wife and legalize the separation.

      This is what I could make out from your brief description of your problem. I hope it clarifies your query. And Allah knows best.

      Jazak Allah.

  14. Naim Abdur Rahim Jihad

    Forgive me!
    As Salaamu Alaikum

  15. As Salaamu Alaikum!

    I am seeking information and advice. My Wife has cut contact with me for the past month. She has not informed me as to why she has just isolated. She isn’t responding to my communication attempts at all. I have tryed to let her know how much I love her and how this action and behavior isn’t the eedaab of the Muslim/Muslimah. The last 2 weeks of Ramadhan up until now she has not spoken to me at all. I have even had the Imaam attempt to contact her and sent her another Imaam’s number to call. Nothing Masha Allah. This whole situation is painful to me and I am really upset. What information can I attempt to comvey to her that might open up a line of communication? I have not committed any illegal sexual act. I have a christian wife that I have been separated from for 8 years which her and I hate one another. I have 3 older children from my pre Islamic. Their mother and I barely speak however we are on fair terms. other then that, nothing is going on. Allah Knows Best.
    Any ideas or suggestions on how to deal with this would be appreciated, In Sha Allah….

    Jazak Allah Khairun!!!!!

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah wabarakatuhu.

      It is very difficult to give any suggestion based on such a brief description, which includes involvement of your earlier christian wife and your ongoing fair terms with another previous wife of yours. Unless there is a detailed hearing and understanding of facts affecting your marital relation, it would be immature to make a comment or suggestion. Please bear with me on this. Do you want to talk to your existing wife? Or are you also agreeing to have a separation? All these aspects need to be clarified before taking a final view.

      However, we should remember that a wife doesn’t have the authority to abandon a marriage like that. She, if wants to be separated from this relation, has to ask for a ‘Khula’ from you. And then the formalities are completed. But the way you are telling she has abandoned, that is not correct and she is still under your Nikah.

      Jazak Allah.

  16. Sir!
    My husband is illiterate and have no financial status / job to do the earnings. I am double masters and have a god job . So I support him and his family instead of he. I want to know that is it legal or not?

    • As Salam alaikum sister,

      As per Islam, there is nothing wrong in a lady working to support her family financially. So, if your case is where your husband does not have a proper means to earn satisfactory livelihood, then you may do so and be assured that there shall not be anything wrong in it as long as you observe all Islamic rulings related to going out and working out from your home. However, there is a word of suggestion for your husband too. He should not get complacent by your earnings. In many such cases, men tend to take it easy and stop completely doing any effort to look for some work. This should not happen. Even if you work, your husband should be on a continous effort to find out something to work. This is very essential. And Allah knows best.

      • Sir!
        I was married four years back. Till date my husband could not become independent. He has invested money in acquiring plot/land and is now stuck as due to bad market circumstances, he is not able to sale it out. Moreover, I helped him in establishing a small office for sale/purchase of cars but again due to market fluctuations and lack of money, it is not working. I am very worried and tensed as people have started talking against us . Since my marriage was totally agaisnt the wills of my parents though they have now not angry with me but still I am very tensed due to current situation. Please tell me what should I do in such situation. I pray five times a day. I also look after my big joint family of in-laws. I am working like a machine in office as well as at home. I am continuously praying but still in vain. My job is also going to end in December. Please help me out. Regards

        • Salam alaikum sister.

          It is a popular disease among people to acquire properties. In this pursuit of wealth, we often forget payment of Zakat on acquired properties, because we do not end up having liquid money to pay Zakat on the value of property which is illiquid/immovable. So, sin after another keeps happening.

          Your husband should think upon the situation seriously, realize his responsibilities and instead of keeping the property attached to heart, sell it off and start some work. Be honest in endeavours, do not vouch for too big ambitions, keep faith in Allah, keep praying to Him, Inshallah all shall be OK. But take a step. Sitting idle doens’t serve the purpose. Even if it means having a small shop like a grocery or something, do it.

          May Allah set your affairs right.

  17. salaamz i wud like to ask… my wife refuses to have sex with me alot id be lucky to sleep with her once a month. i asked her and she had no answer to it. also i would like to ask that if a property is on a joint name and husband is srruggling on mortgage payments then should she contribute. and lastly is my wife and kids allowed to go on holiday with her brother inlaw and sister without me.


    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      You have three separate questions:

      1. If your wife refuses to fulfill your sexual requirement without any genuine reason, she is committing a sin, and shall be answerable to Allah. If she has a genuine reason for doing so, she should clarify it to you. But she can’t continue ignoring you as it is your right to seek physical satisfaction from her. She is committing a sin.

      2. Having a property on joint name is a separate matter and wife’s contribution or no is another. Ideally, wife should contribute to husband’s financial woes if he is not able and she has money with her. She even can give her Zakat to her husband.

      3. As far as our wife going on vacation without you but with kids along with her brother-in-law and sister is concerned, the most important thing to consider is that what are the ages of your kids as well as her sister’s kids? If there is any male kid among your kids or her sister’s kids who is of adult age and hence can be called as ‘Mahram’ for your wife, then she technically can go on such a vacation (though morally she should not go without your proper consent). But if there is no such kid of adult age in that group, then your wife cannot go on such a vacation, simply due to the fact that she cannot undertake such a journey without a ‘Mahram’ relative. If she does so, she commits a sin.

      And Allah knows best. Jazak Allah.

      • thank u i wanted to confirm as my local scholar said she has to pay her half as its 50 50 and also in regards to holiday kids r all under 9 and her sisters husband is with them. and reguards to refusing sex she always says she is tired and also she doesnt wanna was hee hair again


  18. My marriage is love cum arrange. Its 3 years and i have 2 sons. I live with my in-laws & have a very healthy relation. My problem is the differences in thoughts & mentality of my parents & huaband. Since 3 years I am acting like a bridge between them and trying to make the relationship smooth. I am the eldest of two daughters. Having no son my parents expect emotionally alot from me and his son in law. My husband is quite self centred and gradually started keeping himself apart from them. He also stoped visiting them but there is no bar for me and my sons. Last day my parents came to visit us but he didnt meet them being at home. That was a big insult for them & they left the place with tears in eyes. I asked him to just go for salam but he didnt.
    I am out of my mind now. Its because of me my parents are insulted. They agreed for my marriage for my sake of happiness. I dont know what to do now. The person who insulted my parents is my husband and I cant take this up & cant continue to stay with him in such situation.
    Kindly suggest.

    • Salam alaikum sister. May Allah set your affairs right.

      If your husband is not fair with your parents, talk to him as much as you can to know why. Your stand should be to stand with what is right; even if it means going against your parents or your husband. Judge the situation honestly, and side with whoever is right. Do not take any hasty decision.

      Jazak Allah.

      • Waleykum Salam. Thanks for your reply.
        I have spoken alot with my husband on this issue. He dont like many things of my parents and somehow I have conveyed it to them but they are quite rigid in their thoughts which is fair enough (being at this age they cant change their attitude and nature). Also my parents are very social & my husband is least in thisn. I was well aware of all his nature & so maried him.
        With all this explanation do you think my parents are wrong & I should leave them? But then wont I will do sin & will be an evil daughter.

        • There is no question of leaving the parents; even if someone’s parents are Mushriks, he/she has to respect them. However, siding with them or not should totally be decided on the basis of haq. Sadly, such situations can be seen a lot in our society. All I can say is that May Allah set your affairs right and give you the capability to carry on your responsibilities as a daughter and as a wife truely.

          Jazak Allah.

  19. Assalamulaykum,

    I am married from last one and half year. we both lov each other, but due to some mis communication and rude behavior of my mother and brother in some time only not always made our life hell. we fight with each other very ofter. I just want her to talk to my family when ever they call us. But in some time bak my mon and sisters also one brtoehr have scolded her and say some wrong thing. being a youngest one in family i dont retaliate to my elder and just ask my wife to be ok it happened in family. she understand that but she refuse to talk to them in phone and always state the old problem. Now even i say something to her she link that to my family and we fight. kindly guid me with some hadith of making good relation also being good with family also.

    Allaha Hafij

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Dear brother, your problem is not unique. It is becoming a common problem among the Muslims nowadays. And to solve the problem you need one hadith or two? That’s not the way to solve a problem. There can be hundreds of ahadith and many Qur’anic verses which tell us not to spoil relations, be in harmony etc. etc. But what to do when humans do not follow these rulings? Just try to talk to your wife that maintaining cordial relations with relatives is a requirement of being a good Muslim. Forgiveness is one of the biggest virtue. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Whoever is hopeful of Allah’s mercy (or wants Allah to be merciful with him/her), should be merciful towards his/her other fellow beings.” Follow this hadith; be forgiving.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  20. Sir!
    My husband is coming at home late at night at 2 o’clock daily for the last 5 months. I have asked him but he used to say that he was with his friends. But daily coming at 2 o’clock is not justified. He has now changed his attitude towards me. If I object on late coming then he is angry at me. For the last 5 days I could not sleep and is restless. I have now doubted him that someone else is in his life also. But I don’t want him to lose. My mental condition is deteriorating day by day. I want to know that if I am committing a sin to doubt him. Moreover, He is not paying attention as much as he used to before. As our financial condition is not good. My in-laws also created some mental toutures for me but I didn’t answer back to them. They are now good to me. But now I am loosing my own husband. Please reply me.

  21. Please advise me . I am very tensed.

  22. My cousin is having problem in his marriage life, he can’t balance between wife and mother. His mum is very strick and his wife has left the house. Any dua to bring them back.

    • Salam alaikum,

      There are no shortcuts or magic wand sort of duas to/for success. Success is earned by hard work and sincerity towards Allah. When we do not pay attention to Allah and do not follow what Allah says, then we cannot succeed. So, the best remedy for all problems is to start following Allah. Live your life according to what Qur’an says, and ask Allah for His help in all the matters; Insha’Allah all will be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  23. Sir,
    I have a noble and very nice wife and a kid of five years. I cant give a proper time to my family due to my 18 hrs job for which my wife complaining earlier. As my wife does not concieve from last five years inspite of our sex oftenly so she and her parents creates a big problem for our relationship regarding this. now a days my in laws blaims me in different ways like i use to drink while i was coming late night, affairs with other girls etc revealed to them by an unknown phone call for which they have no idea like caller`s name,day of calling or any other proof as they have deleted the no.. I never restricted her to visit her parents. Three weeks back i took her to meet with her parents on eid day but she refused to come back. i took her back on the next day on her terms like norcotics test, to visit a Hakim for the birth of baby and will come back earlier at night. From last three weeks i do counceling to bring back her faith in me, make norcotics test which were negative, and i came back before 12 at night all the three weeks as committed. But still she is doughted. and went to his parents home in abscence of me without even telling me. I love her and my kid alot. Here is no contact between us from last five days as i warned her to not make any more mistake. She seems to not want to retain this relation as she said she will come when she will got back his believe that i have not these habits. I have restricted my family not to approach her for the time being.
    My questions are
    Am i on the right way?
    Am i fulfil all her rights?
    Did you think there is chance to bring back my happy life and how?
    What should i do or keep this silence or wait and see?
    Whats ur opinion?

    • Dear brother, Salam alaikum.

      It is not easy and won’t be correct too to give any opinion by hearing only one side of the story. With due respect to your explanation, before givign any view it is important that your wife’s explanation should also be heard. However, you know whether you have those bad habits or not. You should be true to yourself. Also, you and your wife, both should understand clearly what are the duties, responsibilities and rights of each other. Do not just go for rights; see the responsibilities and duties also. If everyone takes care of these matters, Inshallah there shall be no rifts in the relations.

      Try talking to your in-laws and wife, in a respectable manner; do not introduce any stubbornness or leudness in your approach.

      I pray to Allah to set your affairs right. Do not lose hope; Allah is Ar-Rahman and Al-Kareem. Pray to Him sincerely, ensure that you do not do anything wrong from your end, and you will see all matters shall be resolved, Inshallah.

      Jazak Allah.

      • Aslam o Alaikum Dear,
        I am happy with that you are such an unbised and guide the people according to islam truly. Sir thanks for your guidance. I will follow the instructions. Here is just need for your special pray for me.
        Allah bless you more.

  24. Sir!
    My husband doesn’t carry about me. We are living with his father and brother ( they are healthy adults). We now have a house, as i am pregnant i want to move as soon as possible because i need to rest and i’m not able to do some domestic jobs. but he refuses to leave his father’s house, he thinks we don’t need to have that spending. But, i don’t feel good living with men, I need more space and privacy. I want to spend time with him but he is always with his family and single friends, we don’t have any days to walk, to dinner out, to talk, celebrate, to know each other, to speak about our baby… When i suggest something to do on weekends or day-off, he simply say ” i’m tired, i’m busy, i can’t leave my brother and father alone”! I think they are more important than me. He feeds up them although they have a job and they can afford everything they want Alhamdulillah, they don’t need my husband support, even s, o he spends all he gains on his family. I don’t know about his business, he says its a family business and only they can give him an opinion. Every money he earns he spends on them, helping them, im not allowed to touch at any penny even for bread. I’ve asked recently for a money to start a small business at home and he simply answer “go out and look for a job by yourself”. I think he could help me even beacuse i’m new in town and i don’t know people. He cares more about them than me. My husband forgot about his responsibilities on me, he doesn’t care at all. I try to complain but he becomes rude and aggressive. I am only there to cook and serve them. Before i got married, i was working and living with my parents then i left everything to move with him and he doesn’t make me happy. How can i solve this? Is that the meaning of marriage in islam? Can i ask for a divorce? I am supposed to treat well his family while he never cares about my parents? Please answer me.

    • Salam alaikum,

      It is difficult to give any detailed view on the basis of such a sort information. However, if you want to quetsion the meaning of marriage in Islam, then please remeber that in marriage, husband and wife has different responsibilities. Both should take care of their own responsibilities. Unless you have a doubt about your husband’s work or his charcater, do not interfere in his indulgence with his family members. Doing so may aggravate your problems. If he spends time with his father and brother, then do not try stopping him. On the other hand, you too have a right over him. If he is not fulfilling your rights, complain to him about your rights; but do not criticize his time with his father and brother. Do not force him to move to another house; this should not be your decision; try to remain happy in whichever house he keeps you. Taking you for a walk, celebrating with you, take you out for a dinner… are these so important that if he does not do these you start thinking about divorce? Dear sister, please be mature. Respect your husband and do not be carried away by these modern traditions of society. Did you read the article on this subject carefully? If you have read it carefully, you won’t be raising these minor concerns. Raise your concern only in case he is not fulfiliing your requirements and/or he is doing anything against Islam. Do not raise problems because of minor matters as described by you. Spend some time, try to be happy with his family, and in due course of time, Inshallah all will be well. Give some time; jumping to conclusions like divorce so early are not signs of a mature understanding.

      And Allah knows best. May Allah set your affairs right.

  25. Asalamualaikum Warahmatulah..
    Sir, i want to know what’s the punishment of being “very close” to a woman to whom you’re not married at the time when you’re not married to anyone else? The zina hasn’t been there, though.

    And one more question:
    Can a man marry a woman for the reason that he has been intimate with her before, though such intimacy is clearly unislamic..?


    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah.

      Islam does not approve of such closeliness as described by you. See, it is a natural phenomenon that a man and a woman will be attracted towards each other; this is in-built character of humans; Allah has made us like that. But if we like some one, the Islamic way to be close to her is to marry her. Without marriage, the so called ‘closeliness’ is not allowed. Even if zina is not committed, but the so called proximity without getting married is the first step towards wrong doing between the two opposite genders. It is wrong; absolutely wrong. As far as punishment of such intimacy is concerned, there is no clear punishment defined for this type of closeliness. But, as per some ahadith, for any wrong act for which no clear punishment is prescribed in Islamic Shariah, the maximum punishment that can be given be is 10 whips/lashes. So, if the Qazi or Khalifah (in case of Muslim Khilafah) views the offence like that, he can announce this punishment; or if the case is not so severe, then may be words of warning may be enough. And Allah knows best.

      Marrying a woman because of your proximity to her in earlier times should not be a problem at all. And Allah knows best.

  26. Wanted to know that if a husband father is unable to give financial support to his son living in other city with her wife due to job, do you think that wife has right to complaint and argue on that and mostly such argues takes her to domestic violence.

    Whereas, lot of times her husband told her that he knows that his father is the only bread earner of the family and know the issues of his father that his condition interims of wealth are sometimes good and sometimes not but what her wife sees that his mother and sister are enjoying a good life and so as the argues goes all the time.

    Keeping the view that before getting married to her my friend is someone’s child and he has to defend his parents them by all means not hurting to any of the feelings of anyone. Whereas, he do admits with his wife that he know that sometimes their parents are doing wrong but for that he cannot misbehave with them and always asks her that keep the faith Allah will help us keep patience but she does not understand she says that she has given 6 years of her married life in patience but now she cannot. Further, on telephone she has misbehaved with her husband parents twice.

    His wife always makes him feel that whatever she’s saying about his family is right and he should agree on her comments by all means and if he stays quiet after giving her the answers the consequences are then goes nowhere but to a domestic violence (hitting her husband like anything and in response her husband stays quiet).

    This is further to tell you that both are working individuals as my friend wife has to support her parents who she loves a lot and also took permission from my friend very first before getting married that would he allow his mrs to support her parents, he said off course you can.

    Sir this is what my friend is facing at the moment.
    Need your help on this.

    • Salam alaikum,

      The scenario described by you is a common feature nowadays. It is ironical on part of your friends wife that she works and supports her parents and expects his husband’s father to support them. Further, it is shameful that she hits her husband physically, abuses his parents and fights with all with no patience at all. And it is sad that the husband remains quiet after all this.

      We all should remember that parents are the highest in our relations as told to us by Qur’an. We can not misbehave with them or treat parents harshly. That is one of the biggest sins. If your friend is seeing his wife doing all this mistreatment towards his parents and remains quiet, shame on him. With due respect to the feelings of all, such woman needs to be treated strictly; and this is the responsibility of the husband to make the woman realize her mistakes. Deal with her strictly, that’s all what can be said on the basis of the details you have provided.

      May Allah set their affairs right.

      • Salam alaikum,

        Thanks sir for your help, i think the main issue with my firend is that his wife parents are very weak interms of health, the only reason he ‘s quiet just beacause my friend doesn’t want to hurt her parents. do you think that he is doing right?

        Could you please help him that what kind of strict action can he take against the acts she do’s with him.

        • and sir as already asked in my first message to you that do you think that wife has right to ask his husband why his parents are not supporting him in terms of financials.

        • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah.

          Please refer to following verse of Holy Qur’an:

          “….As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (then) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means. Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”….(Aayah No. 34, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

          This should be the way a pious husband should deal with her wife if she makes ill-conduct. And Allah knows best.

  27. I’m female 22, i wasn’t willing to marry someone but now there is a guy (one of my best friend),
    I think i can spend my whole life with him since he is good enough in everything, he has all the qualities what i’m seeking for..
    but my concern is, he tOo like me (but since i met him i already change my mind) doesn’t want to marry anyone,
    what should i do, we are best friends, he knows that both of us care, respect for each other.
    should i just tell him that i wan to spend my whole life with him since I felt he could be my best partner.

    both of us are from different races, different countries. he is a good muslim his family is also very good..

    can u suggest me what hadith i should mention to him or how should i do it,
    can you reply to in my email address..

  28. assalamalaikum

    my wife always complains about my parents that they r not treating her well …..I asked my parents if they have any problems with my wife but they never complained….I live abroad and I don’t know what to do …..should I tell my parents about my wife’s complaints…or should I just keep clam ….

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Brother, your question is too brief to give any opinion on the situation. Also, without listening your wife’s explanation also on the subject, it will not be wise to make a comment.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      Jazak Allah.

  29. My husband’s family is harsh to me from the beginning.They always insult and oppressed me n my family.However, my husband didn’t remember those.nowdays he simply lies at me, he send gifts for his mother,hides to say from me. im not against to it. But never asks me Wat I need?? Mother- in – law she just back bite me. Tell bad about me with her relatives. Insult me from back. I have heared through my ears. But simply ignore n cry.she tells good things about her 2nd daughter- in- law, with my husband.here it makes problem with my husband. he thinks me bad. and brothers wife is good If I tell my husband, he think I always complain about them n also hit me twice.He still lov them. More then me. We’re am I going wrong . I just can’t understand. I have 4 yrs kid. What should I do ?

  30. Please reply me …. I need answer … There is nobody to answer me I’m alone.
    Is there any surah to recite ” for my husband to love me”???

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      I am not aware of any such dua which can be attributed to make one’s husband start loving her. However, I would suggest you to recite the last verse (No. 129) of Surah At-Taubah (Chapter No. 09, Holy QUr’an) regularly. Please understand that you should not restrict yourself to mere recitation only; try to understand what the verse means, what message it conveys, and then have full faith in that. Then only your dua will be from your heart with complete faith. Insha’Allah your problems shall be solved. Have trust in Allah.

      Jazak Allah.

  31. assalamalaikum

    My husband married for a second time about 6 years ago I was very ill at the time and I think he did so because I could not fulfil intimate duties of a wife.
    Since then he has had two children, he has bought his oldest child to England to live with us. However, since then he has started to treat the two children we have together very unfairly in favour of his son. Furthermore he has been living off my benefits, getting me into debt and expecting our children and I to go without so he can send to his other wife. Surely it is his duty not mine to provide for his wife and children. He has threatened me with divorce, but somehow this does not upset me I feel this would be better for me and my children since the stress is hindering my recovery from a life long illness and my children are constantly upset. What should I do?
    Do I have grounds for khulah?

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Response to your query has been sent to your email id.

    • My husband married for a second time about 6 years ago I was very ill at the time and I think he did so because I could not fulfil intimate duties of a wife.
      Since then he has had two children, he has bought his oldest child to England to live with us. However, since then he has started to treat the two children we have together very unfairly in favour of his son. Furthermore he has been living off my benefits, getting me into debt and expecting our children and I to go without so he can send to his other wife. Surely it is his duty not mine to provide for his wife and children. He has threatened me with divorce, but somehow this does not upset me I feel this would be better for me and my children since the stress is hindering my recovery from a life long illness and my children are constantly upset. What should I do?
      Do I have grounds for khulah?
      please could you resend the reply to the above as I did not read it before I accidently deleted it

  32. Assalaamu Alaikum Admin,
    I am from India. I got engagement with my relative girl 2 months back, InshaAllah marriage will be planned for after 2 years. In the meantime, i want to know about that girl. so i ask her mobile number to speak with him. Firstly her parents hesitate to give me and then he gave her number to me. She is a good girl, following Islam as much as she can. I spoke to her only once and then i decided to sms her to know about her because i thought speaking to girl before marriage is haraam. Is it Haraam too if i sms her although she was engaged to me? I need your favourable reply admin

  33. As-salaam alay kum,
    Both of my parents live with me, they are 70+, both with multiple health issues. my moms nature is very direct, disciplined & blunt. my wife came from india a year and half ago, for almost a year every thing was or atleast it appeared to be fine between my wife and my mom, but since past three months things have been going really crazy. My wife left the house and went to her uncles place for almost 10 days, her complaint was that she cannot live in such an environment. I was finally able to please her & bring her back. Since she came back, she did not interact much with my mom and my mom did the same with her as well, but still my wife kept complaining that she cannot leave in this environment, she cannot do anything of her own wish becuase of my mom, most of her friend do not live with their inlaws and can do anything on their own, now due to my job i was not able to give her much time as well which probably added to her frustration. couple of months ago she went to visit her aunt for few days to stay and has decided to not come back. She says that she will not come to that house becuase of my mom and she wants to leave seperate,I have tried to explain her multiple times of my parents situations as they are 70+, having multiple health issues and may becuase of all this may be their nature is little cranky. I have told my wife that I cannot leave them alone at this old age & not in a financial situation to manage two houses. I have asked her to ignore my moms comments & just have patience, but she did not listen, its been 2 months since she has left me. Now, my wife has told me finally to either leave my parents and stay seperate with her or divorce her.

    Please guide me as what I should do, as on one side are my old parents & on the other side is my wife. Would it be ok to leave my parents on their own in this old age and live with my wife separetly or should I stay with my parents, Please guide me in the light of quran & hadith. Your prompt reply will be greatly appreciated.

    • Wa alaikum As-Salam warahmatallah,

      Leaving your parents and choosing your wife over them shall constitute a grave sin on your part. If you read another article titled “Parents – Rights & Responsibilities”, available on http://www.quranandhadith.com, you will know what importance Islam has given to parents. Please go through that article carefully.

      Remember, our parents are the greatest relation on this earth; it is our duty to take care of them. Wives can come and go; you can marry others, but you can’t get other parents. Please take care of them. And Allah knows best.

  34. Aslamo alikum
    can some one tel me that in case of divorce what is the process for getting children is man can get the children in future if the childern are below 5 at the time of divorce.he pay the expense of them.
    is man can do a calim for getting the children??
    and if woman remarrried what will be the next than man can get the children or not??

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      There are many rulings related to the question asked by you. To mention simply, remember following:

      1. Hadith No. 2276, Book of Divorce, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 3
      Amr bin Shuaib narrated from his father, from his grandfather that a woman said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! This son of mine: My womb was a protective bag for him, and my breasts were his sustenance, and my house was a protection for him. Now his father has divorced me, and wishes to take him away from me.” Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “You have more right to him, as long as you do not re-marry.”

      Therefore, a mother has more right to get a child after divorce. But if she gets married to someone else, the child will go back to the father. This hadith is relevant for a small child who is not capable of taking decisions for himself/herself and needs some guidance from elders.

      2. Hadith No. 2277, Book of Divorce, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 3
      The hadith is lengthy so I will try to mention you last part only. There was a dispute among a husband and wife after the husband had divorced her about owning the child. When no one was willing to give up, the Prophet (PBUH) called the child and said, “This is your father, and this is your mother. Take the hand of whichever you please.” And the child took hand of his mother, so she took him away.

      This hadith is sued in context when the child is grown up; in such a case, the child may be given the choice to choose from the father and mother.

      Therefore, based on these two ahadith, a child who is below the age of discernment (where he/she can not take proper decisions for her/himself) goes to the mother if the mother does not marries other man. In case of a grown up child, the decision should be left to the child to choose among his/her parents. In any case, responsibility of expenses for the children till they grow up and are able to stand at their own feet is on the father.

      And Allah knows best.

      I hope this answers your query.

  35. Assalamu walikum

    I got married 5 years ago. She is studding Medical Science now in 4th year in a Private medical college. She does not care of me from the beginning of our married life. Before she married his lover in the court by holof nama. She does not continue with him. She divorced him I knew that and got married before 5 years. She always listen her mother about her high ambitions as to be a doctor. I am a Police Officer. If I request her to follow the Islamic life she is not interested and she does not like to ware the Islamic Dress when she went out of home. Now she is not interested to continue relation with me. I have requested her several times and also requested her parents nobody is listening me. Now I am working in UN Mission they are totally disconnect communication with me last 4 months. I have no baby. I requested her many times to take baby but she and her parents are not agree to take baby. I am in serious thinking of my future life. What I will do now? If you help me according to Quran and Hadit I will be very grateful to you.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah brother,

      Your story with your wife is now becoming a common thing among modern husband-wives. This is the price of modernization, which we tend to adopt at the cost of our Islamic values, which we have to pay.

      The only suggestion which I can give you to deal with your wife in a manner which is according to Qur’an is that you should follow the strategy based on Verse No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’ (Chapter No. 4 of Holy Qur’an). “…As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (then) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means. Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”

      I have explained this verse in the subject article (Husband-Wife relationship; Section 4). Please go through it, Insha’Allah you will get the guidance from Allah. If you feel that you have already taken all these steps and the situation remains same, then the last step for you is to divorce your wife and try to look for another obedient and God-fearing woman as your life partner.

      Feel free to write back if any doubt persists. May Allah help you and set your affairs right. Jazak Allah.

  36. My biter relationship with my sisterinlaw(woman marrying) my brother inlaw has dated back for about 8 years now.it started before we got married to our husbands,my family and her family knew each other,her fathers reputation especially when it comes to soothsayers and witchcraft is very bad,upon marrying my husband she did all she could to marry his brother because of the status of our inlaws and because of her families reputation here in India ,my inlaws hesitated which off course she thought I had much to do with but off course before the marriage I was asked of her behaviors and I did tell what I knew.well she did marry my brother inlaw but did not expect the money he thought he had.i decided to forget and forgive since Allah has destined this to happen but then her relationship with me is weird,this month she gets close,try’s to be nice and even tells me her problem,then the next month she distances herself,becomes snobbish and even hates it when we meet at my inlaws.my inlaw shows me she doesn’t like the girl and even try’s to find what she’s into thru me,but then try’s as much as possible to make her son very comfortable by helping him even financially,she shows. She loves his family but cannot even sit in the room when me and the girl are around.there r sometimes when my whole inlaws will show such affection towards this woman that it becomes abnormal and then things return to normal,this is how it has been,sometimes even my husband gets hysterical and crazy when I say something bad about her and has even divorced me once cuz I said something offensive regarding her and her husband.am really tired of this kind of life as dealing with someone that deals with magicians is really very difficult,should I withdraw my self from both my inlaws or what but I know she is jealous of my relationship with my inlaws but how do do I know my inlaws luv for me is so sincere.sometimes when things get bad,my own sons crystal that he wants to go and see this woman,one of her issues my husband is richer than her husband.

    • Salam alaikum,

      On the basis of whatever you have described, the appropriate suggestion for you shall be to do what is right on your part. You have a responsibility towards your husband, your kids and your in-laws; take care of these responsibilities piously/honestly.

      As for your concern for the other woman dealing with magicians, the best thing you can do is to recite last two Chapters (Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Nas) of Holy Qur’an regularly. Recite these Surahs, ask your son and husband also to recite them regularly. Insha’Allah no magic etc. will do any sort of harm to you and your family.

      You cannot change others behaviour; so leave others for Allah to take care of them. Concentrate on your actions. Pray to Allah for setting right the affairs of your family.

      Jazak Allah.

  37. Thank u for the wonderful answer,but what of my relationship with her,she is married to my husbands junior brother,and frankly her like I said she doesn’t have a consistent form of relationship with me,this month she is nice and visiting me,the next few months she isn’t in a friendly mode.should I close all form of relationship with her or I should be patient because am tired with the change of attitude even though her husband is trying so much to form this relationship between his children and his brother,s,he is trying his part on that.thank u

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      As I said earlier, you should do what is right on your part, and leave the rest to Allah. Otehr lady’s behaviour is not in your hands. So just leave her for Allah. You just be patient. Do not raise your concern in front of your family members seriously unless some major wrongdoing is expected from her actions. I pray to Allah that He may set your affairs right.

      Jazak Allah.

  38. Dear Sir

    I have a question to you. Can a husband touch and laying down to the graveyard after demise of his wife? On the other hand, can a wife touch her husband after the death?? Please also let me know, is islam allow women to go graveyard for ‘Ziaraat’??

    Looking forward to receive your answer.
    Jazak Allah

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      1. Yes, of course; the husband has more right to take his wife’s body to graveyard after her death. This is logical too, because the dead body is taken for burial by men and who else will have more right over the dead woman other than her husband.

      2. Yes, the wife can also touch dead body of her husband. But this has some more things associated with it. As per Hadith No. 1464, Chapters regarding Funerals, Sunan Ibn Majah, Vol. 2, Aishah (RA) says, “If I had known then what I know now, no one would have washed the Prophet (PBUH) but his wives.” Therefore, a wife has more right to wash dead body of her husband than others. However, this valid only if the wife is in state of Iddah, because after Iddah the relationship of the wife and husband ends. Therefore, for example, if a husband dies, and the wife is pregnant, and she gives birth after 1 hour of her husband’s death, then her Iddah ends after the delivery. In such a case, she cannot touch/wash body of the deceased as now she is no more the wife of the deceased.

      3. Regarding rulings associated with women going to graveyards, please refer to another article published on the site; here is the link to the article, please go through it: http://www.quranandhadith.com/praying-on-graves-waseelah-shafaat-etc-right-or-wrong/.

      I hope this clarifies your doubts. And Allah knows best.

  39. My question is does a husband have a right to tell his wife that she can’t come to their home for a week because they have an argument about him forenacat

  40. Assalamualaekum
    I want to know that if a wife is mentally very upset on some issue so much that she has to literally force herself for sex and pretend that she is enjoying it too and so once in a while she letsdown her husbands call for sex will she still be sinful.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Sister, the safest way for a Muslim is to follow what Allah and His Messenger (PBUH) has told us to do. Seeking excuses in the rulings where the excuse is not already explained can be a matter of different inferences which can vary from one individual’s view to another. In the case raised by you, if a husband asks his wife for sex, and she refuses him without a valid reason, she of course will be sinful. But as you said, that if wife’s health (mental or physical) is not well, and she feels it is not good for her to have sex in such a condition, then instead of bluntly refusing the husband she should try to explain him about her condition. In majority of cases the husband shall understand, Insha’Allah. And Allah knows best.

      I hope this clarifies your query.

      • Assalamualekum
        To make it more clear I would like to add that due to being upset the wife does not feel like it and if the husband understands then is the wife sinful?

        • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah sister,

          I am sure that almost all matters related to this subject have been covered in the subject article. However, to elaborate more specifically on your query, please remember that as a general rule, wife should not say ‘No’ to husband when he calls her for sex, unless there is a genuine reason. If you think that ‘wife does not feel like having sex’ at that time is a genuine reason, then the wife will not be sinful; but if that doesn’t happen to be a genuine reason for refusing husband, then wife ends up being sinful. The wife will be knowing within her heart whether she is refusing honestly or not. And of course Allah will definitely be knowing the intention of wife behind that refusal. So, the chances of being sinful or not are 50:50, depending on wife’s niyyah and Allah’s decision about it. However, if the wife goes to the husband even if she doesn’t ‘feel like doing it’, she is absolutely free of sin in this context. So, a wife should decide accordingly, whether she wants to opt for a 50:50 scenario or she wants to be 100% safe. And Allah knows best.

          I hope this clarifies your doubts in this matter.

  41. Aoa bhae…we have married from 7 years. it was arrange, my husband is 10 years elder then me. Have 2 sons. at the beginning of married life i faced alot of problems with my in laws. even my father in law said once that i have affair with my husband’s cousin. He called my brother and told him also, but he was also remain quiet. and said to me to stay silence. as that time my husband was at my side but he didnt clear things infront of eveyone that i am right, just saying me to stay quiet and i did. even my husband want to go from that house but i stopped bcoz his father is heart patient after that my father in law didnt spoke with me, even one time i served him dinner he through tray. after that my brother in law also being rude but i kept silent. My husband routine was very irritation. he come home around 3 A.m and sleep until 14:00 wake up and go out again… all night stays with friends. and on fone. was not giving proper time to me. after two years of married i found out my husband having affair with a girl name Kiran. i saw sms on my husband fone.. She wrote my love to him etc….i asked my husband but he ignored. then i found her nr and called her, she said that we are more then friend for each other. i was soo hurted bcoz i said to my husband if there is anything we can seattle it nicely. i have tried alot of time that my husband says by himself but he keep lying,, and one day he spoke out and said that there is one girl and i am just helping her bcoz she dont have parents and her aunty is very greedy. even on that time still i said that its ok atleast you share with me we will help her together. i ll compromise but i need you to keep trust on u.so share with me dont hide.. in my husband family almost everyone married twice so i was a little unsecure ..but he keep in touch with her n didnt told me… even they gone few times for dinner together. His few friends and my brother in law know about Kiran. but they all are quite. i told my mother in law also in detail but she says that you always digrade my son and dont respect. its been 4 years now my husband is still in touch with her. my husband dont giving proper time to me even to kids.. On eid day also he is working and dont have time for us. but he keep saing that he love us and dont want to lose us.. But he is not doing any any effert to make this relation strong…we hardly have few dayz in 7 years which is good even physically also he never satisfy and just give 4-5 minutes and gone.. from last 6-7 months we are not talking and dont have any physical relation.
    i can not trust on him anymore as i am tired with all this. I am standing alone for everything including kids school and other needs. even he was so lazy to admit his kids to school. my younger son have syndrome called achondroplasia. he never did any thing for him… just accept that he is earning good and never stop me using. but i alwayz says to him i dont just want money, for me trust and family is priority.

    i am soo tired being alone at all this time..
    what should i have to do..?i really dont want to live with him..
    and how i can i face world and what should i tell to my parents..?
    he never in touch too much to my family also. but whenever my parents asks me i alwayz says he is fine and i am happy but now i can not stay like this…even i dont want him to touch me.
    plz solve my problem according to Almighty and his prophet (PBUH. )
    thank you allah hafiz

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah sister,

      As per your explanation of your situation, it can be inferred that your husband is on fault. His relationship with another lady is not as per Islamic guidelines, and as you said, if he wants to help her, he should marry her. Secondly, his behaviour towards you and your children is not as per Islamic guidelines as well. Try to talk to him once again in a detailed manner, politely. Try to involve his parents, your parents and other senior members of both families to discuss this matter seriously in a polite manner. Try explain them what rights you (a wife) has over your husband; use explanations provided in Qur’an and Sunnah (you may refer to the article ‘Husband-Wife relationship’), and tell them in what manner your husband is not fulfilling your rights. If still they insist and do not change their behaviour, you have a valid ground and reason for asking ‘Al-Khul’ (i.e. separation through ‘Khula’). And Allah knows best.

      I pray to Allah that he helps you and sets your affairs right.

  42. A.S.A,
    Six years back my husband divorced her wife who was his cousin. With that marriage he also has a son whom he has left since he divorced his wife.2 years back we got married with our own wish. my husband does not behave well with me for some or the other reason he mentally tortures me. I am from middle class family and my parents are not that educated for that he is not happy and does not talk to my parents at all by saying that my family do not match his mental level. For some time he is forcing me to do job though I am qualified but despite my utmost efforts unable to fulfill my husband wish and couldn’t find job, this has led me towards great mental devastation. He accuses me that I do not match his social status though there is not much difference between his n my life style, He says m not a professional women who he was looking for . He does not show any love for me by saying there is no such thing exist as love. I suspect he has habit of online sex chatting with females but I have never tried to let him know .He is habitual of pestering me for nothing and I always try to be patient,surrender my wish for him and keep calm but as the time passing by m getting very distressed and losing hope of any good. These all are the bits of entire situation m going through. m living with my parents as my immigration is in process I feel thing will get even worst if we live together. He also has a female friend(Office colleague) with whom he talks on phone and some time go for lunch and visit her home. I do not like his doing this, when I softly tried to make him understand that this in not good he has stopped talking to me. I have strong faith in Allah he will certainly hear my voice.Plz suggest me what should I do?

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Dear sister, such problems are becoming more and more frequent in our society. And all this is a reason that we do not follow Allah and His Messenger’s (PBUH) sayings in our lives. First we should ensure that we live our lives as a good Muslim, according to teachings of Islam. At the time of taking a decision for a marriage, Islam asks us to take care of some things to choose a spouse. We should look how good a follower of Islamic teachings ‘would be spouse’ is. We rarely look for this quality in our search for an ideal spouse. We should look and try to understand whether the spouse we are looking for is earning his livelihood in a halaal manner according to Islam or not. But we ignore it completely and instead focus on how wealthy the ‘would be spouse’ is. We should focus about compatibility of the boy/girl, his/her family culture etc. with Islamic values and with us. We don’t do this prudently. There are many such do(s) and don’t(s) which should be taken care of when we start searching for an ideal spouse. However, nowadays search is restricted to looks and modernized status of the ‘would be spouse’ and his/her family, and majority of decisions are taken based on this only. This is the basic mistake which we are doing in our marriages.

      Coming back to your query, it seems that your husband is not performing his responsibilities as a good husband ideally should. Along with that it seems he is also indulging in some activities which are not allowed in Islam irrespective of a person being married or not. You should keep trying to talk to him in a polite manner. Try to explain to him the Islamic rulings (refer the article ‘Husband-Wife relationship’). Keep praying to Allah with a clean intention. Ensure that you yourself do not do anything that is against the will of Allah. If you have done any such thing, make Taubah to Allah. Try to learn more about what Islam tells us about our lives. Spend more time in learning, studying and understanding Islam. Adopt patience. Insha’Allah all will be OK. I pray to Allah that He helps you and sets your affairs right. Please feel free to right whenever you need any sort of clarification from our side.

      And Allah knows best.

      • Jazakullah Brother for your reply.I will try to look into myself for anything wrong i have done and will correct myself. thank you very much for your advice and dua.

  43. Assalaam Alaikum Brother,
    May Allah Swt grant you blessings for your diligence in helping all these people.
    I am due to get married in a few months however i find my relationship with my future wife strained as my Father in law to be is an extremely difficult man.
    He is extremely demanding and blackmails me with the relationship. For example if i don’t do something he likes he says he will forbid me marrying his daughter. But his reasons for saying this can be very trivial and if i don’t meet his demands.
    In the past few months here is a selection of his beahviour towards me:
    1) i frequently live and work abroad as part of my job, he demands i communicate with him frequently and so i text becasue it is more convenient. He then says he wants me to call him in future and not to text him, when i explain to him kindly that its not always convenient for me to call he proceeds to shout at me and say he doesn’t care, he is elder and so i should do as he says for this is the way of Islam
    2)Another example was on Eid al Adha, again I was travelling with my job however i made the effort to send a message wishing my father in law to be and his family Eid Mubarak, he thanked me in his response yet also said ‘im sure if you could buy a calling card and call you would have done so.’ Again he has this demanding and sarcastic behaviour
    3) He has this peculiar crave for importance from me. He will say to me you haven’t called me, and i will say ok im sorry i’ll make more of an effoert, however if you’d like to speak to me feel free to call me or let me know you want to speak to me. Again his response is to become agressive and tell me that he is elder and so i should be the one making the effort
    4) this peculiarity manifests itself further as on occasions where i am able to call him he says he is busy and that he will let me know when to call..he then doesnt let me know when to call and later on i get scolded by him that i should have called anyway!..surprise surprise the reasoning being becasue he is elder
    5) My wife to be had invited me to her university graduation, the morning of the ceremony my father in law to be called me up and in a very condescending manner said ‘my family will be attending the graduation as my parents are eldery and ill you must make sure you respect our cultural values (please note we all live in western europe) and to respect the hijab.if you do all this i will allow you to come’ I was very shocked by this and said that actually his daughter had already invited me, and not only that its a public place. He then started screaming at me down the phone saying if i come to the graduation he would call the police!

    As you can see its a rather strange situation as its not very that the groom experiences such difficulties from his in laws. My father in law to be, in my opinion, twists cultural and islamic principles to simply serve his own ego hence whenever i simply disagree with something he wants me to do or when i do the slightest thing he doesnt like i get shouted at that i am being rude, that i should do all his demands becasue he is elder and i get emotionally blackmailed that he will not approve the marriage becasue he doesnt like how i behave.
    As you might imagine this has really strained the relationship between our families and has led my wife to be and myself argue a lot about her fathers ill treatment towards me. We have known each other for many years in an islamic way and very much wish to get married to each other however her fathers beaviour makes life very difficult. Furthermore it concerns me how he will be when we do get married, as he has this delusions on his ‘rights’ over me in islam.
    Any guidance you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I have two questions
    1) What are the father in laws rights over the son in law if any?
    2) As he often selectively quotes scripture and hadith to justify his actions is there anhthing you can recommend to quote next time he orders me to do something simply becasue he is elder?

    Jazakallah for your time and efforts

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah brother,

      Such problems are becoming more and more frequent in our society. And all this is a reason that we do not follow Allah and His Messenger’s (PBUH) sayings in our lives. First we should ensure that we live our lives as a good Muslim, according to teachings of Islam. At the time of taking a decision for a marriage, Islam asks us to take care of some things to choose a spouse. We should look how good a follower of Islamic teachings ‘would be spouse’ is. We rarely look for this quality in our search for an ideal spouse. We should look and try to understand whether the spouse we are looking for is earning his livelihood in a halaal manner according to Islam or not. But we ignore it completely and instead focus on how wealthy the ‘would be spouse’ is. We should focus about compatibility of the boy/girl, his/her family culture etc. with Islamic values and with us. We don’t do this prudently. There are many such do(s) and don’t(s) which should be taken care of when we start searching for an ideal spouse. However, nowadays search is restricted to looks and modernized status of the ‘would be spouse’ and his/her family, and majority of decisions are taken based on this only. Brother, may I ask you a question: Why are you going around with your would-be-wife so freely? What is the relation between you and her as of now? Unless she becomes your wife, you have no relation with her except that of a normal man and a woman. So respect that; stop movign alogn with your would-be-wife like she is already your wife. Even if you know her for a long time, you should maintain a distance, a discipline. When we do such mistakes, we face such problems. Try to discipline yourself in this matter.

      Coming back to your query, your would-be father-in-law seems to have a strange personality. However, I will reserve my comments about his personality as it is not wise to do so. My suggestion to you will be that you should assess your situation from islamic point of view. WIll the family be compatible with you and your family? You have started to get irritated now, what will you do after marriage. If you start using strong stance with your father-in-law after marriage, that will be wrong and you will face opposition from your wife also. Think upon this seriously. Do not let emotions overcome you. It is a serious matter concerning live sof you and your would-be-wife.

      My suggestion would be that before going ahead with your marriage, do Istekhara. Take decision after doing Istekhara. If you do not know the procedure of doing Istekhara, let me know, Inshallah I will help you.

      I can’t make you learn 1-2 ahadith that you may use to counter your would-be father-in-law’s comments. There is no such short-cut in such things. But if you are interested in learning about Islam, that is a great idea and you should start doing so. It will take time, but Inshallah you will succeed.

      Your would-be father-in-law has no such right from you as of now as he is not yet your father-in-law till now. However, he has rights over you as an elder, and you should not behave with him (or any elder in fact) in a bad or insulting manner. For rights of parents (including parents-in-law), please refer to a detailed article on our website: http://www.quranandhadith.com/parents-rights-and-responsibilities/.

      Keep praying to Allah with a clean intention. Ensure that you yourself do not do anything that is against the will of Allah. Try to learn more about what Islam tells us about our lives. Spend more time in learning, studying and understanding Islam. Adopt patience. Insha’Allah all will be OK. I pray to Allah that He helps you and sets your affairs right. Please feel free to right whenever you need any sort of clarification from our side.

      And Allah knows best.

  44. Assalamalaikum,

    My motherin law dont like me she always find irrelevant reasons to fight with me. I do my best to keep the relation good but in vain.. My husband knows that she fights withus on irreleavent topics where i am not at all related. but he dont say anything to her.. everytime she fights i say her sorry and try to finish things but this is going on since 8 yrs.

    I never told my husband to ignore his parents or not to provide them with their needs. I never interfere in that part. But now i am very much tired i feel that i have no self respect left if i am right also i have to be sorry to my inlaws just to make my husband happy. In laws dont like me meeting my parents. We are staying abroad every time we go to my inlaws house they fight with me… My husband always forces me to take me to his home and end up fighting there.

    Please advice how to overcome this. I have asked my husband so many times to be a little strong to them and so that they may show some respect to me.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Dear sister, such problems are becoming more and more frequent in our society. And all this is a reason that we do not follow Allah and His Messenger’s (PBUH) sayings in our lives. First we should ensure that we live our lives as a good Muslim, according to teachings of Islam. At the time of taking a decision for a marriage, Islam asks us to take care of some things to choose a spouse. We should look how good a follower of Islamic teachings ‘would be spouse’ is. We rarely look for this quality in our search for an ideal spouse. We should look and try to understand whether the spouse we are looking for is earning his livelihood in a halaal manner according to Islam or not. But we ignore it completely and instead focus on how wealthy the ‘would be spouse’ is. We should focus about compatibility of the boy/girl, his/her family culture etc. with Islamic values and with us. We don’t do this prudently. There are many such do(s) and don’t(s) which should be taken care of when we start searching for an ideal spouse. However, nowadays search is restricted to looks and modernized status of the ‘would be spouse’ and his/her family, and majority of decisions are taken based on this only. This is the basic mistake which we are doing in our marriages.

      Coming back to your query, it seems that your relations with your mother-in-law are not cordial. And I can understand that this must be a tricky situation for you. nevertheless, your husband’s situation will be even more problematic. You can’t ask him to be tough with his motehr; that’s wrong. However, if it is established that your mother-in-law makes problems with you unreasonably, then your husband should talk to his mother, but that too politely. He has to side with whoever is right. Also, you should try to hold his motehr in an esteem that a mother desrves, irrespective of her behaviour. Keep praying to Allah with a clean intention. Ensure that you yourself do not do anything that is against the will of Allah. If you have done any such thing, make Taubah to Allah. Try to learn more about what Islam tells us about our lives. Spend more time in learning, studying and understanding Islam. Adopt patience. Insha’Allah all will be OK. I pray to Allah that He helps you and sets your affairs right. Please feel free to right whenever you need any sort of clarification from our side.

      And Allah knows best.

  45. Dear Admin,
    Thank for sharing this beautiful article; I am very confused and mentally depressed due to behavior of my Husband especially. From the beginning, it is his habit to discuss our personal matters in front of every one, to abuse me , to complaint about me in my absense complaint to his parents and disrespect me infront of other. whatever i say he deny and doesnt support my opinin in front of his family. I want to ask that in islam is it obligatory for lady to obey her husband despite of fact that her husband humilate her infront of every one and disrespect her When i ask for anything he simply refuses and say it is not in my nature. i dont say i m always right but i cant handle my disrespect infront of other and to discuss me infront of his parents. He never took my side when his parents taunt me. I am getting metally depressed day by day and didnt not focus neither on life not on our marital status and not on my 1 yrs old son as well. we are also not having any physical relationships and when i discussed this with my mother in law then she and my father in law has made him to have physically connected; to whom i should discuss this all and how to make my life normal life others husband and wife i couldnt get answer. the only thing he say that whatever i say u follow it

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      As per your explanation, it seems your husband’s behaviour towards you is not correct and he is committing some sins also. Such problems are becoming a common thing in our society unfortunately in present times. There can be many factors which can be argued upon as a reason for such problems, but the main reason is that we do not follow what Islam tells us to do. We keep ignoring Islamic rulings, and end up in such a mess.

      Can I ask you a question: How was your marriage done to your husband? Was it a arranged one or did you do a love-marriage? Please don’t mind asking this. And of course, you do not have the obligation to answer it if you feel uncomfortable answering it.

      regarding your concerns, my suggestion to you will be that you should try to initiate a talk with your husband and in-laws regarding your problem. Talk to them politely. Involve senior members of your family as well as his family to talk about the matter. Try to use references of Qur’an and Sunnah for the solution; you can take a print-out of the article (‘Husband-Wife relationship’) for ready references. Also ensure that you do not do anything wrong on your part that contradicts Islamic rulings; if you have done anything wrong, make Taubah to Allah. Pray to Allah for His guidance and help. Spend time in learning about Islam and how to improve our lives according to Islamic principles. And in the end if you feel that still your husband is not doing justice to your relationship, you have the right to ask for separation through ‘Al-Khul’ as the last resort. Insha’Allah your problems shall be solved.

      I pray to Allah that He helps you and set your affairs right. Feel free to write if you need any further clarifictaion in any matter or decision makign in context of Islamic rulings.

      And Allah knows best.

  46. Dear sir,my husband is hving relation with other lDy.he gives all the money to him.he beat me regularly.he doesnt care to childrens.i told so many times but never listen.tell be quarran ki aayat or surra for this

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      If your husband is having relations with another woman out of his marriage, then he is committing sin. If his relations are physical, then he is committing a greater sin. Ignoring you and his children is another sin which your husband is committing. However, coming to your query, you had asked about a Aayah or Surah from Qur’an about this matter. Please tell me for what purpose you are looking for a verse or chapter from Qur’an? There are many verses related to all this. Do you want to show the Aayah from Qur’an to your husband to tell him that he is doing wrong? Or do you want to learn some verses as supplication to help you? I would request you to specify clearly what are you looking for.

      May Allah help you and set your affairs right. Jazak Allah.

  47. Wa alaikum As Salam,

    Thanks Brother, I am grateful to you for your kind reply. the answer of your question is we both are first cousin, he is my mothers sister’s only son ; I was engaged somewhere else, he has forced his parents to ask my proposal for him bcz he wants to get marry me as per him he liked me bcz he thought that i am quite and wont reply him in anything , i will not be having my opinin so this way we got married bcz of his likness; He is brought up with his 3 sisters so he mostly having the habits of girlys. Further what i have observed in my last 4 years that his father doesn’t respect his mother and the same he is doing with me; I dont respect him any more and doesnt also want to talk to him ; i also dont have a stong background of my parents so i can go back ; i am too much depressed due to this situation. we had talk with each other many times after fight but doesnt come to any solution , our talks always ends at the point that he demands me not to respond him whenever he say any thing and never ask him to go out with me. I dont know where to go n if take the decission to go back to my parents then my child will suffer and i dont want to do so. what i have suffered i dont want my child to go through as i brought up in a family where my mother and father always fighting. I dont want to create a human being like me in this world who looks for support and guidance in future but i dont find any way to go out.

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      May Allah help you out from your problems, may Allah set your affairs right. I can understand your problem, I can understand how you must be feeling. But don’t worry; have trust in Allah. Keep praying to Him. If you feel that your marital relation has reached a dead end, you can ask for separation through ‘Al-Khul’. Don’t worry about what will happen to your child, because Allah is there to take care of your child. Allah will open new avenues for you and your child, Insha’Allah. It is a matter of trust; put your faith in Allah and see. There might be a short time of some problems etc., but that is short-lived, comes as a test for us from Allah, and goes after testing us. So, be patient and keep your faith in Allah.

      May Allah help you.

  48. Seeking help and guidance

    Salam O Alaikum, i am sorry but I dont even know what is the problem and where to begin. I dont have anyone to speak to as I dot want my or my husband parents to gt upset. Because everyone know me aa the happiest person and they seek happiness in me.
    Please I need some proper guidance through Quran, Sunnah and Hadeeth. I am very upset and now depressed. I read articals about islamic guidance almost all night long when everyone at home asleeps. I read all day long as well except when I have to pray or feed my kids. Before I was very active. My house was always clean, dishes washed right after meals, food cooked in the morning everything on time and done well. But now I dont feel like cleaning or taking care of household chores. I have 2kids.1is 2yrs old the other is 8yrs old. The elder doesnt go to school. I homeschooled her. She is ahead her mates in studies as I usedto take extra attention. I even taught her Quran myself and teach her evry day. She prays Salat and that is also taught by me. Her father though loves them both a lot but has never taught them anything. He doesnt even know what level she is studying. This increases my stress. I feel I have resposibilities more than I can take. I have lost a lot of weight and develop thyroid problem too. My husband and I got married 11 yrs back. He was a senior student in thesame college I studied. He liked me and told me that he wants sendhis parents to my house. He kept on trying to marry for 5 yrs. My mother didnt approve him in the start just because his life style . But then she agreedand we married. I liked him at that time as he loved me so much. When I got married came to his house where his parents and 2 brothers and a servant lived it was very hard for me as I have no brother and my parents house had only 1 male. I never cooked but without any hasitation I started involving in the kitchen. Need to mention that at thattimemy sister in law who was married with 2 small sons had some problems with her husband so she also used to stay with us 3 to 4 days a week. Sometimes she would leave for shopping with my mother in law and I would look after her kids in her absence. My husband was working wih his father in his factory. He is vey hardworking, sensitive for his parents, and obedient aon MashaAllah. He would stay long and late at work even he was 3days old wedded.I never felt bad about it but when he came back from work his sister or father would call him that they would like to discuss something about work. That upseted me. If he came home early we would eat with me in the same plate but while watching t.v or computer. I felt ignored. But never showed him how unimportant i feel. I always felt that he feels guilty in front of his parents thathe married to someone from his choice. So I made extra effort to make his parents think that he made a good decission. I cooked and alwaysinvolved in activities that would benefit him and his family.His family was having tough financial times. I never complained or even asked for amything. Though I came from a well background but never gave importance to money or material things. Tough ime started when my father in law all of a sudden forced him to leave for a very low paid job arranged abroad. The demands from me incresed from his family . I was also teachiing at that time but after worki would cook. For 6 months i stayed there without my husband when finally i realized that its not good to stay there wihout my husband so i left for my parent house. I never trevelled alone on public transport but i had to. I felt like an unwanted guest thorugh out that period. My husbamd too was haviing terrible finance problem. He was vey upset but his parents wont let him come back although they were enjoyimg better life style now. After 8 months ,y patience was worn out. I asked his father to lend him some money so that atleast he could call me to share his stress. That was my mistake i first time heard him saying that you dont have any problem staying here and having a good time here. Let him save money like this and struggle as it will benefit them and me. And that they dont have any money to send him or send me to him. I was shocked as their daughters are living with their husbands. Its my believe that Allah like husband and wife to stay together and living together can solve all their problems. My parents overheard my cries that day and sent my husband money to arrange visa for me. I met him after 9 months. He has changed due to hardships. He has developed very bad temper. He shout and hit walls. Then appologized. But this became a habbit. After a bad day he would say sorry and expect me to entertain him at night. I didnt refuse unless i had a reason that is genuine. We were living hand to mouth but i always supported him and never let him down. The only thing that matter was his anger. I gave birth to my 1st daughter wihout him as i was at my parents house and he could xome because of working abroad. That was a time i strongly wanted him but he was not there to support me. This gave me severe depression. Then i could not feed her my milk and he didnt support me in that as well so i felt guilty in front of my daughter as well. Sometimes when i got upset i would shout and get upset. He only added to it or went to sleep ignoring me never realized what a big change has occured in our lives and what i was going through. All these feeling started to add up and after the birth of 2nd daughter it was still the same. Though in this long journey he has got a good position at work and is now supportin his parents as well. He has learnt to manage his anger most of the time but I have lost mine now. I am impatient, sometimes disobedient, careless for household jobs, careless for myself and angry and irritable all the time. I have tried talking to my husband to correct things but he think everything is right. He sleeps when i initiate even if it is daytime. I still one sidedly look after my kids emotional needs. I need space now some one to realize. But he doesnt understand my anger or frustration. I am afraid ,y mental condition will make bad contibution for my kids upbringing. Above all i have lost that strong love ii had for my husband. I dont feel likehaving any physical relationship with him and sometimes cant tolerate him. He thinks that i am regreting but infact i want his help to make things better than the way it was. I have told mmany times but he dont understand. Under this mental stress i dont go on his call on bed. When i do i feel i am betraying him. Am I commiting sin? I feel sad for him yet i have turned rock hearted. My concern is my 8yr olddaughter too who is very sensitive and can feel what is goiing on. Help me and guide me. Thank you JAZZAK ALLAH KAIR Please remember in your duas as well.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah sister,

      Sad to know sorry state of affairs prevailing among families of modern world, yours is no exception. It is all because we all have forgotten Allah’s words and His Messenger’s (PBUH) words. All our actions are based on eprsonal whims and wishes, without carign whether any of our action is correct or not as per Islam; we simply do not care about it, and hence, we pray the price; and if we do not go back to correct path, we will ahve to pay price in Hereafter also. May Allah have mercy on us.

      My advice to you is as follows:

      1. Please try to control your anger; it is not good. keep reciting ‘Aaoozo billahe min-ash-shaitan ar-rajeem’ regularly whenever you feel like developing anger. Insha’Allah that shall be helpful.
      2. Till you are wife of your husband, it is your duty to satisfy his physical needs. So, if you reject your husband’s request for sex, yes, you will be committing sin.
      3. If things have gone to such an extent where you can no more live with your husband, Islam has given a solution in form of ‘divorce’ (or ‘Al-Khul’). But that should be the last resort. Also, a woman who asks for ‘Al-Khul’ without any genuine reason is termed as a female hypocrite by the Prophet (PBUH). Therefore, be careful in any of your course of actions. And if you feel that yes your situation demands a separation, go ahead for it. Allah will open another way for you, Insha’Allah.
      4. Your concern about your husband not payign attention to your kids upbringing is correct. he should perform his responsibilities, otehrwise he will be answerable to Allah. But this message you should convey to him, and pray to Allah for His help. What else can you do sister? Leave everything else to Allah.
      5. Ensure that you do not do anything wrong on your part.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right and help you come out of your problems.

      • Seeking help and guidance

        Thank you very much for your advise. I am doing exactly according to your advise. I gave anyother try to talk to my husband and finally we both sorted our mistakes. ALHAMDULLILAH things are better and InshaAllah will be much better. I will InshaAllah follow your advise on controlling my anger as well. May Allah bless His blessings upon you. Ameen
        Please remember my family in your prayers.
        Jazzaka Allah khair

        • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

          Alhumdolillah, happy to know that your problems are sorted out. Aameen to your prayers.

          Jazak Allah.

  49. Assalam o Alaikum,

    I have been engaged and in sha allah will be getting married in few months, lately i found out that the girl im marrying had relationship with a guy for 4 years and who supposed to be non muslims and they were in v serious relationship and she did almost everything for him.. initially i thought of breaking this relationship then i heard from girl and she said she s pious and islamic from past one yr and not into any haraam relationship from one yr and she begged me to give her one chance to be pious n she has sweared on allah that she ll be my obedient wife till her last breath… i forgave her but sometimes when i think abt that then i get too too much angry.. please help me in this regard in the light of Qur’an and Hadith.

    • Wa alaiklum Salam warahmatallah brother,

      A big mistake what most of us do at the time of looking for our spouse is that none of us try to do Istekhara in such a crucial decision of our lives. And then we keep bothering about so many things all through our lives. Who can give an advice better than Allah? No one. So my advice for you in this matter is that you should do Istekhara. And Allah knows best.

  50. I loved one girl since long time and then got her also just three years before. I have debtt of some amount not and told her before engagement only that you can leave your job and rule in the house and manage the home and care my parents . She told she would support me and also rejected other good well settled offer even on my insist as i wanted her to be happy in all case. I have served her best till now provided full support and more than needed. However its ten months of marriage and since month she is at her home and telling wont give money from job but will stay with you and only will fullfill my wishes with my earnings. I gave option of leaving job and joy househlod life with fullest as I have big home and my parents at home. They treat her too good like me only and each day even food is of her choice. She never respected my parents also and not heard my instructions for anything. I still beared but now what to do. they are not listening and even bothered . Her mother is not even bothered to talk with us. Could you please guide me for the same. you can mail me if you want some more clarification of details.

    • Salam alaikum brother,

      Yours is just another case in a long list of similar marital disaccords. The basic mistake done by majority of us is at the time of selection of spouse. We never pay attention to the recommendations of Islam while doing so; instead we look for the one we have been in love with, we look for financial status of spouse and his/her family, we look for how much modernized they are etc.We never look for how good a Muslim our going-to-be spouse is. We never try to understand how God-fearing our going-to-be spouse is. We never try to find out whether the wealth earned by family of our spouse is by honest means or fraudulent. We do not pay attention to compatibility of two families, their cultures, their backgrounds etc. And after marriage, we pay the price.

      Coming back to your specific query, the best thing that can be recommended to do in your case at this moment is to arrange for a serious talk among the two families and among you and your wife. Involve senior personnel from both families; and both parties should speak out the issues clearly in front of all. The issues should be analyzed in light of Qur’an and Sunnah, and there should be no compromize on anything that is against rulings of Islam. Take the decision accordingly. Inshallah all will be well.

      I pray to Allah that he helps you and sets your affairs right.

      Feel free to write again if you need any further clarification.

      Jazak Allah.

  51. Salam Brother:

    May I inquire about a husband’s responsibility and duties toward his wife’s mother?

    My wife has no brothers and her father passed away some time ago leaving her mother alone as all daughter’s are married save one daughter who is working overseas. Wife’s mother (age 56) can support herself financially and daughter’s are always there to help out financially.

    My wife’s mother’s mother (my wife’s grandmother) is also alive as are my wife’s mother’s 3 brothers (wife’s uncles) all living in my wife’s paternal home in another city.

    I am worried and concerned as I don’t know who is obligated to take care of my wife’s mother in old age?

    Please share your reply in light of Sunnah and Hadith.

    Somehow, I feel that I, as husband am dutibound to take care of my wife and children and my own parents (if they were alive) and my siblings. Care of my wife’s mother is the responsibility of my wife’s grandmother as she is alive (even though old) and that of my wife’s mother’s brothers especially as the paternal home is intact and they live as a joint family and there is room to spare.
    My understanding is that my wife and her married sister’s too are also obligated to their husbands and children.

    Your help will be IMMENSELY appreciated. Look forward to your prompt reply.

    Thank you,


    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah brother. response to your query has been sent to your email ID.

      Jazak Allah.

    • Mashallah, every women should live peacfully without any problem of mother in law. every husband must understand his wife n her mind properly. pls make dua for me. Feeamanillah.

  52. Assalaamualaikum,
    My concern might seem very trivial to most, but it is very real and deteriorating our relationship on a daily basis. I am not physically attracted to my husband anymore. Infact sometimes I have to look away, that’s how much I feel repulsed by him. We have kids and I feel like I will have to live with these feelings for the rest of my life because of kids. I am not ungrateful for all that I have, alhamdulillah I am treated well in my relationship but I’m not sure how much longer I have to hide these feelings… I keep telling myself that I am vain for thinking this way but there are other factors that have contributed towards this attitude. There were some realizations that he is not the person I thought I was marrying. He held back so many important details about his family, which I later found out and which if I had known, would have deterred me from marrying him. This makes him a deceiving person, and he is manipulative, characteristics that I did not know of him, perhaps because I was naive. At the same time, I have involuntarily, started noticing other men who seem attractive. I realize this is haram, I’ve tried to keep myself busy with different activities, but I feel these thoughts have consumed me….I read duas, astaghfar, as I am aware that these thought are through shay tan, but the thoughts don’t go away.
    Pls help

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Sister, now that you are married, you have to fulfill your responsibilities towards your husband as a wife, and that includes giving him physical satisfaction as well. However, your feelings towards him resulting due to the described negative qualities about him, which you discovered later, are only human. The best way is to talk to your husband in order to help him get rid of his negative characteristics in view of Islamic rulings. Try helping him; that shall be beneficial to him and you too., Insha’Allah.

      Feelign attracted towards men other than your husband is not correct, and you should exercise strict control over such feelings.

      Pray to Allah for His help; spend more time in learning and understanding Islam; adopt Islamic rulings in your life; help your husband also to adopt Islamic rulings in your life; it will seem tough, but Allah will help. If you are able to help your husband get rid of his bad characteristics, Be-izn-Allah, your married life will be happy again, Insha’Allah. And you will not have any more negative thoughts about your marital life.

      I pray to Allah that He helps you and sets your affairs right.

      Jazak Allah.

  53. salams. mashalah.

  54. salam
    I was married with my husband from nov 2011,but we had a 5yrs love relationship.we were deeply in love always.for some unavoidable circumstances we stayed together before marriage because we were both student and cant afford live alone and it was really hard to live without each other.but within 5yrs time one day he was angry and promised touching quran that he wil never get married to me(actually later we got married),but immediately after that incident he got tuberculosis and got better in 2011,we got married end of the 2011 ,but in june 2012 he diagnosed leukemia(blood cancer) and eventually doctor managed donor from usa.he had transplant oct 2012,after transplant he become so ill and died nov 2013,i am shocked and feeling dead without him,i am so in love with him that I cant breathe ,he left his last breath on my hand.couple of weeks before he dies he behaved very strange way to me and started misbehaving me.i was upset as well.but just 7days before he die he allowed me to visit him.he didn’t say anything to me before he died,he wanted but couldn’t speak,Now I am lost totally.

    the reason I m saying this now because I am very ill mentally,people are saying a lot of rubbish around me,i need some serious advice
    -we could not manage to keep the promise because we got married,i tried but allah took him because it was sin.now how my husband get forgiveness in the grave?can I do anything about this?he already done tauba quite lot of times and I done aswell ,even that night I prayed tauba and blow him with dua

    -Is my relationship finished(some people are saying its sinful for me) with my husband?
    -if I want to take my husband’s sparm and get pregnant,is that allowed now? because my husband wanted that while he was alive.

    Lastly I really loved him more than anything else in this world.i really need some advice,he suffered a lot and he was 29years old only

    • Wa alaikum Salam,

      Your relation with your husband gets over when your period of ‘Iddah’ is completed. Are you observing ‘Iddah’ or not? You should do it, as it is an obligation on you.

      From Islamic point of view, after completing Iddah, you should look forward and think about your life ahead. Whatever mistakes you have done along with your partner, try to compensate for those. Ask Allah for forgiveness. Live a straight-forward life, as per Islamic guidelines. Getting pregnant from your dead husband’s sperm is not what Islam tells us. Rather, observe Iddah. After completion of Iddah, get married to someone who is a good Muslim. Spend your life as per Allah’s wish. Pray for maghfirah of your previous husband. Learn about Islam; adopt its teachings in your life. Take on these efforts. This is what Islam tells us. Please remember, we reap what we sow. So be careful in your actions.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

      • salam
        thanks for the answer.i m really broken,my tears have no limit,As i have to work for living thats y I need to come out from the house,except this I m observing my iddah.
        my ques is:
        -If I take the sparm,is it going to b sin?
        -I really want to visit him,is there any prayer where I can see him & talk to him?
        thanks again

        • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

          There is no concept of getting sperm from the dead husband. It shall of course constitute a sin.

          Islam is not a religion of mystic rituals or myths where you can find acts or supplications which can enable you to talk to your dead husband. Please shed off all these thoughts of ignorance and start living your life as per a normal Muslim.

          May Allah set your affairs right.

          And Allah knows best.

  55. Sir!
    Is there any verse or dua through which some hidden secrets may be revealed. I want to know that is my husband is still involved in other woman or not. All his family members, friends are doubting on him. Please help me out.

  56. Salaam.
    I’ve been reading through the article my husband and wife relationship, it has some good advice. I’ve been in a difficult predicament for the past 10-14 years. Do apologise in advance for the long winded message but will try and keep it short. I got forcefully married in Pakistan to my first cousins with a lot of emotional blackmail and family politics involved. The wedding went ahead try making things happen but was not happy due various reasons and got divorce after ten years. My parents have nevertheless understood my feelings or tried to step in to understand what’s going through my head. I have re married again for almost 4 years, I have 3 children 1 from the first wife and 2 from the present wife and another baby on the way. We used to live with in parents house and we’re evicted from the house whilst she was 6 months with Allah sw will we ended up in the house which family paid deposit for. Me and my wife completed done the house up etc from scratch.

    The thing is my is fantastic daughter, mother and wife does the everything but only one thing is no passionate love for me. When it want to have physical relationship it’s just to the point and that’s it and it really annoys me. I do everything to support her financially, help with the kids and other errands. She is always angry and everything is written on her face. She doesn’t get on with my family and every time I go there it annoys her cos she’s not acknowledged . She’s always throwing things back at my face I believe sister in law has been using 3rd party to gain advice to get closer to my brother and using us as the enemies etc. I believe she uses a lot thaweez against us. I have read messages from her to my bro that me and my wife are jealous and are not happy this advice has been passed from 3rd party some pious women.

    I don’t know what to do I can’t even sit down and discuss anything without it being thrown back at my face. It’s stressing me out and all I think about is divorce mainly cos my needs ain’t begin fulfilled and don’t feel like my wife cares or loves me

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      If your wife is not fulfilling your physical requirement, she is committing a sin. Moreover, if she is behaving with you in an insulting manner (like throwing things at your face etc.), that is again a sin on her part.

      Do not worry about what third parties might be doing etc. Just trust Allah and according to His words. You should not think of divorce immediately. Aayah No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’ tells us what a husband should do when his wife shows ill-conduct. The first thing is that you should admonish her verbally telling that he behaviour is not correct and she might have grave consequences if she doesn’t change her behaviour. If even after that she remains same, you should refuse to share bed with her. If she doesn’t change her behaviour even after that, you have the right to beat her (lightly) in order to make her realize her the mistakes. If she doesn’t mend her ways even then, then you take the option of divorce, not before that.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  57. Asalam o alikum

    I am in nikkah from more thn an year. We didnt have rukhsati yet as my husband is living abroad and my process is on going. We face similar issue many times, as we are living separately we dont know each other much. My husband always feels that i share his things with others and dont give respect to his family. When we become annoyed he quit communication with me for weeks even. I always clarify him that i didnt share anything but at time he believes and then again same thing happens.
    I asked him many times what exactly he heard that i have shared and what does he want me to do but he never mentioned and i left with confusion.
    this time when he quit talking to me i called him and showed my anger and asked him the reason, he listen and said you should know what you have to do . I have to travel alot i always asked him before travel and informed his parents also what my mistake is at this time i informed them little late but still before travel. now he is not talking to me from 3 weeks and said we can only talk once in 2 week now . I apologized many times but he is not listening to me.
    Please let me know what should i do in such case. I want to make this marriage very successful.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah sister,

      It is very difficult to make any definitive comment because such a short message is not enough to understand your situation satisfactorily. However, my suggestion to you will be that you should not do anything that goes against Islamic rulings. Pray to Allah for His help sincerely. Insha’Allah all your problems shall be solved.

      Jazak Allah.

  58. ASalam alaikum,
    i Just want to know that what is the status of inlaws inbetween husband n wife,cause if there interferre to creat problems for a couple then how shoud be they treated like.and what islam says about it.i need the reply with refference to Quran AND HADITH.
    thanks brother.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Islam tells us that we should always be with haq, even if it means going against our parents (ref. Aayah No. 135, Surah An-Nisa’). This should be our criterion for dealing with all, whether our relatives or our in-laws.

      And Allah knows best.

  59. Assalamu alaikum brother….i have seen all the posts and answers,i appreciate ur effort brother…….now here is my story….i am 22 years old,desperate to get married but cant tell my parents….i have got so many chances of doing sex but i abstained myself from doing that as it is haram……but allah knows so many girls were attracted towards me and i avoided them…..i am also desperate to have sex….can u tell me some quranic verse to get married soon……as i know i m also commiting sin by looking,thinking about girls…..may allah protect us all from shaitan…..jazakallah

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah brother,

      May Allah bless you and keep you protected from any wrongdoing. I am not aware of any such specific verse, but all I can suggest is that you should pray sincerely to Allah for your marriage. Insha’Allah your problem shall be solved, Be-izn-Allah.

      Jazak Allah.

  60. Assalaamualaikum,
    I need advise. I am married to a divorced man who has 2 children from his previous marriage. We have been married for 8 years and have 2 children of our own. As his two sons, from his previous marriage grow older, my husband is becoming more secretive about his communications between him, his two sons and his ex-wife.
    What really makes me feel very uncomfortable is that since the past two years, my husband has been complaining of not enough money and insists that I contribute financially to the household expenses. I am truly unhappy about this because the main reasons for this inadequacy is because he has been contributing excessively to his ex-wife and his sons. He has court order, which requires him to provide $2000.00 monthly to his two children who are in the custody of his ex-wife.
    However, of late, he his giving them more than that – at the expense of my two young children. Each time his ex-wife requires money for the two sons; be it for enrichment courses or to bring them overseas for holidays, he will just give in. There are many occasions that my two young children needs have to be forgo just to make sure the sons wants (demanded by his ex-wife) being fulfilled. When I voiced up my concerns and unhappiness, he just ignored me. He said that I am only a wife but those two boys are his sons! Then what about my two younger children? Aren’t they his children too? And what about his responsibility towards providing to his two younger children needs and my needs? I feel that he is being unfair towards my children and me. But he said what ever a husband does – it is always fair in the eyes of Islam. Is that right?
    Whenever I try to reason out with him, he will simply ignore me and keep quiet if the answer doesn’t favor him. How can I make sense to him?
    Please advise.
    Jazak Allah

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      It will be very difficult for me to make a judgement based on a short message from your end; it is necessary that more details be known, and view of your husband be also known before taking a view. Therefore, I won’t make any definitive comment.

      However, as a husband, it is his responsibility to take care of all his dependants, and treat all his dependants fairly. This is clarified in Aayah No. 3 of Surah An-Nisa’. If he fails to do so, he shall be answerable to Allah. Talk to him in a polite manner to convey this message. Talk to him in view of Qur’an. And then leave everything to Allah. Insha’Allah all your affairs shall be set right.

      And Allah knows best.

  61. A.aleikum. My husband has refused to prayers. We have 3 kids,I have had several talks with him, he agrees he is
    on the wrong but doesn’t go back to Allah. He is so much in dunia. He chews miraa daily, sleeps very late at night and goes to night clubs with his friends. It is really hurting me seeing him do these unlawful things and this makes me really unhappy. Should I live him the way he is and continue living with him or should I leave him?? What does Islam teachings advice on this? What about my prayers, charity and food deeds does Allah accept them if I live with such a husband?

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      You have a great responsibility to bring your husband on right track. Talk to him seriously. Talk to him telling him that you want him to be right for his sake, for the sake of Allah. If he is adamant in his view to stick to wrong habits, you should tell him clearly that you cannot live with him unless he leaves his wrong acts. it is necessary for him to know all this and realize his mistakes.

      Since you have this feeling in your heart, Inshallah all your acts of kindness shall be accepted by Allah, Be-izn-Allah. Just keep yourself and your children on right path, keep trying to bring your husband too on right path, Inshallah you will get help from Allah.

      And yes, if your does not stops his wrong acts, you have the right to seek separation. But this should be the last resort.

      And Allah knows best.

  62. As salaamu alaikum,
    Al Hamdu Lil Allah Me and my beloved husband has passed 7 months of happy married life. We live peacefully with each other. He takes care of me in every manner and even sometimes help me in my household chores.
    My parents are very sensitive for me, this is the reason why they get upset for little things (like I’m not talking to them for longer time, did not come to visit them for a longer period, etc) and start to quarrel with my in-laws. They have made negative thoughts about my husband and his family which are completely false. Due to this sometimes my husband gets angry on me as well. He has told me not to talk for long on phone with my parents as it may again rise a new conflict between us. I get really hurt when I think about how I have to treat my own parents and try to maintain distance with them for the sake of my husband.
    Please suggest me some good ways to reconcile between my husband and my parnets.
    Jaza ka Allahu khairan

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      You should treat all fairly. Do not take unfair side of anyone, neither of your parents nor of your husband.

      Talk to your parents that they should not interfere too much in your marital life. If you are happy with your husband, then there should be no reason of interference of your parents in your marital life. You should tell them politely that their unwanted interference shall not be entertained.

      Islam tells us that we should side with haq, even if it means going against our own parents. So, don’t worry, Allah is with you. Take the correct action. Insha’Allah all matters will be solved.

      And Allah knows best.

  63. AOA Brothers & Sisters,

    Can you kindly advise where in the Quran does it say that a husband and wife are “not allowed” to share there private conversations and private acts with “anyone”, JAK.

    Kindly email me the answer and also post it here, JAK.

  64. As a Muslim women, living in a foreign country I was not able to learn about my religion. What is my duty as a daughter and now as a wife? All I knew was that, as long as I keep both side happy am doing the right thing. I have unfortunately lied to myself and living a unhappy life to keep the peace between my family and my husband. I have lived two separate lifes for the past 2 years, cause I couldn’t let go my family or my husband. I love both parties very much. As a Muslim women, who has more rights on me? My family of 30 years or my husband of 2 years? Note that my husband doesn’t live with me cause of distance, and he just recently told me he can’t wait for me and that he is moving on with his life with someone else. Please help me understand this, so I can make the right decision.

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      You have responsibility towards both, your husband as well as your parents and kins. No one can or should dictate that you should choose anyone of them. That is not correct. If your husband wants you to stay away from your parents and kins, he is wrong, and you are not bound to obey your husband in any matter that is against Islam. If that means that he will divorce you, so be it. That’s why, one should be extremely careful at the time of choosing one’s life partner. Instead of going for high career positions and standard in life of a spouse, one should look for how good his/her spouse is in religion. If our criterion of selection is based on Islamic rulings, we won’t end up in such a situation Insha’Allah.

      Please take a correct decision, which is correct according to Islam, not correct as per duniya. Feel free to contact me for further advise/clarifications.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  65. Salam.

    Need guidance on my marriage issue.
    We two sisters got married to two brothers. I am elder got married to elder brother. My sis just had
    Nikkah later she got divorce. My in laws now want my husb to divorce me. It is now been 8yrs of my marriage but stil thrre behaviour is same.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      It is sad to know about divorce of your sister, and even sadder to know that your in-laws want your husband to divorce you too.

      It is not possible to make any definitive comment on the basis of your short message. Please clarify what would you like to know about in view of Islamic rulings related to your case/situation?

      May Allah help your married life rmeian intact and full of His blessings. Ameen.

      Jazak Allah.

  66. me and my husband once in awhile have big arguments sometimes but after a few hours we are fine but family are saying we wont last. are we doing a good thing or is everyone right we are not going the right way about things. we dont argue all the time maybe a few times in a month

  67. As salamalaikum, I am married for almost three years now. I was a hindu before marriage and converted, love marriage. Everything was very nice when suddenly two mnths back my husband starting coming home late and always busy on anither call. When i confronted him the told me he is involved with another girl from his work. He works in Call centre and only night shift. He has never taken his family or my responsibility. I am also working. Now he has left me at my dads house since three weeks and says he wants talaq. We have no children coz he doesnt like kids. Please guide me how to solve this. My inlaws r with me and want me back

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah sister,

      It is difficult to make a definitive comment base don such a small message. However, from whatever you have described, it seems that your husband wants to divorce you and he has some other girl/woman whom he is interested in. The solution is in talking with him. QUr’an tells us that when two people/parties/groups (Of Muslims) happen to have a dispute, all other Muslims (relatives, friends, neighbours etc.) should join together to talk to both parties and solve their problem in view of Islamic rulings. And if any party goes adamant and tries to cross the limits, then all should go against that person/party unless he/she/they get back to right path. This ruling is given in Surah Hujurat.

      Ask your near and dear ones to take on the issue based on this instruction from Qur’an. Insha’Allah your problem shall be solved. Feel free to contact for further clarifications, if any.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  68. Salam O Alaikum,

    I have a question in regards to my wife and her parents, My wife doesn’t support me when her parents accuses me that I don’t allow her to go meet her family which is not true I have always given my wife chances to go visit her family and it was not her choice to go back then because she wanted to visit Europe instead, Her father also insulted my Dad and she kept quiet and did not say anything, I have provided her the best life that I could, I never made any friends or I gave her my most of the time, When we had a new born baby she did cut the hair of the baby and did not inform me or my parents while I was at work, I got upset that without informing me she cut the hair of the baby, I rang up her dad and gently told him that my wife has cut the hair of the baby and did not inform me instead of explaining to her daughter he started shouting at me and said that just keep your baby and send my daughter back to me MY WIFE STILL KEPT quiet, NEXT day her father called my father and insulted us back again and still she kept quiet and did not say anything don’t you think its her fault not to take stand for her husband and tell her parents that you are wrong and have no right to talk to my husband like that ? Please answer as this is very important matter for me,

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Not only about your wife, rather, it is obligatory for all of us to stand up for haq. We should always side with truth, even if it means that we will have to go against our parents and other relatives.

      Jazak Allah.

  69. Asalam Aliakum admin,

    I am a Muslim sister – me and my husband masha Allah share a very good relationship. My husband masha Allah earns very well that he spends very decently on me (in our home) as well on his parents and brothers and sisters – you can include him among very high earning individuals. I am currently not working, however my parents are financially not very well as well as I have a younger brother and a sister who want to study further but are facing financial difficulties – my husband doesn’t feel any responsibility towards them and I don’t balm him for this. However my questions here are two:

    1. when my husband gives me money for buying anything for myself – if I buy less expensive stuff and save some money (after searching for sales and comparing prices etc. it is a hard work I a sure you know) I am right to give this money to my parents, sister and brother for their education? am I supposed to tell my husband about it? because if I tell him, he will not like this and also establish a bad image of my parents as he believes that girls parents are supposed to give only and not take.

    2. my second question is that if I work can I hide it from my husband purely for the reason that I want to help my parents – if I don’t hide, he’ll expect the money to be our savings. my father has struggled a lot to get me to this point that today I am doing a PhD, however this saddens me so much that he might not get the fruit as whenever I will work, my husband will expect my pay to contribute to household expense or become our savings. Please advise me as it is killing me that when my parents need my helps I am unable to help them. Furthermore I also wanted to add that my father financed me to get a masters degree and then he had only enough to get my sister (younger) to do her masters but at that time my fiancé (today my husband) forced me to request my father to finance me for my PhD and therefore my father gave that money to me instead of my sister. at that time my fiancé promised that when in shaa Allah we’ll be a position we’ll help your parents and younger sister but now when the time has come, he says that your father sponsored you because he could afford it and all parents do these sort of things for their daughter, your father did nothing special – if he doesn’t have money for your younger sister, your sister should understand this and not think of studying further or your brothers should take the responsibility.

    I hope you’ve understood the situation – he is a gentleman however on these issues he is very unhelpful and I feel guilty and in debt towards my parents and sister.

    I look forward to hearing from you very soon – many thanks in anticipation.

    JazakAllah khair

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah sister,

      1. By what you have explained about your husband’s attitude towards your parents, I am sorry to say that you should not call him a gentleman. He should udnerstand that your parents are like his parents also, and if they are in financial distress, you being their daughter (and he being their son-in-law) have the moral responsibility to help them. If you don’t, you will be answerable to Allah.

      2. Whatever money you get from your husband for your personal expenses (not for your household expenses) become yours, and you have full right to use them for your parents.

      3. It won’t be good on your part to work without informing and/or seeking permission from your husband.

      The correct way to go ahead in this matter is that you should talk to your husband politely and convince him that he should help your parents financially. Remind him that he had promised to help your parents and siblings when he becomes stronger financially. He should keep his words as amark of true Muslim. He should realize that money comes from Allah. Today he is havign it, tomorrow it could be your brotehrs and sisters who could get blessed and become financially stronger. Therefore, we should not become arrogant once Allah blesses us with wealth; instead, we should get more humble and extend our help to as many people as we can. And yes, you have the responsibility to help your parents.

      I am sorry to repeat that your husband is not a gentleman, or else let him prove he is.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

      • Qurat-ul-ainnaeem

        Asalam Aliakum, Many thanks for your detailed reply – unfortunately, all our talks in this regard end up in big argument and things go even worst. He says you are married now – your only duty is your home and not your parents and brothers and sisters…….things never come to a resolution. Please pray for me.

        I also wanted your kind guidance on a similar issue – I have an older sister here in the UK, she is a single parent with two daughters of age below 10. unfortunately my sister has learning disability and not very much capable of growing with the children and their growing needs – therefore I visit her every sunday to help with children’s homework and other letters, financial issues, household shopping etc. however everytime that I want to go to my sister (although my husband is always with me) my husband starts arguing that why we go there every week. I keep convincing him that even if this was not my real sister and another muslim women in this situation we should help her and in this case she is my real sister – i must help her and make sure her daughters are doing well in school etc. but he says you are not her responsible, she should get married and sort her life out. But i am extremely afraid of my sister getting married again as I don’t trust anyone (after experiences with my husband) that another man will look after my nieces well and will take care of them as daughters provided that my sister is in her mid forties and having learning disability and being very very naive.

        I am in extreme pain, I take my nieces so much close to me as I used to live with them before marriage for over 3 years and I have always looked after them – they depend a lot on me. I explained all these to my husband before marriage but now he denies this and says that I had never thought that we will have to do it every week. I must also tell you that we only go for a few hours – for example from 15:00 – 19:00 or an hour up or down. still my husband says this is a problem for him. He never understand my love for these kids, I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I should seek for Khulah and dedicate my life to up bring my nieces and make them good Muslims and Human Beings. Please advise me as I am in extreme pain and really feel to leave my husbands home and just go…………I am way pushed to the wall.

        • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah sister,

          Your husband’s attitude is absolutely wrong. he has no right to stop you from taking care of your needy sister and your parents. Whetehr your sister marries again or not, is anothr question. But till she is alone, and she needs someone to help her, it your duty as a sister to provide that help to her. Your sisters kids are like your own kids. Islam has given a big status to Khala (i.e. sister of mother).

          If you husband doesn’t want you to take care of your parents or sister, who are in need of your help, he is wrong. As I said earlier, the first step should be to talk and explain him about his wrong attitude. Try to involve elders of both families to sort this matter. If he is adamant and doesn’t want to listen to anyone, then you have the right to seek Al-Khul.

          May Allah help you and set your affairs right.

          And Allah knows best.

          • Dear brother in Islam, Asslaam Aliakum WRW,

            Many thanks for your help and advice previously, unfortunately things have not changed much however having known my Islamic rights – I now try to help my older sister (physically and emotionally) as much as I can without harming my life with my husband and I have spoken to him in clarity that I will not compromise on his rights towards me however I will also always try and help my sister as she genuinely deserves my help and support. Allah SWT has granted me with courage to manage things far better than previously – therefore I wanted to thank you for bringing me true knowledge and authentic courage of standing with right.

            I kindly need your advise on the matter I discussed in my first comment – my husband is among the first 1% of highest earners in the UK, therefore you can well imagine that how well off he is. My issue is that he used my father’s money indirectly (in terms of my fee for my course and living expenses for approximately two years, so he could come in the UK as my dependent and work) and promised me that he will return that money afterwards – I must clarify that my father couldn’t afford it and I forced my father to help me, he did that using all his savings and borrowing from friends and family. However when he came here, he has a lot of pressure from back home to send more and more money to build a palace like home in the native country. He already sends a big amount every month without a miss and his two other brothers also earn very well – I have no issue with this, my only issue is the money that my father has spent for him. I want this to be returned to my father so he can help my brother or sister with their education. I know, tried and tested, my husband will never return this money as he now claims that my father spent it on me out of his love………etc. etc.

            what I do now is that I ask him for money for myself for example that I need to buy my cosmetics and cloths etc. and when he asks how much, I tell him higher end prices (I know he doesn’t mind me buying expensive things). However when I receive the money, I buy inexpensive things for myself and spare some money to collect and save for my sister’s education. Also I sometimes buy things for my family (never out of reach/limit, just nominal) but don’t tell my husband and when he asks how much is credit card bill – I tell him over all expenditure and he pays the bill. While I know that I am not spending a lot on my family (despite that he owes them big amount) still I feel concerned that is this OK for me to spend on my family as wife?
            The reality is that if I spend £10 on my sister, he wouldn’t like it but if I say I have lost £10 or I have used £10 he’ll not be bothered what so ever. I hope you understand my situation and dilemma? I just wanted to clarify that my intention is to get some percentage of the amount he owes to my father back without causing him any damage. Also my father still owes some money that he borrowed for me from his friends – can I secretly try to return that money without letting my husband know? telling him means a NO – whichever way I tell him.

            I am extremely stressed and uptight due to all these thoughts always in my head – Please advise – many thanks in anticipation.

          • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

            All thanks is for Allah alone; so please do not embarrass me by saying thanks. May Allah make you stronger in standing up for Haq.

            1. As your husband used money from your father, and had said that he will return it back, it means it is a debt on him which he has to repay. Had he been financially weak, it would have been understood that as to why he has not repaid so far. But as you said that he is one of the top earners in UK, therefore, he should immediately repay the debt he owes to your father. If he refuses to do so, remind him that debt is one thing which shall never leave him even when he reaches the Life of Hereafter. Even if someone dies in status of a martyr in Way of Allah, he will stopped and answered for unpaid debt of this world. So, he should realize how serious the matter of debt is. Plus, not keeping his words is another sin that he is committing by refusing to repay the debt.

            Instead of you saving from your pocket-money/expenses and giving it to your father/sister, ask him directly to repay the debt. While spending on your father/sister from your expenses, you are forced to tell lies, which is not good. You should abstain from this approach. If you help them from your expenses, you should be courageous to tell this truthfully to your husband.

            The ideal solution to this is that your husband should be talked about this matter; if required, involve senior members of your and his family to discuss this matter in open. He has to repay the debt; there can’t be an excuse to it.

            Apart from this, please pray sincerely to Allah for His help. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

            May Allah set your affairs right.

            And Allah knows best.

  70. aoa, i want to ask is there any concept of MANGLIK in islam….which is if a manglik married to a non-manglik then marriage ends with spouse’s death…i m a muslim and doesnt believe in this but one astrologer tells me that im a manglik….plz respond on my mail thanks

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      There is no such concept in Islam. This a Hindu belief and a Muslim is not supposed to hold any such belief.

      Stay away from astrologers. If a Muslim goes to an astrologer with a curiosity to know what he/she is saying (even though he/she doesn’t believe the astrolger), his/her prayers for forty days are not accepted by Allah. So just stay away from all such things.

      Only Allah knows what is going to happen next.

      And Allah knows best.

  71. Assalamu-Alaikum,

    Can you please advise what I should do as a proud independent Muslim man. Since our first child 3 years ago my wife has turned against me, she has hatred and intense anger in herself towards me. She left home couple of years ago and went to her parents abroad with my little girl, while abroad with her parents she phoned me and told me she will not be coming back and she wants a divorce. I was shaken to the core, my whole world was turned upside down, I ended up in hospital with a panic attack and kidney issues, while I was in hospital my friends and family tried calling her and informed her of my condition but she simply put the phone down and gave very harsh and cold responses. Eventually after several trips abroad, lots of begging and getting several outsiders involved she agreed to come back with her certain demands which I fulfilled. It was one of the worst humiliating experience of my life. Two and half years on we were blessed with twins after giving birth to twins we all thought we will be a lot closer but 8 months on she has started all over again asking for a divorce. Infect no matter what I do or what I say she puts me down, she finds holes in whatever I say by Allah I cannot explain how humiliating experience this is for me as a proud and independent man. I do not ask her of anything, not food, or doing my cleaning or ironing by Allah I do all that myself I simply ask her to show some respect, speak to me the way she speaks to her friends politely and kindly, to humble herself in front of Allah swt, not to speak to me with such harshness and contempt. We had many arguments in the past where during arguments and anger I have said some mean things and all she remembers is what I said in anger rather analysing what led to us arguing in the first place, her negative and humiliating role that made me lose my temper. By Allah I am not defending losing my temper we all should have control over our anger but simply putting things into perspective. She only remembers what was said to her in anger but not what and how she has behaved towards me. The irony of all this is that I actually Love her as my wife but she is adamant that I do not. Like all of us we all carry some baggage, she comes from a dysfunctional background where the way to communicate is to throw around a lot of emotions and beat each other up with emotions rather than to sit and communicate and come up with solutions. At present she made me leave home, she humiliated me so much by speaking to me as if I am her worst enemy, worst than a dirty dog, when I speak to her she turns her back on me and walks away, she just doesn’t care, although by Allah I have done no major thing to her, I am of a sound character, very hard working, proud, independent with no haraam habits, I don’t smoke or even go out to socialise with friends infect I work all week and on the weekends take my family out, I am very confused and heartbroken why this is happening to me. I am at present staying at work until she calms down I hope to go back home in the next few days, I miss my kids. Sometimes I get so fed-up and think enough is enough and its best to divorce her and than BY Allah I see 3 little innocent cute faces and I just can’t do it. She is full of stubbornness and arrogance nothing seems to work, infect her own parents are scared to speak to her when she is upset. By Allah I know people to have given divorce over major things, despite all she has done I still have very warm feelings for her. I would appreciate your sound advise and duas. Thank You. Wassalam

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Allah has given us a clear methodology to deal with women who behave in such manner. Refer to Verse No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’ (Chapter No. 04) of Holy Qur’an:

      “…..Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next/then) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means….”

      So, you being a husband on receiving end of your wife’s misbehaviour should stand up as a man and act according to this instruction from Allah (SWT). If your your wife does not comes to terms even after this, then the last resort should be divorce.

      I pray to Allah that He sets your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  72. Salam,

    I want ask a question about retaining nikha period, if Nikah has done but departure occurred after ten years, in this situation the nikah is valid or not according to islam. kindly answer me in detail with references.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Islam recommends to consummate the marriage as soon as it takes place (when the bride and groom are both of age of puberty). There is even a hadith reported in Sunan Abu Dawud (hadith No. 2124, Book of Marriage, Vol. 2) where Abu Qilabah said that Anas bin Malik (RA) narrated: “If a person marries a virgin while he has a wife, he should stay with her for 7 days. And if he marries a non-virgin, he should stay 3 days with her.” This shows that early (or immediate) consummation of marriage is recommended in Islam (for those who are of age of puberty).

      However, there is nothing which tells us that if consummation is delayed then it will nullify the marriage.

      And Allah knows best.

  73. Assalamualaikum Admin ,
    How if a husband accuses his wife have a relationship with another man even though his wife is no relationship with that man.she had sworn in the name of God and the qur’an ,but her husband still did not believe her and did not want to talk to his wife.what is the ruling in Islam and qur’an if husband like this?
    very sad indeed,because she is not so.how to make her husband believe and which way to do ?

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      The ruling for such a case is clearly explained in Verses 6, 7, 8 & 9 of Surah An-Nur (Chapter No. 24 of Holy Qur’an). According to these verses, if husband is accusing his wife of illicit relations with other man, he should produce four witnesses to substantiate his accusation on his wife. If he is unable to produce his witnesses, then he should testify four times himself by Allah (i.e. swear by Allah) that he is speaking truth. And a fifth testimony he should give saying that if he is a liar, then may Allah’s curse be on him.

      This shall make the woman liable for punishment.

      But if the woman also testifies four times that her husband is telling lies, and testifies fifth time that if she is saying a lie then may Allah’s curse be upon her, then that shall avert her punishment.

      But after all this is done, one of the testifier (the man or woman) shall bear the brunt of Allah’s curse/wrath. Therefore, both the wife as well as husband should be advised to take actions based on Allah’s rulings to be on safe side.

      And Allah knows best.

  74. Selam alejkum,

    My situation is slightly different then most- I have been with my boyfriend/fiance for 5 years now- the time has come to marry but we cant seem to agree on where the nikah is to take place- i wish to do it here as my 2 family members are here his are overseas but he has a larger family then myself (7). We spoke about this for over 1 month now and i spoke to my mother and he has spoken to his family or so he says as i do not contact them myself- i have spoken to my brother in law and he states as per culture and islam the guys family needs to come to the girls family to ask for her hand. I am at the point where i will not proceed unless its done here as i believe its fair he thinks that its more logical for me to travel there with my family and have the nikah in his country not only do i not wish for this but i also think its asking for more than fair share of what we both want to do.

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      The correct way is that groom and his people should come over to bride’s place for nikah.

      And Allah knows best.

  75. Bismillahirrahmanirrahiiim…

    Assalamualaikum wbt.

    I thought of filing for fasakh after months of thinking and Istikharah. I was born Muslim but didnt live my life as per shariat. Finally a hidayah given by AlMighty Allah SWT to me changed me completely. I reverted to fitrah in 2012 and got involved in Islamic programs and activities and I truly enjoyed my new life. Then I met my husband through a dakwah channel. We got married early 2013 out of Istikharah we made. Allahualam. He crossed the oceans to be with me; to marry me. I didnt know he just got divorced not even a month before he flew across the oceans. I guess he was trying to start a new life in a new coountry. He told me he was divorced for almost 2 years already. And yes I was aware that he had 2 kids with the ex wife. When i found out that he only just got divorced later on, I felt cheated. I felt bad towards the ex wife. A month after Nikah, we flew to his country to visit his family on my expenses. I wanted to meet his family and his ex wife and kids. There I discovered alot of truth. I got so disappointed, frustrated, hurt.. it took me a while to accept, to redha. He also started showing his true colors by throwing tantrums on me. He still has his tantrums till today. I dreamt of having a mukmin husband as portrayed by him initially. Who loves Allah and Rasulullah. Loves sadaqah, loves charity work. Not to say he’s opposite now. He prays. He makes dzikir. He likes Islamic programs… But the problem is that I’m supporting everything. Car, house, food, clothings, his needs & wants… And now I’m pregnant.. I’m paying for all the hospital bills, medical stuff. Even when he wants to go out with his friends, he would ask pocket money from me. He just started a new job here in my country. Alhamdulillah. But when he got his first salary last month, it was so hard for him to use his salary to pay for his expenses. He still askes money from me. I got so confused with whats going on. But I keep telling myself I must forgive and redha. That’s what I’ve been doing. We got into a big fight about it and tried to coax me by buying me a new handphone. He took my old handphone (cos phone is broken) and got me a new one and keeps saying that’s his nafkah to me. I couldnt believe my ears. HE doesnt have to pay for anything else eg. bills.. and said that his nafkah to me is that phone. He also like to raise his voice, use harsh words eg. stupid, bloody woman. He would even go to the extend of comparing me to jew or wahabi or some other things that would hurt my feelings so deeply. I’m a very soft hearted person – I cry easily just listening to Sirah or Solawat on Prophet Muhammad SAW,reading the Quran, people being abused, war. I’m just that soft. So for him to shout or raise his voice at me and use harsh words are just unacceptable. And when I cry, he would say more hurtful things. And he would push me off limit to make me fight him back when I always prefer to stay quiet and cry to myself and seek peace from Allah on my sajadah. But he could not accept that, so he pushed me off limit to get me fight him back. There were times I went ballistic, and fight back on my defence and he used that to label me as rude and he would complain to my family. But now, I decided to not go down to his level by remaining silent, yes I would cry in hurt. I’m pregnant. I get very sensitive even more. I took wudhu and sat on my sajadah and made solat (sunat) and just stayed on sajadah making doa, talking to Allah. Then my husband called me up to the bed, but I couldnt look at his face cos i was extremely hurt by his harshness. he then walked to me and pushed my shoulder many times and shouted “Hello! Hello! Hello!!!!!” in my ears. I just closed my eyes, with tears streaming down my face and Istighfar non stop. Then he started calling me “bloody woman!” Then he went out of the house. I was still crying in so much pain in my heart. I apologized to my unborn baby in my womb for having to go through this. When my husband came back, I was still on my sajadah; Istighfar. He turned off the fan in d room and let me sit in heat. I didnt stop making Doa to Allah. Finally when i felt better, I went to bed and slept.

    He said eventhough he’s not paying for the necessities or provide me home and others, he’s still a husband and I as a wife must obey him. There’s nothing that I didnt do for him. Yet, he still calls me disobedient. I believe there are 2 nafkahs he must fulfill – Zahir & Batin. He cant afford to give Zahir (expenses). Often people mistaken Batin as sex solely. But Batin is also how husband talks to wife. In my case, I feel i’m always mentally abused.

    There are so many episodes that I couldnt believe that a husband would do to a wife that I went through with my husband. I want Jannah badly and I dont want an irresponsible man to ruin that dream. I dont want to end up being a bad wife and a ruined muslimah. I’m striving to Istiqomah from my revert/hijrah. And my husband is not helping it. I love him. But I love Allah, Rasulullah SAW, my baby and myself more. I dont mind loving a mukmin husband, if he was one.

    Please, help me. I wanna file for fasakh but are my reasons valid and enough to do so?

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Allah has put the responsibility of maintaining the wife on the shoulders of husband. As per your query, your husband seems to be running away from his responsibility, which is his primary responsibility in fact. In such a case, if your husband refuse to do what he is supposed to, you have the right to ask for ‘Al-Khul’.

      And Allah knows best.

  76. Dear Brothers & Sisters,
    Please please help me with some surah’s or Salat through which I can lower down my husband’s anger andstubburnness and turn him to avoid divorce.
    We are in Nikkah and it’s been just four months..I come from a very liberal family and been practising modern and islamic life together.however my husband knewed when he proposed me that I have guy friends at work and uni and he was alright with it as he said he trusts me alot. we got married and after that he had this issue if anyone says any general comment on my fb….he use to silently react wiered but i never realised the main reason.as i thought he’s fine with it.however one day he saw one my friend who’s been my friend since last two years it’s a very decent and only friendship he knows taht am married and i have husband whom ai love alot ,it’s just he use to call some times me to look for jobs for him as am a HR manager and I help many people casually beforea s well and as he was a friend i didnot wanted him to keep struggling in his career so i use to talk to him inregards to such matters i never crossed my limits.
    however one day my husband checks my phone and sees his messages though he knwed that i have a friend and all and he never asked me to not to talk to him before and here he inteprets thoses messages and calls in a wrong way that i betrayed him…..I told him million times that it’s nothing like that and if you don’t like i will not talk to any guy….I also deleted my fb and said fine this will not happen again just to make things good and create peace in our relationship as I understand my husband is more important to me than anything.But he refused to listen to me at all and now he’s demanding divorce straight away……he says that i donot want you to change your life style …..i am an backward person so please go ahead and ask for khula……am too scared now i donot want divorce at all as i love him alot but it’s so strange that he use to love me so much and all of sudden after this incident it’s been a month he did not talked to me at all btw we are not living together as we still needed to go marriage thing as in we decided to start our married life after one year when we settle down financially….we use to see each other and talk on phone all this time….
    I am so shocked that he’s not in a state to at all listen to me……I have been reciting unlimited times Durood Tunjina ,Surah Bakra ,Yaaseen,Ya lateefu
    it’s been a month i tried so many times to approach him and tell him that please let it go and I promise I will not repeat anything he dislikes in future but does not listen to me at all and only demand for Divorce…
    Please help me…guide me with some surah which can change his mind back to loving me….I really don’t know why he’s making a big thing of it.
    I will be really obliged if anyone can guide me to fix this….
    I donot want divorce in any circumstances because he was the one who insisted nikkah and now when am emotionally involved he’s just trying to walk out on stupid reason…please do suggest some hadith which states that divorce should not be given straight away on minor things i feel it’s unfair with me when am ready to compromise and give up any thing for this relation ship.

    Thanks waiting for response

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      It is wrong on your part to indulge in gossip or talks with your office males. He is right in showing his dissent. In order to save your married life, you have to talk to your husband and convince him that he won’t see you doing so again. If required, you may even give up your profession (if it doesn’t affect your livelihood requirements). Apologize to him, put all things in front of him clearly and politely, and pray to Allah for His help. That’s all I can say.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  77. Assalamualaikum
    Dear Admin,
    Can u clarify and explain me more details about my marriage problems

    1.during my postnatal time (after delivery n still in nifas) me n my husband had a small fight then my husband divorce me via message (whatapps) he wrote
    After all this he leave me with our new born son n he return to his parents home in India without any news..he leave us with nothing ( money or any expenses) until now my son already 3 months.. My husband will not come back to take me n my son here n every time I called n tried to speak to him, his parents will not let us to talk privately..as I’m not a working women so now I have to asked my siblings favour to help me for my place to stay n expenses for my baby until I’m able to find a job..

    Please explain to me what should I do..according to Islamic law based on Al Quran n Hadith..

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Your husband’s way of divorcing is not as per Sunnah. First of all it is not clear what he means in his sms to you, as the message has contradicting statements. First he says let’s divorce and then he says that if you send any message to him then it shall be the first divorce. From this I infer that he has not divorced you yet (And Allah knows best).

      If you are not able to talk to your husband and his parents are also not allowing that to happen, then you should seek help from authorities. There should be board or Islamic institute which might be having jurisdiction over these matters. You should report the matter to authorities and seek their help in forcing your in-laws to let you and your husband talk about your problem and finalize whether he wants to give divorce or what. If he has to give divorce, he should do so in calm manner and should pronounce it from his mouth. Then he should let you observe Iddah period in Sunnah manner (i.e. along with him in his house). And even after divorce, it is duty of the father to take care of expenses of upbringing of his children. So all these things should be clarified.

      He cannot leave you like this without clarifying whether you are divorced or not. It is of utmost importance that this be clarified so that you can look ahead for your future life. If divorced, you can think of another marriage after observing the Iddah; but if you remain hanging like this, without knowing whether you are divorced or not, that is wrong.

      I pray to Allah for His help to resolve your problem. Please feel free to revert back to us for any further clarification.

      And Allah knows best.


    Asalam Alykum
    I am professionally doctor got married 12 years back at that time my age was 28 yrs & my Wife 19 yrs but now i am 41 yrs, now my wife age 32 yrs after marriage of she studded from my home 11th ,12th then she was interested to become a Doctor so send her for Higher education for MBBS form Russia in between she was coming & going to me and also we had good relationship because her education not have any issue or childern after becoming Doctor she is asking Divorce with out any reason please guide me according to quran and Hadith

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      You should ask your wife about reason for her asking the ‘Al-Khul’. She should be made aware that a woman who asks for ‘Al-Khul’ without a valid reason is termed as hypocrite by Allah’s Messenger (PBUH); a hadith in this regards is quoted in the subject article. Talk to her in detail about the subject. Inshallah all should be well.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

  79. asalama lkum i need ur help i am married since 10 months.the marige was not love i was a comperomise marige means i was a working woman and helpless i found my husband from a marrige beuru web my husband was divorced and having one child ,his ex wife tooked his son and stealed the gold n left the home his first wife was his love marige… since i go married o my husband all the in lwas was happy but as the time passed they become cruel and thye fight useless with me specially my in law se always traets her son like a baby n she says me tat ur giving him poion and making me far from him . i am an orphan grl with no wealth i hav eno body accept Allah i didnt bring any money or dowery with me or my husband dont gave me any gold . my husband is polite n sabir person ,he is also cool minded .before marige i as not knowing how to cook n clean but my momher in law trained me every thing bu she always insults me and d value me near every one she is always reading tasbeeh n giing dua to pplz but with me she is like a evil she dont wnat me to eat food or be raedy fo my husband alwasy she complains to her daughter about me n they alwyas say bad hiings to me m fade upof all the things i aways get depreesed and if she start saying some thing i will also get angery n keep shuing wat make me more regret after wen i am cold,i love my husbnd aloot coz he aceepted me with nothing and always wped my taers with love he alwyas tolrate me by my bad words .i hate my in lwas alot coz my motherin law is not happy from this marrige i dont knw wat sh ewant she always make her self inoocnet and satrt emotinal black mail .
    i need dua for my tongue tat will keep shu and paray for me that may Allah gives me saber and baby also .i dont wanna take khulla or divorce cause i dont have any one in my life accpt my hubby and loes him aloot cant live without him please send me the reply hrough email i will be awaiting

  80. Salam
    Continue as my problem before…
    I m from A country, my husband from B country, but now he work on C country. Before marriage he was promise tht we will live after 2 years, let him work alone as long as 2 years on C country. But till now o our 4 years wedding, he never do his promise. As long as 4 years wedding, we just meet every 2 years. About 2 or 2.5 month. So as long as 4 years wedding, neer live together although 1 year, just account few months use time together.
    And we have 2 babies Alhamdulillah, but every born on my A country my husband never come. Till my father died and he never ever meet face to face with my father, he never want come to my country. Money always his reason. And till i wrote now my husban nver touch our new baby cause we not meet yet. Just from video call.
    From my life and 2 little babies, he just sending about 130 $ / monthly although i know how much his salary works its more than 2000 £
    I just thanks from Allah because Allah gave babies as blessing to me and money from my husband sent.
    I marriage because of Allah so i just try keep this wedding till the end InshaAllah.
    But day by day, month by month, i know my husband have woman collega. When i knows her name, i was asking my husband who is she, but my husband said tht he dont know, maybe friend suddenly came on hiscontact list from games online, but day after tht tht woman share her pic profile which on tht pic she took pic together with my husband. Then isw my husband wtht pic then he cant answer again so he just said truth tht she is friend on his works. Then i ask tht woman who is she, whts ur relation with my husband, why not delete tht pic on profile cause its not muhrim in islam and my huband hairs touch with her hairs… then she said tht just only my husband who can order her delete tht pic. Then i request my husband for delete, he said he did requet to her already, but i dot know he lie or not… cause till now she not delete tht pic with my husband.
    From this condition, which my husband just meet with me after 2 years and meet just on 2 month and not give enough money for live, then when we live together he just could loud, scream, shouting to me, then when not live together he just only jokes by call me bad sentence, then he always did lie and cheat about his woman collega… and always refuse for live together… he just save money for the future if i asks him live together… never want come to my country for my family although my father died, my family name bad, my mother sad amd move to another city cause shame because of my husbamd habbit. When my father died, i was on B country, at tht time my husband on C country, i reqeustmy husband for let me back to my country cause my father diedbut he not letmse back, after 1 month then i can back to my country from half ticket airplane my mother paid.
    So tell me, can i stop this relation from islam law…? I read tht woman request divorce it will should not be do cause Allah will angry and tht woman go to hell… so how if husband did like tht always and always…? Wht should i do…? I did pray to Allah for give me way about my husband, but fter i did pray, i know one by one tht my husband lie and cheat me there. But i worry about the divorce. My mental and phisical tired.
    Tell me why should i do from the islam way…

    • Wa alaikum Salam sister,

      It is sad to know about your husband’s behaviour. He is not carrying out his responsibilities properly, neither as a husband nor as a father. If you have tried your best to talk to your husband and are not seeing nay improvement, then you should ask elders of your and his family to give it a final try and tlak for settlement of this problem. If that too fails, you do have right to ask for ‘Al-Khul’. But make sure that this step is taken as the last resort.

      And Allah knows best.

  81. assalamualikum,

    can I get the duwa to keep true love, strong understating between wife and husband

    jazakallahu khair

    • Wa alaikum Salam warahmatallah,

      Please refer to “DUA” section of our website where you can find recommended dua for spouses. However, you can pray to Allah in whichever language and wordings you are comfortable with and ask for His mercy and blessings in your relationship.

      And Allah knows best.

  82. As salam walaikum.
    My husband and in laws believe in black magic. My husband feels tht me and my family ( my parents) have done somethng to him. He always abuses me for ths wherein knows tht I don’t believe in black magic. Plz suggest.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      We know that magic exists, and Islam talks about it, though in negative manner. Magic is something which is prohibited in Islam; it is one of the major sins. So, you should first of all change your view about magic.

      Coming to second aspect of your question which states your husband’s annoyance about your parents and you involved in magic acts against your husband, you should first ask your husband abotu what make him feel like this. If he is able to give some explanation, you should talk to your parents about the matter. If there is something wrong done by them, you should ask them to put an end to it.

      For keeping yourself and your family safe form all these ill-things, kepe reciting last two Surahs of Qur’an (i.e. Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Nas). Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

      • Thanks for the reply, I have already discussed this with my parents and as I know thy have not and will never do this. Regarding my husband’s behavior insha Allah he shall seek the right path.

  83. As salam walaikum…
    As a wife, do a woman has a right to give an advice with islamic reference to her husband that how he can spend his money? I told my husband about some basic things about zakat and his reaction was like that I dont have any right to say anything about his money. Do i have this right or not. Please answer me with islamic reference via email.


  84. Asalam o alaikum,

    I realise that a wife should be obedient to her husband and follow his requests as far as possible. However, I have a problem in that my husband is not practicing, doesn’t believe in the relevance of the Quran for today’s age, and most importantly does not want our son to follow the religion. For example, he has forbidden our son from reading the Quran and learning Arabic until he is 12 and at an age when he can make up his own mind what he wants to follow. He also gets extremely angry if he is taken to Jumma salah by my father, and another big issue is that he insists on drinking in front of our son, and says he wants him to know that it is okay to drink in moderation. We see religion very differently, whereby he doesn’t believe in the compulsion of the basic 5 pillars – e.g. he doesn’t thiink it’s necessary to pray or fast, and that these rituals were made for ‘primitive’ people. He thinks successful people don’t let their lives be dictated by reliigion. However, he says he is a Muslim and believes in the Shahadah.
    I am at my wiit’s end. We have talked and talked, involved our parents and tried everything. He refuses to compromise. Our son is now 5, and I am afraid of the influence on him. We are now on the verge of breaking up due to this issue.
    From an Islamic perspective, what are my rights and the best course of action?
    Jaza kallah khairan

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah,

      Your husband’s approach is not correct. He is not only committing grave sins (like drinking alcohol openly, neglecting compulsory prayers deliberately etc.) but also stopping your son from following Islam.

      You have to look for your as well as your child’s future as to how it develops in view of Allah. You have the right, rather an obligation, to live your life as per Islam. And it is also your duty as a mother to upbring your child as per correct rulings of Islam.

      As you have already talked to him and tried all possible means with him and he refuses to compromize on his stance, the safest thing for you and your child is to get separated from him. Please talk to elders of both families and seek Al-Khul from such a spouse. Allah will open better options for you, Inshallah. I pray to Allah that my words are not meant for anything wrong for you and rather as a sincere advice from a brother to you. May Allah set your affairs right and help you in this matter.

      And Allah knows best.

  85. Plz someone help me I don’t want live with my husband we can’t understand each other we keep fighting every day and we have no sexuel relationship last 4 month ago and I want divorce from him can any one tell me if this possible for I can take divorce from him I have no sexuel relationship with him

    • Salam alaikum,

      It is not wise to jump to the decision of divorce so quickly. I would request you to provide some more details about the problems you are facing with your husband and vice versa in order that I may be able to advise you properly from Islamic point of view. Right now, your message seems to be an instantaneous reaction to your fight with your husband. Bear patience and write to us in detail. Allah will help you sort out your problems.

      Jazak Allah.

      • I want to ask you if husband and wife live same house but have no sexuel relationship for six months is husband and wife relationship is break if not how long after relationship is break

        • Salam alaikum,

          If husband and wife live in a same house but have no sexual relationship for six months (as you said), the marriage in such case is still valid; and the marriage doesn’t breaks because of not doing sex. However, by doing so, both the husband and wife are committing a sin by not fulfilling their responsibilites towards each other, as sexual requirements is the right of both partners. It is important to solve this problem and avoid continuation of this sin on both spouses. In order to solve this, the problem behind it should be analyzed and be treated according to what Islam says. Please feel free to write back in case you need further advice.

          And Allah knows best.

  86. salam alaikum brother ,
    Brother i need your advice , i have gambling problem and i spent some money my wife and i were saving . i really feel guilt , i want to change but my wife is really angry with me , brother what can i do . i know what i did is wrong and unacceptable , may Allah forgive and show me the right path.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah brother,

      Gambling is a sin, so stay away from it. You should make sincere Taubah to Allah and ask for His mercy and forgiveness. Talk to your wife and explain to her about your Taubah and sincerity in abandoning gambling. Make efforts to make up for the loss. Pray to Allah for His help. Inshallah all shall be well.

      May Allah set your affairs right. May Allah keep you and all of us on right path.

  87. i am a bit shy to write my problem publicly can u pllz give me an email id where i can oersonally send u my query. thanku

    • You can write to us here; no need to worry. Your problem shall not be made public, Inshallah.

      • Aoa,
        last month my nikah has happened and in May will be my marriage.The problem is that i never wanted to get married, as in never the whole life.i don’t like the marital life and the responsibilities associated with it.Actually,i have faced molestation during my childhood, not once but 3-4 times but nothing that sserious happened,probably u can say got saved everytime.well, beacause of this i really dont like boys, have always hated them. i even saw men who thought that they had the right to insult women and were only meant to be obedient to them.I really dont like men, i feel all men are lustfull. I wasnt ready for the nikah, i said yes just because of my parents, as i had no solid reason to say no.
        it is very difficult for me to fulfill the desires of my husband, i cant do all that.i hope you are getting what i am trying to say.i seriously dont like men at all.

        second question is that when my in laws had sent the proposal they indirectly told that they wanted a girl who would take care of the whole house,my husband is the only son and they have 4 daughters(one is married and other three aren’t married).they even said things which involved me taking care of the whole house n the family.i didn’t like this at all.the result of all these talks is that i have got extremely negative about the family, though i was already negative about the son.why is that people want their daughter in laws to be house maids.i have got really negative.my mother in law never stayed with her inlaws and now they want me to stay with them, is this fair??

        according to Islam what am i suppose to do,i have been in severe tension coz of all this.i am just scared with regards to my future, i dont want to upset Allah, but all this is getting difficult for me.

        • Wa alikum As Salam Warahmatallah sister,

          Marriage is a great SUnnah of our beloved Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) told us that whoever marries, has completed one half of his/her faith. So, as a Muslim, you should say that you are against getting married, because that would mean you are against a Sunnah. It is sad to know about some incidents that had bad impact on your views about males. But you should not hold all males in same category. There are good as well as bad men all around. So are women; they too can be good or bad. So let us not make it a general statement.

          Now that you have already married, even though you say you did it for the sake of your parents, but still, now you are married. Now you are a wife and your husband has right over you. So do you have right over your husband. But the rights and responsibilities are different as ordained by Allah. Do not do the mistake of equating the rights and responsibilities of both spouses; that will lead to trouble. You cannot say that you won’t be able to fulfill sexual desires of your husband. That is wrong on your part. In fact, try to develop a feeling of love and affection for your husband. Pray to Allah for help in that matter. And prepare yourself to willingly fulfill sexual requirements of your husband. It is your responsibility towards your husband and you cannot shy away from that. How cna you say that you don’t like men? Your father was a man. And had your motehr not allowe dhim to have sex with her, you wouldn’t have been born. It is natural; marriages are done for that. Allah has laid out a plan of procedures for us to follow. WHoever among us has a deviated view, shall be looked upon as stupid. Please pray to Allah in this matter and prepare yourself for your marital life.

          ALlah ahs ordained the responsibility of taking care of husband’s home on the shoulders of the wife. It is not the matter of in-laws, rather, Qur’an says so (refer to Verse No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 04). Whatever wrong your mother-in-law did doesn’t give you the right to do the same mistake. Why do we compare ourselves with wrongdoings of others? The role model for a Muslim women should be the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), Fatima (RA). Learn from her marital life. What hardships she went through. She was the daughter of Prophet (PBUH); no other woman can be compared to her. But modern day women do not take inspiration from her life, rather try to compare with lives of all other women around who live in a wrong manner.

          You should forget about others, and concentrate on your marital life ahead. Prepare yourself mentally and physically for the days ahead. Learn about what responsibilities you have to undertake as a wife, as a daughter-in-law and then as a mother, Inshallah. The process might bring some difficult stages for you to tackle; but that is life all about. Face them bravely according to Islamic rulings. respect your in-laws, earn their respect, love your husband, earn his love and affection. Insha’Allah all will be well. Allah will help you.

          And Allah knows best.

  88. after having a fight in anger if a husband say k no love or relation between us
    what islam say for this type of statement??
    kindly advice

    • Salam alaikum,

      Such statement is just a outburst of anger. It bears no significance in context of husband-wife relationship from Islamic point of view.

      And Allah knows best.

  89. Assalamualaikum wr wb.

    How are you my brothers in islam.

    My life is messed up. My parents are good but they are very hard on my wife they want my wife to be punctual and obdiant in all respect in any condition, like wake up early do all the house stuff and cooking etc. but if she lack in any then they burst out like hell on her with loads of tounts and harsh words, they even think that she do’s what she wanted to and disobey, try to saperate me from them. On the other hand my wife does complete job only if she is not ordered by her timings, she tries to make as much as possible but she lack in some critical situations. she get angry with the tounts but never reply to them instead she shouts on me use harsh disrespective words for my parents. As i cannot say anything to my parents in respect and responsibility & tries to explain her, she thinks that i m not defending her in any cercumstances. Because of which she gets hurts a lot. Now i am a messed up person in this, So, i am in need of your vital advice in the light of sunnah what i can do and what i cannot.

    Jazakallah khairan,


    • Wa alaikum As Salam warahmatallah wabarakatuhu,

      Your problem is a common one prevailing in our society nowadays. It is sad to know all this. And it gets very difficult for the man as he gets sandwiched between his parents and the wife. May Allah help you get out of this problem soon.

      The first thing you should do with a clean state of mind is that you should analyze who is wrong at which time. As a good Muslim, you should always side with the truth. If your parents are wrong, oppose them, if your wife is wrong, oppose her. Do it openly in front of each other. But make sure you do so in an honourable manner. Particularly if you feel your parents do something wrong, you should talk to them politely, explaining them that their action is wrong according to Islam. Be polite and respectful to them, come what may. Similarly you should deal with your wife. If you oppose her openly, talk to her politely and reasonably. But you have the right to be strict with your wife, but not in open. Explain your wife that she should adopt patience (Sabr), as Allah likes those who adopt patience. Tell her clearly/strictly that she should not use disrespectful words for your parents.

      Pray to Allah to solve this tricky situation. Don’t worry, majority of people go throught his mess. The best way to deal with this is to deal it the Islamic way.

      One thing should always be remembered; if both parties keep doing occassional mistakes, then the elders should be given benefit of doubt and should be respected.

      And Allah knows best.

  90. I would agree to that women that all men are despo and lustfull what ever u do to fulfill the sexual desires of husband he will not b satisfied because he is into other women’s as we’ll not physically but watching the videos or staring in real life.i don’t know where are the husbands who only want to see their wives who only care how their wives look rather then commenting on other girls I know these things are small but these things make the relation pure.i want to cover my self for my husband but what’s the use if he s into other girls as well.they are so despo that they won’t even leave an air hostess.why they are after eastern girls it’s so obvious and then on the other side they wants us to b covered how selfish.i just want a good relation where husband and wife do good things for each other.i don’t know why I have so many doubts when he’s with friends because they would b discussing girls

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      You have asked so many questions. Inshallah I will try to respond all in one go.

      Let us be very clear that everyone of us has some responsibilities and rights given to us from Allah. If some people try to exploit and take away our rights, it does not give us the authority/permission/chance to stop performing our responsibilities/duties which are ordained by Allah on us. So, if your husband does not change his attitude towards women and keeps staring at otehr women, it doesn’t mean that you should stop observing Hijab. Your husband will be punished by Allah if he commits a sin, but why do you want to be punishable just to compete with your husband in doing a sin? SO, please understand it clearly thta this act is not justified and we all should do what we are supposed to o in view of Islam, irrespective whether otehrs are doing right or not.

      Coming to the point of your husband spending more times with his friends and ignoring you or asking you to join his friends, it seems his attitude is not correct in this matter too. You deserve his time and the required privacy which every married couple deserves. But instead of makign it a hue and a cry, you should act in a mature manner and try to amend your husband’s habits. Do not get offended easily, rather keep trying to talk to him about this matter, even if takes you to tlak 100 times or even more. Try to win him with your love and affection. Do not stage a revolt at such an early stage of your married life. Start learning about Islam and explain to your husband how the things he do are wrong as per Islam. Bear patience and pray to Allah for His help. Inshallah all things shall get well.

      I am quite hopeful that if you adopt this approach and pray to Allah, your views about men and married life will change. Seek example from good men, instead of generalizing all men as lustful and all that. That language doesn’t suit an educated good Muslim.

      I pray to Allah to set your affairs right.

      Jazak Allah.

  91. Wa Salam,
    I get ur point of changing him with love but if i l try to change which I try even with love it irritates him coz he think that those men are stupid who leave their gym friends after marriage.he has has this thing that after marriage wife’s don’t let go husbands out.and he has this thing in mind that I don’t like to meet his couple friends very often.what should I do if he’s fond of friends do I need to stop or it’s ok.because if I don’t make couple plans that often heel vomit alone.he has this thing that he wants to friendship with every other person meet new ppl go on weddings for friends sake.so what I need to do?where am I wrong.?now I don’t say with love also coz he gets angry that why I am stoping hum.instead I just tried to make him understand that I’m home and obviously in our culture when ur living with In laws u can’t go every where easily.when I try to tell him that u did this thing n I felt bad he gets angry and don’t talk. It’s fine we have couple friends and we need to interact and there’s level of frankness but he doesn’t felt wrong in texting friends wife regarding their honeymoon trip.do I have the right to tell hi. If I feel bad about things.if I talk to adults about it they said every man is like that they watch videos and do bad jokes if u stop them they’ll hide from u and do more.plus he likes to in discos I’m not comfortable at all should I go with him?other thing why is that we can’t go out coz of the in laws husband has no problem in me going out.but due to inlawsu need to think a before going nu need to inform if I fulfill my duty and still my mother in law feels bad should it b my headache?now my husband make less plans with couple but he thinks it’s my fault coz of me his friendship has decreased.should I spend my life in changing him.or just leave the things as it is.im expecting now and I will have my baby soon.i think than I won’t bother much about him.i don’t get why people had made it such difficult to live our culture is weird while Islam doesnot restricts that much.the i laws have more right on u rather than ur husband I’m not saying they are rude or mean but these rivaaj and these formalities and we staying at home or thinking not to go thrice a week so mother in law doesn’t feel I go out too much.if the house is clean the work is done why I need to stay home.why we have to justify everything to to mother in law why is it so easy for men to go out on their own.thanku for telling good things I need a positive motivation.i just need to know if I compromise and act with patience wil it change anything or not.because me having and not saying anything will give him more chance.

    • Salam alaikum sister,

      You are raising so many questions at a time. But no issues, it is my duty to try and asnwer as much as possible, Inshallah.

      Statements like “why wives are begging and why we can’t have our own lives” are not good. Who says wives do not have their own lives? But are you aware what are the lives of wives or husbands prescribed in Islam? Allah ha sgiven the biggest status among all of mankind relations on this earth to the motehr. She is three places above the father. Now how come this become status comes for the women? They should realize that in order to achieve this status they should become mothers. And in order to become motehrs they should become wives. So, being a wife is the first step towards achieving the status of the best in the world.

      Being a wife is not so easy; do you expect to become the bets in the world just like that? Being a wife, you need to be patient. You not only have to bear different types of behaviours of your in-laws but also your husband’s. If you ask why you have to stay at home and ask your other-in-law before going anywhere out while the men do not have to, I will simply say that because it is a system of life given to us by Allah. Men are supposed to be bread earners of the family for which they have to be out. Their day is spent out. They don’t need permission for that because it is their repsonsibility to do so. They go out, meet people, explore avenues for earnign livelihood for their family members etc. However, the responsibility of a wife is to take care of her husband’s home, upbringing of children etc. Verse No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’ (Chapter No. 34) describes roles of wives and husbands very clearly.

      Coming to your husband’s habits of hanging around with friends, it seems that he is still in an immature state of mind. And you are the best person to bring him to right path. Adopt patience, it is not a matter of compromize, just be patient. Do not lose hope, and keep trying for the sake of your husband, for the sake of yourself, for the sake of your marital happiness and for the sake of your going to be child. Inshallah when your child comes into being, the additional bonding will surely bring about changes in your husband’s habits. That shall also be helpful to overcome your disturbing feelings, Inshallah.

      You say that you want peace in life. Insha’Allah you will get; pray to Allah for peace. I suggest you start devoting time in learning about Islam. That shall enlighten your vision and change your views about how to understand these family issues from islamic point of view. Let me know if you need any further help in this matter. Inshallah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  92. Al Salam o Alaikum,

    I seek your guidance in the light of Quran and Sunnah in keeping balance between my wife’s rights and the rights towards my other family members (my father, one elder brother and one elder sister).

    I live abroad with my wife and kids. while my other family members lives in Pakistan.

    My brother has been in business since five years but unfortunately has not been very successful in it. Sometimes he required some financial assistance during the past years and I have assisted every time by the grace of Allah SWT and my wife supported me on this.

    Now, in recent time, the house My family was living in Pakistan was rented one. We lived there for 35 years and my father loved this place. Now after 35 years we were asked to vacate the house or else buy it. Considering my father’s desire I decided to purchase so that my father and my brother with family can leave there.

    My wife has not agreed with my decision. She raises a question that I should not have bought house as this money belongs to her and her children.

    We have had series of harsh talks on this issue and it’s badly affecting our relationship.

    My wife further ask me that since we have bought house for my father and my brother, we should take minimum rent for it from my brother as he was paying before to previous owner as well, so that some money can be recovered in the Iong term. I somewhat agree with this demand but right now I want to give my brother some more time so that he can recover from his financial crisis.

    Now I would highly appreciate your guidance on my below questions specially keeping the events as I explained above.

    1. Rights of my father and my wife – Am I right in purchasing house for my father and my brother? Or I am supposed to spend money on my wife and children only?

    2. Rights of my wife towards me – how am I supposed to deal with her if she fights with me on this issue?

    3. My rights towards my wife.

    4. Any specific advice to me in dealing this situation.

    I can be contacted on below contacts for any further clarification you may need.

    I am eagerly looking forward to your guidance in the light of Quran and Sunnah.

    JazakAllah khairan

  93. Hmmm.thanku fir guiding

  94. Any Surah or hadits that explain about how should husband work together in bad and good situation. She keep comparing our life condition with others and talk about how scared she is to be poor.

    • Salam alaikum,

      You should try to talk to your wife and explain to her through this verse of Holy Qur’an: “And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you to excel others.”
      (Verse No. 32, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an).

      We should always keep in our minds that whatever has been arranged in this world is according to Allah’s Wisdom. He knows the best, He knows who is to be appointed where, and He knows what work is to be taken from whom. Allah’s Wisdom is ultimate. It is a matter of His decision that He chooses a particular person to be a Manager, and another to be a Driver, and still another to be a Tailor, and so on and so forth. This balance is created by The Almighty according to His Wisdom, necessary in order to manage the affairs of the world. Therefore, every Muslim is supposed not to wish for any such thing which he / she finds some one else possessing. We have to accept that it is from Allah that someone excels others in some way or another. May be someone is very rich, but he is having a poor health. May be someone is very poor (financially) but he has an excellent skill which makes him excel over others in that particular field. All this is according to Allah’s Will.

      Therefore, your wife should remember the above mentioned verse from Holy Qur’an whenever such a thought crosses her mind. It is of no use comparing your condition with others. They have their rizq, you have our rizq; and as per Verse No. 34 of Surah Luqman: “….No person knows what he will earn tomorrow….”. So, the rizq is appointed by Allah. She may keep praying to Allah for increasing your rizq, and leave the rest to Allah; but never be in a complaining mode with Allah. We should be thankful to Allah in whatever condition He keeps us. If at all you want to compare your condition with others, trying seeing to the people who are below your financial status; that shall give a sense of satisfaction.

      And Allah knows best.

  95. Aa Salam Alaikum

    I’m follow Islam as my religion, but there are few things which you need to clear for me.
    y it is allowed for a men to have four wives at a time? And if it is writen in QURAN there well be some reason? can you help me out with the reason???? Jazak Allah

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah sister,

      Please go through a detailed artice on this subject, titled “Polygamy; the artile is available at this website. The link to the article is : http://www.quranandhadith.com/polygamy/. Inshallah yur queries shall be answered once you go through the article carefully.

      Please feel free to ask further if any doubts persist.

      Jazak Alah.

  96. Assalamualaikum
    A month ago,after ongoing bullying from my mother in law and sister in law,with whom myself and my husband live with,caused a serious but unnecessary problem between myself and my husband.they said awful untrue things about me,to my husband(because they were not happy that he was happy with me.n wen I said what was true how my sister in law n mother in law treated me, my husband disagreed.
    My husband has a very bad temper and reacts to his mum and sister’s comments and emotional blackmail.On this occasion he messaged me that “now there is no relationship between me n him”
    I just want to know is this what is known as “talaq e kaNiya”. And now my husband wants to take me back home .i want to know d ruling regarding this.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      If your husband is a sane person, and has sent you the message of divorce in all seriousness, then it shall be considered as a divorce. However, if he has done so under compulsion (from his other family members, like you mentioned about his mother and sister), then such a divorce is not valid. Only your husband knows whether he did so in all his seriousness or under compulsion; so he should act accordingly.

      Considering that he is sane and done this in all his seriousness, then it shall be counted as a divorce; there is a course of action to be followed in this. You should spend your Iddah period (i.e. three menstrual cycles) in your husband’s place, along with him. If during this Iddah period, sexual relation takes place between you two, you are automatically back as his wife; still the first divorce will be counted. In such a case, you shall announce it openly and make two male witnesses that your first divorce is over and you are back as his wife. No other ritual shall be required for you to come back to him as his wife.

      But if your Iddah period passes and you guys do not have any sexual relation during that period, then you should leave your husband’s place in an honourable manner. Now if he wants you back as his wife, he should re-marry you (i.e. marry you again); all requirements of a marriage shall be followed in this case. You shall have the choice of saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to his proposal in this case.

      In either case, first divorce shall be counted.

      And Allah knows best.

  97. dear brother i really need your help….
    my story is a little awkward but i really need true guidance….
    i used to chat with a girl, during the time passes we fell in love and started thinking of our lives together….
    but after sometime her family conditions changes, her mother got ill and she was blackmailed, married to her cousin which she does not want. 15 minutes after nikah her mother got dead. She was in a bad state of mind. i took a back step of knowing her marital status but she was still in love with me and made a suicide attempt but survived (Thanks to ALLAH)
    she is married from 3 months, told her husband about me, and doesn’t want to continue her relationship with her husband. She wants divorce but her husband is not willing to give. She is thinking for Khula now. She still doesn’t share her bed with her husband. She is all doing this because she is still in love with me. Inside i am ready to make nikah with her after she is separated from him but i am confused whether her divorce will be valid or whatever the steps she is taking, what will e their validity according to Islam ???
    I really need your guidance in this manner.

    • Salam alaikum,

      First of all, if she didn’t want to marry her cousin, she should not have agreed to the marriage proposal and said ‘No’, because without consent from the girl the marriage cannot take place; and if such marriage takes place, it is not valid. So, the first thing to be clarified is whether she was forced into marriage or did she gave her consent for the marriage.

      If she gave her consent for the marriage (remember that a virgin girl’s silence is considered her ‘Yes’ for marriage), then that means she is legally married to someone. In this case she should abide by the rulings of marriage and should give all the rights of her husband. If she doesn’t share bed with her husband, she is committing wrong/sin. In such a case she cannot ask for ‘Al-Khul’ because that won’t be a valid reason for asking for a divorce. If she asks for ‘Al-Khul’ without a valid reason, than as per Islamic rulings, she shall be categorized as a hypocrite and shall be facing severe consequences of ending up in ‘Hell-Fire’ (refer to the relevant hadith quoted in subject article). You should distance away from her now, and she should make up her mind for fulfilling her responsibilties of a good wife in all aspects.

      So, act accordingly.

      Feel free to write back if you wish to seek any further advice in this matter.

      And Allah knows best.

  98. Salam
    I was quite well in previous days but all if suden im havjbg doubts again.i had my husbands ph there were pictures of such vulgaruty and videos also.he has joined groups of frnd on watsap n they share these thungs I canot tokerate this.the ither thing I read his messages on facebook theres a girl who is secind czin I think.he has conversated with her about clothes that he is selling but other tgan that the girl asked whens ur mini version comjng n he replied n quite franknes the way he talks to me I dint like it kaam sy kaam rakhna chye whats the use of this silly franknes. Im pregnsnt and now im very lazy and dull I try ti stay active so he doesnit get distracted

    • Wa alaikum As Salam,

      You should clearly tell your husband that his indulgence in such acts is not correct from Islamic viewpoint. You even have the right to tell this to your husband’s lady friends. If required, you can take up this matter with elder members of you husband’s family.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  99. If I complain it will ruin evertthing he will hide thubgs from me plus hr will get angry.he knows I dont like these videos but he still forward it to his friends because he dosnt feel anything wrong.i dont jnow how to tackle becauae there is nothing wrong for them.i feel my efforts are use less if he stil wants to the shugal with friends.so I have right to complain? He also sent me at my mothers place because he wanted his freinds to stay over.there is no use of taking to elders aa they will say al men are like that .nd im scared to vomplain my husband because he thinks im taking rubish

    • Salam alaikum,

      In such a case, keep praying to Allah for His help. Inshallah all shall be OK.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

  100. asalualokum
    I wrote u a year bbbak
    my hisband is v religious he w akeuip in tahajud thn zikr thn go to mosques for fajar thn wen he bak he receites quran thn aftr tht ishraq thn chastmoulvi comes he read quran ..thn sleeps for an hour n goto ofice comes at magrib n rushes fto comes aftr isha at home lTe as he stay sumtime aaftr isha too in mosq.ue
    he is vvv tored at nite dun hve time for me

    day n n nor give time to children tarbiah..reciting tasbeeh wen in car qith me .if o ask we had a fight ..as I aak to giv me time ..to talk to love ….we fight n ..no result ..am I sinful ..as I ask not to do so much ….balance .but he xun underatand..n evn wen sumtimes woth me
    .he doesnt show much intrest ..m.v upset..he killsmy right n do a lot of …ibadah..plz guide me .

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      What you are telling me about your husband’s routine shows that he is transressing the limits of Ibadah; he is also guilty of not fulfilling his obligations as a husband towards you and as a father towards his children.

      You should talk to your husband about this, as this is not a simple matter. Take a print-out of the subject article; show your husband what are your rights and his responsibilties, as a wife and husband respectively, as ordained by Allah. If required, take this matter to your family elders (his as well as yours). He should be made to realize that what he is doing is wrong, what he is doing is against Islam. All elders of the family should join hands to sort this matter. Pray to Allah for His help. That is the best you can do.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

  101. Assalaam walaikum,

    My mom and My wife doest not like each other for their behaviours. My wife does not want to stay together under oneroof she says she want to live in a privacy in other house since i have two younger brothers of age near 20 to 25 and my mom says that we are not allowed to go in other house but what i think is it would be better if stay in different houses so that i dont fight with eachother like this again and again which make me ashamed in front of my neighbours and family I will take care of my mom and my wife as much as possible . please advice what should i do as per Quran and Sunnah with reference.

    • Wa alaikum A Salam Warahmatallah,

      It just another sad story that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not go well together; it shows the sorry state of affairs our Ummah is in at present.

      There is no harm in having a separate house for your family, but remember following things:

      1. If you wish to move to a separate house just because your wife does not want to live with your mother, then it will be wrong on your part. You cannot choose your wife over your mother, this amounts to sin. In such a case, you should make it clear to your wife and deal with her strongly.

      2. If you wish to move to another house because you want to maintain privacy and Hijab requirements of your wife due to presence of your other two adult brothers, then it is a valid reason. Then there is no harm in doing so, and no one should object to it. You should explain this to your mother in light of Islamic teachings that it is mandatory to observe and respect Hijab requirements of your wife and maintain a distance between her and your other adult brothers.

      Act according to your honest intentions, keeping in view the two cases explained above, In either case, you cannot avoid the responsibility of taking care of needs and requirements of your mother (and even brothers if they are not yet standing on their own).

      May Allah help you in making correct decision.

      And Allah knows best.

  102. Assalam O Aleikum

    After marriage, whose rights are greater being a husband over wife or Mother and Siblings? In case, father is deceased, sibling are younger (all studying), adult except one, and have no other source of income. Even husband is not very well-off. Wife proposes to save money for the sake of buying some place to live instead of spending on husband’s siblings. Which responsibility supersedes wife’s or supporting siblings?
    Please guidance what Sharia says in this regard.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Every relation has its own rights; but yes, rights of a mother are far superior than any other relationship.

      You wife should be cooperative with your family; instead of saving money to buy a separate house, she should be supportive of your siblings as they are need of financial support from your end, you being their elder brother and bread earner of the family.

      This is a big problem with modern families; they consider their husband/wife and children as their families; sadly, parents and siblings (in need of support) are now not looked as a part of family. This is one of the reasons of downfall of Muslims in society.

      Islam gives biggest rights to the mother; wife or even children cannot supercede the rights of a mother. Therefore, you should be dutiful towards your mother. If you wife tries to hinder/influence your duty towards your mother, you should deal with your wife strictly, even if it needs disciplining her.

      May Allah guide all of us to right path.

      And Allah knows best.

  103. Salamu’alaikum

    I hope you can give me advice, as a brother Muslim.
    Me and my wife had married for 2 years. I understand, that I have never need as a good Muslim husband. Keep drinking alcohol, even I know it was a sin…same goes to my wife (sometimes she reminded me or us to stay a way from sin). That time I wasn’t closed at all to Allah, always complaining how rude my wife towards me. Almost given up on her and run to alcohol.
    Thing get worst as we feel like life is not good in the country we stay. There was an opportunity, where we can moved to overseas and a hope to have better life.
    As she get a job first, she moved and follow by me in a short while.
    But the plan get bad, she turned to arogan as I ask her to comeback since there are no hope I can follow her in near future.
    Long story become short. She had deported because of some problem (Allah answer my dua).
    I felt, inside my heart that she let other guy to touch her, while I’m not around. And it was the fact, her good friends explain everything follow by her word soon as she back in the country.
    I have talk to good friends and eldest, and they suggest me to forgive her and save the married for Jannah. Bring her back to right path, Allah SWT.
    At first, all arogan and anger is towards me from her. As I’m the reason she did her sin.
    It wasn’t only one guy (btw). Cleared by photos and messages that I saw recently.
    She has changed so much recently, cover up herself as a muslimah, read Qur’an and pray. Alhamdulillah.
    Please advice me what should I do, as she kept some photos and messages in secret (Alhamdulillah too, I found them).
    I asked forgiveness to Allah, but the anger, hurt feeling and fail to trust her. Please advice me…

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Your message is not that clarified. However, whatever I could make of from your message, here is the response fo you:

      1. As you have stopped drinking alcohol, make sincere Taubah to Allah and never touch it (alcohol) again. Allah is Most Forgiving. Pray to Him for forgiveness. inshallah all shall be well.

      2. If your wife had committed something wrong, do not make her sins public, for if that gets public, she will be liable to get punishment prescribed in Islam. Before making any claim about character of a woman, you should ensure that you have proper evidence against her, or at least four witnesses; if not, do not put any blame on her, as it would amount to a big sin. As you said that your wife is now a very changed person, sticking to Islamic rulings, it is good to know that. If you have any complains about her, you should talk to her for further improvement and forgive her as much as you can. Inshallah all shall be OK between you two.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

  104. Can I have ur email id so that I can tell my issue.. pls

  105. assalamu alaikum wa rehmatullahi

    i have 2 wives. we all live together

    my question is can i make love to both at once???

    and another question is that i dont want to be physicall with one wife so can i restrict making love to just one??

    is it a sin???

    please guide…

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      No, it is not permissible to make love to both your wives at the same time. This would amount to violation of Haya requirements. Please abstain from any such un-Islamic act.

      If you have two wives, you have to deal with both of them justly. Physical satisfaction is an important aspect of husband-wife relationship; it is not the right of husband alone, rather wife too has right for that. Therefore, you cannot deprive any of your wives from this right. Islam doesn’t allow this.

      And Allah knows best.

  106. Can u please reply to my quiery?? i have been waiting from 24 hours

    • Salam alaikum,

      Your query has been responded already.

      Please bear patience in future with regards to response to your query, because sometimes it takes even few days to respond.

      Jazak Allah

  107. assalamu alaikum

    I am writing this with lots of worries in my heart pls give me an advice.Due some talkings between my father- in- law and my father,my husband is not allowing to me to meet with my parents and sister,it have been two months that i had met.my husband is saying that if i have to meet them i need to divorce him.i cannot think alife without him.i have a girl old two years.what shall i do/??plsgive me a reply

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Your husband is wrong in stopping you from meeting your parents and sister; it is your right from Allah, and your husband cannot take it away.

      Talk to him about this matter; explain to him about this that he will end up doing sin by stopping you from meeting your parents and kins. If required, involve senior members of your as well as his family to sort this matter. Pray to Allah for help. After all this, leave the matter up to Allah. Inshallah He will take care of the things.

      And Allah knows best.

      May Allah set your affairs right!

  108. Bro Nurudeen AbdulQuadri

    salam alaekum,
    Aliamdulilah for the wonderful piece. Jazakum khayran. i am from a vilage in Nigeria where many people lack access to internet. Please sir, permit me to print it and distribute to young couples around here to read and start implementing all what is here. I will be happy if my permission is granted.

    Ma salam

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      All praise is for Allah alone. Yes, sure you may take printouts of the article and distribute these to as many people as possible. You don’t have to ask for any permission for this good deed. May Allah reward you for your good intentions.

      Remember us in your prayers.

      Jazak Allah.

  109. Mallam Abdulquadri

    Salam alaekum,

    Jazakum lahu khayran for the wonderful piece, may Allah set all our affairs right. ameen. I am from a location in Nigeria where not everybody has access to internet and i want to hare this piece with them all. Kindly, permit me to print it and distribute it to them. I will gladly appreciate.

    Ma salam

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      All praise is for Allah alone. Yes, sure you may take printouts of the article and distribute these to as many people as possible. You don’t have to ask for any permission for this good deed. May Allah reward you for your good intentions.

      Remember us in your prayers.

      Jazak Allah.

  110. i had a fight with my wife..she had a friendship with a non muslim which i disapproved but she continued..now she went to stay seperately with my two kids…..she neva gives me any explanation…she always tells me that i wont understand.

    what to do ?

    but ii want her back in my life as she is my whole world..and living without her will be hard

    • Salam alaikum,

      Is the Non-Muslim friend of your wife a male? If that is the case, then you and your wife should know, that a woman is not allowed to make such friendships with any other non-mahram male, be he a Muslim or a Non-Muslim. Same goes for a man; he cannot make such friendhsips with any Non-Mahram woman, be she a Muslim or a Non-Muslim.

      If your wife wants to continue with her friendship with her Non-Muslim male, and ready to get separated from you, then she is calling Allah’s wrath on her. Try to explain her from islamic point of view. I hope she understands. Be a little strict in this matter. Do not emotions take over your decision making.

      If the Non-Muslim friend you described a female, then teh matter is different. To understand rulings about friendships with Non-Muslims (same gender), please refer to anotehr detailed article, titled “How (are Muslims ought) to deal with Non-Muslims?”. The article is available on our website. Inshallah that should be helpful.

      In any case, your wife asking to stay separate from you because of your objection on her friendship is absolutely wrong on her part. She should respect your decision in such matters. This is not such a big matter where she goes for a separation. She might be having some other reasons for that; please discuss and find out for yourself.

      And Allah knows best.

  111. salam…i really love mmy husband but from a few months i am feeling attraction towards one of my husband’s friend…i know it is sin to do so and i really try hard to avoid these thoughts and also avoid the occation where there’s any chance of xseeing him…i want to remain loyal to my husband but that persons thoughts keep disturbing me…..i am happy with my life but this incident has disturbed me from inwards …my husband doesn’t know or noticed any change in me bcz i still love him as i loved him before…..but i feel really guilty on this act of mines..plz help me and advice me..plz

    • Wa alaikum As-Salam Warahmatallah,

      Response to your query has been sent to your email id. In case you didn’t receive it, please write back to us.

      Jazak Allah.

  112. Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    AssalamuAlaikum Admin ,

    I am confused to tell anyone, I finally decided to confide to admin Quran and hadith.
    I married my husband almost 15 years.I really love my husband as well as my husband loves me too.Now we have 2 childrens.but after our 2nd child was born My husband knows facebook, whatsapp, Gmail chat and others.
    He is a navy, sometimes when he sailed usually he chat By internet,whatsapp,viber ,etc with other womens who he knew through the internet or directly.or if he was at home with me, he likes to chat with the girls in the middle of the night or when I’m asleep because Maybe I will see his chat.Sometimes I got his chatting message to other womens.that its contents sometimes seduce a woman or said beautiful woman or said nice nice words, for example, I missed you or you are beautiful.so she became like with my husband and continued to do relation even by internet or others.
    My husband even made ​​a new fb account so I could not see his chat anymore or sometimes he lock his computer or mobile phone for me.he tried to keep secret from me.because I minded if my husband loves me, why did he chat with the womens, and sometimes he promises to meet outside.so now sometimes I wonder if he’s out on his own, I’m afraid he’s going to meet with the women.because he had previously did it before even I really believe him though but his spoil my belief to him.
    I always argue about this to my husband, why are you doing this.if you love me why you do this.But he always said it was just a joke, I’m not going to do things that will destroy my marriage and family,My family is no one in this world.
    My question is :
    1.what the Hadith in Islam for husband who likes to chat and said sweet words with another womans and tried to hide from me ?
    2.What do I do if my husband being so? I always pray to god that my husband could be moved to not do this again.I really love my husband too much earlier and now.

    Allah Hafiz

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      Allah says in Verse No. 5 of Surah Al-Ma’idah (Chapter No. 5 of Qur’an): “…..(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (i.e. Jews & Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends…..”

      This verse tells us that Allah forbids us to take women as girl-friends. Therefore, your husbands act is not correct.

      You should talk to your husband and explain to him this verse of Qur’an. If he insists on his wrongdoing, take the matter up with elders of his/her family. Pray to Allah for help.

      Inshallah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  113. Assalamu Alaikum… its been five years me and my husband got married. he used to study in uk he moved to usa its been 3 years now. we loved each other very much. we have a 2 year old baby. suddenly after my inlaws came to visit us my husband behavior changed towers me. he start coming late from work, he didn’t like speaking to me nor giving me anytime. he wanted to stay in separate room instead of staying with me and my baby. when I tried asking him what’s the problem is he goes I don’t want to talk about it. so i waited coz i thought maybe because his parents came he is acting different. but even after they left he would come late from work and still didn’t want to spend time with me nor speak to me at all. he would always be busy on phone on computer.
    later he said he didn’t had the same feelings for me anymore he hates me. he doesn’t like me anymore. so I told him if i made any mistake please forgive me. he start telling me be american, try to earn your own money, he wouldn’t give me money for anything. one day i asked him that i was going to doc and needed some money he refused to give me anything, but when he needed money I would give the money from my savings & thats the only time he would speak nicely otherwise he would always act rude with me and insult my family member and me. i still continued to stay with him and later found out he was having an affair at his work, and he also agreed that he was having an affair. they were exchanging gift with each other. i told him I would forgive you and lets start all over as we have a baby, and the baby need both of us. he said no he doesn’t want to be with me.
    I left the home staying with my parents now for few months now. my husband come and take my baby for hour or two everyday. even now when i ask him that what he wants to do he goes he needs time. he doesn’t want to give me divorce he said if you want divorce you give it, nor does he wants to stay with me. He doesn’t fulfill any duties toward me as a husband. I don’t know what should I do if you can give me some advice.

    there’s some family member who tried speaking to him to get back but still didn’t work. what they had say is this marriage was planned out to come to usa. I don’t know what to believe or what to do.

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah sister,

      Your husband is doing wrong by not fulfilling the responsibilities of a husband. It is his responsibility to provide you money for expenses; it is his duty to earn livelihood fo you; it is his duty to provide you physical satisfaction. But it seems he is not fulfilling any of these. Further, he is committing wrongdoing of having an extramarital affair. I pray to Allah that he sets your affairs right and helps you in your problem. You should act in following way according to rulings of Islam:

      1. Do not do any thing wrong on your part.
      2. Members of both family should join togetehr to talk to your husband to settle this matter. It can’t be that he will leave you like this and even refuse to divorce you. His sayign that you divorce him is not correct, because women do not divorce their husbands in Islam. They can seek Khul from their husbands. In your situation, if all talks fail, then ask your elders to request your husband for Al-Khul. And he should respectfully do that, as he has no right to destroy the life of a woman like this.
      3. In case Al-Khul take splace, the child, as you told is only 2 years old, should stay with mother; and the father should be responsible for bearing expenses of the child’s upbringing.
      4. If you husband refuse to give Al-Khul, you can approach a Qazi of that locality with a petition of separation. He can listen to your case ind etail and can declare Al-Khul if you husband insists on his unreasonable stance.
      5. Pray to Allah with a sincere Niyyah for His help. Inshallah all will be OK.

      May Allah sort your matters. May Allah help you.

      And Allah knows best.

  114. AssalamuAlaikum Admin ,

    Had post my question 3 times ,but no any answer from admin.
    I am confused to tell anyone, I finally decided to confide to admin Quran and hadith.
    I married my husband almost 15 years.I really love my husband as well as my husband loves me too.Now we have 2 childrens.but after our 2nd child was born My husband knows facebook, whatsapp, Gmail chat and others.
    He is a navy, sometimes when he sailed usually he chat By internet,whatsapp,viber ,etc with other womens who he knew through the internet or directly.or if he was at home with me, he likes to chat with the girls in the middle of the night or when I’m asleep because Maybe I will see his chat.Sometimes I got his chatting message to other womens.that its contents sometimes seduce a woman or said beautiful woman or said nice nice words, for example, I missed you or you are beautiful.so she became like with my husband and continued to do relation even by internet or others.
    My husband even made ​​a new fb account so I could not see his chat anymore or sometimes he lock his computer or mobile phone for me.he tried to keep secret from me.because I minded if my husband loves me, why did he chat with the womens, and sometimes he promises to meet outside.so now sometimes I wonder if he’s out on his own, I’m afraid he’s going to meet with the women.because he had previously did it before even I really believe him though but his spoil my belief to him.
    I always argue about this to my husband, why are you doing this.if you love me why you do this.But he always said it was just a joke, I’m not going to do things that will destroy my marriage and family,My family is no one in this world.
    My question is :
    1.what the Hadith in Islam for husband who likes to chat and said sweet words with another womans and tried to hide from me ?
    2.What do I do if my husband being so? I always pray to god that my husband could be moved to not do this again.I really love my husband too much earlier and now.

    Allah Hafiz

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah sister,

      Response to your query had been given 3 days back (on 16 July 2014). Please see the copy of our response to you which is being pasted below for your reference. You might have missed it in your mailbox.

      Submitted on 2014/07/16 at 1:39 pm | In reply to Irma zul.
      Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      Allah says in Verse No. 5 of Surah Al-Ma’idah (Chapter No. 5 of Qur’an): “…..(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (i.e. Jews & Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends…..”

      This verse tells us that Allah forbids us to take women as girl-friends. Therefore, your husbands act is not correct.

      You should talk to your husband and explain to him this verse of Qur’an. If he insists on his wrongdoing, take the matter up with elders of his/her family. Pray to Allah for help.

      Inshallah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  115. My wife comes to fight when I help my family. After sometime I stopped helping family much or sometime behaved indifferently or lied with family to avoid fight with wife for almost 3 yrs. I never told family that though i disliked doing this i never told its her thought. My name slowly got spoilt. Once I realized this I disclosed to my family that because of my wife I did this. Is it wrong on my part to have revealed her secrets to save my image

    • Salam alaikum,

      As per your query, you have done many wrong things:

      1. You have chosen your wife over your parents (assuming that they are part of your family which you are talking about). This is not only a mistake, but a sin.
      2. You stopped taking care of your family (including parents) to please your wife, thereby not fulfilling your responsibilities towards them.
      3. You are worried about revealing wife’s secrets in front of others, instead of dealing with your wife’s wrong attitude strictly.

      Please remember that wife is not the only relation and responsibility of a man. His parents, his younger siblings and others are also having rights which he should respect, which he cannot avoid. The wife has no right to decide whom his husband will support and whom he shall not.

      You should deal with your wife strictly. If she insists on her wrongdoings, refer to Aayah No. 34 of Surah An-Nisa’, where Allah has clarified the roles and responsibilities of husband-wife, and He has stated what should a husband do when his wife behaves in such a wrong manner.

      Please act correctly and in a balanced manner.

      And Allah knows best.

  116. I got marry at the age of 20 year old. After our married I got pregnant after 3 month of wedding, my husband travelled out of the country since I got pregnant until I gave birth which he only spend 2 month with us and travelled back. He came back after 2 year, and stays up to 3month and travelled back again. He spend another 1 year before I came back along that year I get pregnant again and doctor advice he to stay with me for 6 month before he travelled any ways. He stayed for 6month and travelled back which I am just 25 year old then. Since I got married with him we never stayed for 1 year together .since he travelled when I am 25year old till now that I am 36 year old he never return, we can only talk on phone sometimes but not every times, if I asked him with time he will come back home he ignore me, I told him I will go and meet him in the country he is, he told me if I come there we are going to divorce. Now I am going out with another man for 2 years now and I really in love with that man now and he want to marry me. Please what can I do?

    • Salam alaikum,

      It seems that your husband’s behaviour is not correct towards you. He i not fulfilling his responsibilities towards yo by keeping you away for so many years. However, your husband’s wrongdoing doesn’t mean that you should also start doing wrong deeds. Your act of seeing and going out with another man is totally against Islam, and you should stop that immediately. Make sincere Taubah to Allah for the mistake you have done, and shun this completely.

      The solution should be searched in Islamic teachings, not in teachings of Shaitan. If your husband does not want to be with you and you are staying away from him for so many years, then it is better to legalize your separation through a divorce. Request him for Al-Khul. Observe Iddah as specified. After that you have the right to marry another man.

      Please ensure that you follow the ruling of Islam correctly. Otherwise you end up doing sin.

      May Allah set your affairs right.

      And Allah knows best.

  117. i had posted the question but didnot get my answer kindly reply

    My husband had stopped talking to me after having a harsh argument regarding the matter that he wants me to stay away from my relatives. he is of the habbit to poke me for certain matters which if he says with love i would never do but he always gets harsh for the things to be implemented and sometimes started abusing me and even my mother. and whenever i use to complain he is of the view be an Islamic wife and bow your head infront of me you have no right to say no to my orders and just obey them because its the signof Islamic wife.
    is he right in his view? what should i do?? Kindly respond me through email for my this problem
    JazakalAllah Khair

  118. Assalam-o-alaikum!
    I want to know which address can I send my email on as I want to discuss my problen confidentially. I am in need of help and counselling.
    Thanking you in anticipation.

  119. dear Admin,


    1.what is the hadith whether a husband who bully his wife and said a rude word ? its right or not in front Allah Subhana Wataala ?
    2.is justified in Islam if I complain to my husband about what it does not good ?

    Allah hafiz.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      All your queries are already clarified in detail in the subject article titled “Husband-Wife relationship” which is available on our site. You are requested to go through the article thoroughly and carefully; Insha’Allah all your queries shall be answered.

      Jazak Allah.

  120. Assalamu alaikum

    I’d like to reach you via email or by phone please. I have a serious matter that I’d like to discuss with you and get your advice on. Please. please, this is an urgent matter. Jazaku allahu khairun.

  121. AssalamoAlaikum Wa Rahmatullah he wa Barakatohu
    Dear Admin
    I have been frequently using your phrases by copying and pasting since many months. I feel it’s ethically wrong. Please excuse my ex post facto mistake and if possible allow me for future. Other wise pardon me for the past and I will never do it again.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah Wabarakatuhu,

      All knowledge is from Allah. It is duty of all of us to spread the word of truth. Therefore, you should not feel guilty of copying the matter of truth from our website for any noble deed.

      Jazak Allah.

  122. Salaam o alaikom.
    One year ago i married to a Russian woman she accepted Islam but the always find find reasons in qurran about Muslim marriages and Muslim society she very rude and arrogant to me now many times the naked for divorce but i have fears in heart that divorce is prohibited by prophet Muhammad pbuh what also ache demanding money to provide food etc to her as everything she known about me that i recently finished my study and searching for work.
    What should i do..?

    • Wa alikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      It is difficult to comment and advise you based on few lines of your descripton of your problem. Kindly be more specific in your query so as to enable us respond in a better manner.

      Jazak Allah.

  123. As Salam

    My husband and I have very good relation. He loves me very much and so do I. Recently my elder sister said that I behave differently when my husband is around and our affection causes uncomfortable situation for others. For last two months my husband and I are living apart for the sake of job. During this time my mother got ill and we had to take her to a foreign country for treatment. My husband came all the way to accompany me. During the flight I asked for my mother’s permission to go and sit beside my husband. My husband said I can rest on his shoulders and so I rested. My mother told this to my elder sister that she was hurt because I shamelessly went to my husband and rested on his shoulders. So my elder sister treated me badly during the whole course of treatment in that foreign country. Later when I asked her why she treated us so badly she said that because my mother was hurt she treated me badly and this is the same reason my younger sister also is uncomfortable whenever I go to my mother’s house with my husband.
    I am very hurt about the whole situation because I dont think I do anything different in front of my husband or do anything which can make them uncomfortable apart from that we call each other in a different name for example darling in front of others. Now I am very confused. I cannot discuss it with my husband neither can I ignore my mother and sisters. Please advise what to do.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      I am not aware of what actions you and your husband do in front of others that make them feel uncomfortable. But as you said that you use cozy words like darling etc. for each other in front of others, then I should say that you should restrain from this. It is very goodthat you and your husband share a very affectionate relationship, but that doesn’t mean that ou should display your affection publicly. You should observe modesty and leave the passions between you and your spouse for your private time.

      I hope this clarifies your doubts, and you act accordingly. This shall sort out your problems Insha’Allah.

      And Allah knows best.

  124. Asak i am waiting for ur reply u dint reply me…

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Please elaborate which query are you asking about. No query from your email id can be seen in our messages list as of now. If possible, do re-send your query.

      Jazak Allah

      • I ii messaged u regarding me going to to india and my huaband doeabt want me to go .

        • Salam alaikum,

          We didn’t receive any such query from your end; kindly send your detailed query again.

          Please provide details where you live as of now, why you want to go to India, for how many days you want to go, with whom you will be going, and then what reason is your husband giving for not allowing you to go there. Then only your query can be answered properly.

          Apologies for any hassles caused to you.

          Jazak Allah.

  125. Dear Brother Salams,

    I have read so many quotes and hadiths and lectures on how should women obey her husband and what faults or traits women should not have to disobey her husband and also lots of punishments what Allah give to her if she disobeys her husband but I did not find anywhere that what punishment is for Husband (Man) in islam if he divorces her wife on very small things despite the wife tries all sorts of humble,sweet positive and loving attitude towards him to rebuild marriage but husband remains unkind to wife hurts her emotionally and makes her feel that all her efforts to make up in marriage were useless…Question is Is it justified in eyes of Allah that Husband does not forgive wife after her many times of apologising and all efforts to rebuild their relationship. Is is fair in eyes of Allah divorcing wife on very minor reasons or misunderstandings or on the basis of doubt without nay evidence? Is a wife’s future so insecure that any man can marry her and on the basis of his personal or emotional insecurities he can divorce her and get married to someone else is this behaviour justified or accepted by Allah? Is there any punishment for Husband ( man) in Islam or in the eyes of Allah? I would like to know that for my peace of mind, as all my efforts,my love and my tears are been happily ignored by my husband after one year of marriage. we lived happy four months rest 8 months i kept making up to him. I have been soft spoken to him ,patiently bared his temper tried to explain him my situation.Did not do what he disapproves ones, showed him affection and love but everytime he he never appreciated me and rejected me with harsh words and stopped talking to me ,ignored me for months…Now I have left eveything on Allah.I pray every day for my happy life but Allah know’s best. All I want to know is will he be still good in front of Allah’s eyes because he’s a man or no?
    Please do answer my question for my peace of mind

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      It is a wrong understanding that Allah has made rules for a woman only. There are rules for men also which they ought to follow and respect. Allah declares injustice as one of the biggest wrongdoing. And treating wife badly is one type of injustice towards the wife. The husband will be held accountable for his wrong behavior with his wife. If there is no punishment prescribed for such a husband in this world, that makes it all the more dangerous for husbands, because, if there is a prescribed punishment for a sin and the person who commits that sin is given that punishment in this world, that serves as atonement/expiation of that sin. But if there is no such punishment in this world, then such a husband will receive the punishment of his injustice towards his wife in the Hereafter. That is even more scary.

      Allah wants both men and women to perform the duties ordained on them by Him. You being a woman, should keep on doing your responsibilities, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister etc. Do not do anything wrong on your part. Similarly, your husband should perform his duties. If he is not performing well, Allah will catch him. Just leave everything to Allah and adopt patience. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      Feel free to write back if any doubt remains.

      May Allah help you.

      And Allah knows best.

  126. Asalam U Alikum
    I got married in the month of October 2013, My wife left her home and went to her mother without my permission as i was not available there at that time. This had happened on 1st of April 2014 and after that her family informed me that she will not come back. Now from last one month she is demanding me divorce, but i am not ready to leave her as i love her very much.
    Please suggest me what should i do in this situation as i dont want leave her and she needs divorce….

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      You should talk to your wife and her family asking them why she wants divorce (Al-Khul) from you? Explain your stance and views about your wife to them. Consult your local Mufti/Qazi to interfere. Inshallah, all should be settled according to Islamic rulings.

      Jazak Allah.

      • Salam alakum!

        I’m a woman and have been married for four months, it just became four months couple days ago, and I haven’t had sex with my husband because I’m scared too, when he gets close to me I turn yellow and shake! After my wedding my physique changed I got many pimples, became super skinny and became scared of everything, I keep asking around and some said it’s evil eyes, some said someone might’ve cast a spell on me, I really don’t know what to do anymore, all I do now is ask my husband to leave me Cus I’m afraid this will last and will have a effect on us, please do you know what will help me? !

        • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

          Instead of asking your husband to leave you and depriving him of his marital right of physical intimacy from you, you should instead consult a doctor for your problem. Try to develop a strong will. You should not be afraid of physical relation between you and husband as it is the right of both of you. Further, it is not a wrong thing, rather a natural and a Sunnah act.

          If you have doubts about casting of evil, recite last two Surahs of Qur’an regularly. Before going to bed at night, recite the two Surahs and blow it all over your body. Pray to Allah for help. Inshallah all will be well.

          And Allah knows best.

  127. Assalam walekum

    I really thank full to Allah got giving a lobely husband n cute boy. I just want to ask that what will be happening to husband n wife relation after death of anyone?, anyone of them if died then person who died he or she will..see their spouse after death or not?,and can know each other after kayamat or know each other at the medan-e-hasr?

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Please allow us to prepare a detailed article on this subject. Keep a close watch on our site for the same. Insha’Allah we shall publish it in due course of time.

      If you want, your email id can be added to our mailing list so that you receive updates about new articles in your email inbox.

      Jazak Allah.

  128. I have been married since december 31 2013 after my long 8years of affair with my husband. My mother-in-law is two-faced. She behaves well with me in front , but talks behind my back. My husband lives in his work place in a bungalow.. But I live with my in-laws. Hardly I get my husband. I cry all the time, but no 1 takes any kind of initiative to make me live with my husband. He comes once in a week, and sleeps the whole day. In the evening we goes out from the house. He does not take me aany where for a refreshment after my marriage. I just become fed up. Does not talk to me properly. Does not take care of me. Does not give me money properly. Does not allow me to go my parents. My mother-in-law does taweej on my husband, so that he does not feel any love or affection for me. Sometimes my husband behaves rudely with me without any cause.

    Please help me.

    • Salam alaikum,

      If your husband is not fulfilling his obligations towards his wife, he is doing wrong. But please remember, taking you out for refreshment is not an obligation; caring about you, taking care of your financial needs, taking care of your emotional needs, taking care of your physical needs are part of his obligation. So, be careful in demanding.

      Talk to your husband about your rights. You may even involve elders of both families to discuss this. Pray to Allah for His help. Ignore what mother-in-law does. Concentrate on what you should do. Now that does not eman you should misbehave with mother-in-law. No; you have to ensure that you don’t do any wrong action. And then leave all to Allah.

      Insha’Allah all will be well.

      Jazak Allah.

  129. aoa. Im married for two n half years and im a working woman. Im having problems in my marital life. My husband is not educated and partially runs business of his father. He doesnt have proper routine of attending office or bringing finances for me, as money is wholly solely controlled by his father. Before marriage, a complete different picture of my husband was shown. Notheless, i ignored his shortcomings, n lived peacefully with him. My issue is that my husband doesnt spend a penny on me. He depends on the money i earn and considers no obligation to fulfill financial needs of his pregnant wife. He is also fed by dictates of his mother n father. I have no presence in house just because my husband gives me no respect. He wants my parents to look after my every financial requirements. He ignores me infront of his parents and makes a point that none of my demands are met. Things
    became worse when i got pregnant. Hehasnot spent a penny to welcome new arrival. Please tell me how should i cope up with such complicated inlaws and husband.im

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

      My first question to you is: Why are you working?

      Answer me honestly about this, and then we can talk about other problems highlighted by you.

      Jazak Allah

      • aoa
        im working because i want to build up a career for myself. I ade it clear to my inlaws thst i will continue working. And after marriage my job is my obly source of sistenance. coz my HUSband refuses to spend on me. partially because all finances are controlled by his parents.
        his mother us feeding him all negativity for me so that he stays away for me. sHE tortures me with her hypocrisy.
        Plz tell me how can i win heart of my husband so that he gets out of clutches of his mother

        • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

          Please allow me to say that this approach of present day women who are career-oriented is not a good approach to be in a ideal situation as a wife. If your husband does not spend on you and you have no means to live, for you and for your kids, then you have the right to take any action, be it working or be it against your husband. But laying a condition before marriage that you will be working, doesn’t rhymes with Islamic principles. Well, some might differ with it, specially modern day career-oriented women, but it doesn’t change the reality.

          Coming to your second problem about how to get your husband out of clutches of his mother. Please note that mother is not a demon-figure as you are portraying. Do not try to take away a son from his mother. If your mother-in-law has some wrong-doings, address them in a dignified manner. Talk to them openly, involve other seniors of the family, have a sense of little bit compromise/sacrifice/adjustment, try to be with haq (i.e. truth), pray to Allah for His help, and leave the rest to the Almighty.

          Think upon your own strategy before blaming others, my sister. Interrogate yourself before crying out your despair to the world. Pray to Allah for help. Read QUr’an for guidance. Learn what responsibilities Allah ahs ordaine don a married woman in Qur’an. Try to follow the rulings.

          Insha’Allah all shall be well.

          May Allah set your affairs right.

          And Allah knows best.

  130. Salam walikum brother/ sister .. I got married 2 years before and my husband is a good person .but my mother n law and sister n law are not good. My mother n law does black magic on me and my husband that we should always fight with other and I should leave my husband. Nowdays I am getting more problems n my life. In anger I m running frim d house and I dnt understand y I m behaving lik dis. I m getting depressed everyday and my husband understanding his family members r good. I m very worried I gav 2 kids.

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

      It is very difficult to comment about your problem when we have only 2-3 lines of details about your problem. The only suggestion we can give right now is that remain close to Allah, pray to Him for help as much as you can, do not do anything wrong from your end, and leave the rest to Allah. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      Feel free to write back to us in case you need any advice on any specific matter.

      Jazak Allah

  131. recently my brother sent me an sms that made my husband furious. he then told me that my son cannot go to my parents house anymore until my brother is living there and he threatened to divorce me if i dont listen to him. he severed all ties with my brother and he dont want to meet him ever again. my brother even sent him an apology message but he ignored it.
    I told my husband on the hadith on the importance of kinship, “Prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam that our deeds are presented to Allah every Thursday night and anyone who has severed family ties has all his good deeds rejected”. But even after reading this hadith, it didnt have any effect on him. still he continued to threaten me with divorce.
    By talking with my husband, trying to make him understand, even my father who was strong, broke into tears. and my mother was disappointed.
    whatever i talk now to him now he doesn’t seem understand nor does he want to understand. every single time he just keep threatening to divorce me. im deeply hurt and helpless. some advice would be greatly appreciated

    • Salam alaikum,

      Your husband has no right to stop you and your son from meeting your parents, siblings and other blood relatives. If he doesn’t allow you to meet them, it is injustice towards you. You have the right to not to bear this injustice and talk against it, even if it means facing a divorce.

      Involve seniors/elders of both families and tell them in light of Islam about what are the repercussions of not keeping good relations with blood relatives. Stick to ways of Allah. Pray to Allah for help. Insha’Allah all will be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  132. I am 31yrs old, and husband is 48 yrs old we have been married for 5yrs now. And during the marriage I was not able to conceive. After several check up, the doctor confirmed me ok, but my spouse has low sperm count and that the chances re very slim. Now my family is asking me to leave him because he has 3 children already and I had non yet. And couple with the fact that he has been accusing me of not been faithful without evidence. Now I don’t want him to have any intimate relationship with me. Please am I been fair if I opt out of this marriage.Thank you

    • Salam alaikum,

      It is totally up to you if you want to continue or leave your husband on this matter. Having a child is a genuine reason, and if your husband lacks on that matter, I don’t think you will be wrong to seek separation and get re-married to someone else. However, remember that as long as you are his wife, you cannot deny him physical intimacy.

      And Allah knows best.

  133. Asalam U Alikum
    I had posted my matter earlier also and you had suggested me, as the matter is My wife left me without any reason from my home and went to her fathers home. i requested her all the time and our elders have discussed on this matter but his relatives are not giving her a single chance to come back. They are deviating her mind from me and i talked a few days before to her as she told me as i can not come back because i cannot openly face my parents and relatives. my parents and relatives are not allowing me and i dont have that much of capacity of power that i can come back,
    we are seperated from last 5 months and i dont want to leave her as their family is pressurizing me to Divorce her but i am not ready for that.
    i want to be with her for my rest of life and i dont want to leave her…
    now please suggest me what i should do and how the matter can get sorted out and can i continue my maritial relation as the period of IDDA had already gone,
    Please sugest the better and what are the responsibilities do i have to take care in this situation.

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

      I did not understand why you are saying that period of Iddah has gone? Unless you divorce your wife by your mouth or in written form your end, the divorce doesn’t take place. Even if your wife stays away form your for a year or more, still she will remain in your Nikah. Therefore, you need to first understand this clearly.

      Now coming to your next query about what responsibilities you have to take care of and what should you do in such a situation. You know your situation best, so you are the best one to decide what should be done. I can suggest you from Islamic do(s) and don’t(s) point of view only.

      Do ‘Istikhara’ before taking any crucial decision. Pray to Allah for His help. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      Jazak Allah.

      And Allah knows best.

  134. Asalam u alikum
    Thanks for providing me reply.
    I got my reply as you told me that if my wife will stay away from me for a year or more she will be in my nikah. I am quoting one Hadith Can u please eloborate as my wife is staying away from me for more than four months as it is by her will and i always asked her to come back.
    Narrated Nafi: Ibn ‘Umar used to say about the Ila (which Allah defined (in the Holy Book), “If the period of Ila expires, then the husband has either to retain his wife in a handsome manner or to divorce her as Allah has ordered.” Ibn ‘Umar added, “When the period of four months has expired, the husband should be put in prison so that he should divorce his wife, but the divorce does not occur unless the husband himself declares it. This has been mentioned by ‘Uthman, ‘Ali, Abu Ad-Darda, ‘Aisha and twelve other companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) .

    As per the above mentioned hadith it is mentioned four months…. pls eloborates and co relate with my matter

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      The hadith which you have quoted has got nothing to do with your situation. This hadith is about Ila. I have explained about Ila in detail in the subject article. Let me clarify it again:

      ‘Al-Ila’ refers to an oath taken by a husband that he would not approach his wife for a certain period. This is referred to in following verse of Qur’an:

      لِلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِنْ نِسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ فَإِنْ فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

      “Those who take oath not to have sexual relation with their wives for four months, then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” – (Aayah No. 226, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

      This is something which husbands and wives should be careful about. If a husband announces Al-Ila, then he has to complete the period he has announced. But there is something which requires caution related to this. Refer to following hadith:

      Narrated Nafi: Ibn Umar (RA) used to say about Al-Ila which Allah defined, “If the period of Ila expires, then the husband has either to retain his wife in a handsome manner or to divorce her as Allah has ordered.” Ibn Umar (RA) added, “When the period of four months has expired, the husband should be put in prison so that he should divorce his wife, but the divorce does not occur unless the husband himself declares it. This has been mentioned by Uthman (RA), Ali (RA), Abu Ad-Darda (RA), Aishah (RA) and twelve other Companions of the Prophet (PBUH).”
      (Hadith No. 5290, Book of Divorce, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7).

      This tells us that the maximum period for a safe Al-Ila is four months. If someone announces Al-Ila for a period less than four months, he can take back his wife. But if the period of Al-Ila exceeds four months, then it becomes obligatory on the husband to divorce his wife after completion of the period of Al-Ila.

      Therefore, if in your case had it been you who had sent your wife away form you due to your anger and an oath that you shall nto see her for so many days etc., then this would have been applicable to you.

      I hope this clarifies your doubt.

      And Allah knows best.

  135. assalam o alikum ,i have been married since one and a half year,,and its a love marriage,,but after marriage he keeps me like a prisoner,,nd not allow to meet me with my family and relatives,,if i do so he put alligations,,and suspicious and if i argue he got angry and beats me harshly,,,his sister is also living with us she also put his participation to provoke him,,i have been very kind to all of them and did all the things to make my marital life peaceful,,but last time i came to my parent home,,and when get back he started quarreling and put many alligations,,nd beated me harshly that i got bruises,,that day i left my home and i have been living with parents since three months,,my brother that he send me back on certain written rules,,which he did not accepted and did not contacted me,,i love him alot but now my case is in court for khula,,,i need help ,,can u help me what to do,,,i m very uoset but i dont want separation but my husband is not caring about that i did not talk to him since three months,,but i also cant live like the way i was living at their place,,please help me as soon as possible

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

      You say that you don’t want separation, but at the same time you say that your case/request for Al-Khul is in court. this is contradicting. If you don’t want separation, then why have you applied for Al-Khul?

      What help you expect from our end? We can only make dua for you, Insha’Allah. May Allah help you and set your affairs right. Make dua to Allah for His help sister. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  136. Asalam alaikum
    I am in my iddah period and there is this man that has been disturbing me that he wants to marry me. And I told him the situation am in but he insist that I accept his gifts even if I am yet to accept his offer. Please advice what should I do.

    • Wa alaikum Salam Warahmatallah,

      It is not allowed to send a marriage proposal to a woman during her Iddah period (ref. Aayah No. 235, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Qur’an). So, if the man is among your relatives etc., let him know directly/indirectly (preferably) about this ruling.

      The best thing is that you maintain a distance with the man during the Iddah period. Do not accept gifts; be strong and blunt in refusing.

      Pray to Allah for His help. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      May Allah set your affairs right!

      And Allah knows best.

  137. i have married at last month … what should i reciete the surah or amaal for not getting diveroce and being happy till my death because i love my wife as more as i cant say in my words……. allah ke vastee mere email pe amaal or surah boliyeh… reply me as soon as possible.. allahhafiz

  138. I am getting jealous to my husband guy friend. I want him to stop being friends with him. He is good guy actually. But every day off his friend will call and will ask to go with him. Then i will be left sad and alone. What should i do?

    • Sister, you should talk to your husband about this matter. Tell him that you also need his time. Talk to him with care and affection; don’t appear to your husband as someone who tries to block his freedom. Give him some time to understand. Adopt patience. Pray to Allah. Insha’Allah all will be well.

      Jazak Allah

  139. Dear Admin,

    I am alhudulillah a practicing muslim and I offer my prayers and read and understand the quran as much as i could. My problem is a very unique one. My wife complains of me that i dont talk to her and discuss the quran and hadith and other religious matter. Based on this issue that she has, she said that our marriage is not working out for us and that we should not be living together. As far as I am concerned. I love studying the quran and hadith extensively but i am just not that person who could talk about it all the time. I like to pray and study silently whenever i feel motivated. Just because i cannot easily open up to people and discuss it out with them, my wife thinks what i said above. I just started studying this and i dont really know how to discuss it out with my wife or someone else for that matter. I cant come up with content like that to speak about. What do you think i should do to solve this problem.

    • Salam alaikum,

      Allah ahs given everyone a unique personality. You seem to be an introvert person, so there is nothing to complain about. It is up to Allah; He creates everyone as He wishes to.

      However, as a husband it is your duty that whatever you study about Qur’an and Sunnah, you teach/discuss with your wife also. Whom shall she look to for understanding if her husband doesn’t teach her? It doesn’t take a big effort for a husband to open up and talk to his wife.

      Please try to do as she is asking. Try to discuss teachings of Qur’an with your wife. Let her also benefit from your studies. This will be beneficial to your eternal as well as marital life, Insha’Allah.

      Make dua to Allah for His help in this matter. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      Jazak Allah.

  140. assalam o alikum, need your advice dear brother, I have been married for 22years. Now when I go near my wife, she says she needs to pray, so I should not be intimate with her. Does it mean in that if you are getting old you should not be intimate with your wife. Please advise if I am doing something sinful, I do not want to stop my wife from her prayers.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      No, you are not doing any sin. Right to intimacy is your right which you should get from your wife; and your wife should respect this. She should not ignore you, as she will be sinful by doing so.

      There is no need to stop your wife from her Ibadah. However, she should maintain a balance between her Ibadah and her responsibilities towards you.

      Pray to Allah for His help. Insha’Allah all shall be well.

      And Allah knows best.

  141. Assalamualaikum,

    Actualy i want to know about physical relation betwenn husband & wife.

    # Do a wife can suck husband’s penis, if it is dry and clean? Please advise.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Allah says in Qur’an:

      “They are libas (i.e. body cover, screen, dress) for you and you are the same for them.” – (Aayah No. 187, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

      The relation of husband-wife is an exceptional relation where the two have no Hijab among them. They are said to be screens or dress for each other.

      Allah further tells us:

      “Your wives are a tilth for you; so approach your tilth (i.e. have sexual relations with your wives) when or how you will…” – (Aayah No. 223, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

      Thus, Allah has given liberty to husband and wife to enjoy sexual relation with each other as in whichever way/manner they both like. However, some restrictions are being placed along with this liberty, which are as following:

      1. Sex should not be done during the days when the wife is menstruating. This ruling is based on following verse of Qur’an:

      “…so keep away from women in their courses and do not approach (have sexual intercourse with) them until they are clean…” – (Verse No. 222, Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter No. 2, Holy Qur’an).

      2. Anal sex is prohibited. Several ahadith can be quoted in support of this ruling.

      Apart from these two prohibitions, Islam allows husband-wife to enjoy sex as per their desire. The specific question asked by you needs to be assessed at your end. It is a matter of cleanliness and hygiene. One should take decision carefully in such matters.

      And Allah knows best.

  142. Assalamualaikum, I got married in 2010 July at which time I was in the UK and my parents & my younger sister were back home & my older sister was living in the Middle East. I met my wife through my cousins family here in the UK where her entire family is & had an arranged marriage. from the time we got proposed my wife was very close with all my family members & even helped them financially without telling them it was her & made it out as me.
    Straight after we got married within 5 days I don’t no wat happened my mum & sisters started accusing her of saying rude things to my sister and at that point I reacted very badly and beat her. However she didn’t show it to anyone and was normal with them. Then I got back to UK after a couple of weeks. From then on they kept accusing her of so many things, but I knew how she was, she would talk to my family daily & even force me to talk to them, at that time I had some financial issues. So not only was she taking care of my family, she was taking care of my parents as well. & as time went on my wife was pregnant and I found out she was saving up for my younger sisters wedding without my knowledge. During this my mum, younger sister and older one all kept treating her very badly & I reacted badly a few times when my mum cried, however she never responded to them but would cry & we did have arguments due to this. As my younger sisters wedding approached my mum kept nagging for money at which time my wife was nearing our 2nd child’s delivery, she gave all she had, even the aqeeqa money she saved up for the new baby. Ever since my younger sister got married she’s treating both me & my wife disrespectfully especially infront of her husband, I cannot say anything as I fear it will hurt my mums feelings. Taking all this bullying for 4 years, my wife finally opened up and said to my sister ‘don’t talk like that to me & especially your older brother in front of your husband’ for which my sister swore at her and pulled my wifes entire family in to it and swore at them, even then my wife didn’t say anything back. ‘But neither did I’!. After a couple days later she turned the story upside down and told my mum that my wife swore at her to which my mum rang my mother In law & made her cry. But still I couldn’t do anything. It’s been a few months But she’s talking to my parents normally but she doesn’t talk to my younger sister, & my older sister doesn’t talk when she rings. Even though till today we r still living a normal life with my 2 daughters, every once in a while she sits and starts crying thinking about this, she always cries and we have arguments because of this. She’s angry with me because even after everything she sacrificed & did for her & my family I didn’t do anything or say anything when my sister swore. I m worried about my parents, I don’t want to hurt their feelings by supporting my wife. I m planing to visit back home in a couple of months & my younger sister will probably come as well from the Middle East, she’s worrying that I will force her to talk to my sister after all this. To be honest I have done that before in the past. I no I probably will if my mum says anything. Please advice me on this.

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Your message is long, but the essence of it and the answer to it is very simple and short.

      Allah asks us to respect our blood relations. SO, no one can ask you to cut off ties with your sister or mother or any blood relative. If your wife asks so, you should not oblige.

      At the same time, Allah asks us to stand up for justice, even if it means that by doing so we will have to go against our parents. So, if there is a dispute between your wife and your sister, and you know that your sister is wrong and your wife is correct, then it is your duty to support your wife in such a case. By doing so if your mother feels bad, then it is her problem. You cannot support wrong just for the sake of pleasing your mother.

      The situation you have described seems to be solely because of your inability to stand by your wife when she was right and needed your support.

      Think what is right, who is right; and then take a course of action.

      May Allah help you.

      And Allah knows best.

      • JazakAllah for ur reply, firstly I no I m in the wrong the only thing that hurts me is to see my mum cry, even if she’s wrong. I can’t take it. Secondly from the bottom of my heart I can say from the day I got married till today not even once has my wife told me to cut anyone off my family, infact she’s the 1 to sort everything out when there’s a problem between my family members. After u sed that word I just had to tell u this Bcoz it kept hitting me so hard. She was there for me every step of the way. So many situation where I wud fall she will be the only person to pick me back up, even though my sister and parents had the capacity to do so, they always stood back. I just don’t no wats rong, I know she’s always & I m literally saying always rite. But every time my mum gets emotional & blackmails if u hurt me & if u hurt ur sisters it’s as if u hurt me and u’ll go to hell for that, I just take a step back. My wife never says about me breaking ties with my sister but she’s scared I might force her to say sorry to my sister & I ll make her talk to her in front of every1, wen my sister didn’t even have the will to say sorry for wat she said. My wife wants her respect , I understand that but still.. I don’t no. Even now she’s planing to take both my parents to India for treatment & as a trip as a surprise. I no in my heart no girl in this world is like her, infact my own sister split her husband from his family just Bcoz her mother on law asked her 2 cook.. I no I see all this yet I m ungrateful. I don’t no wat to do. I don’t have the guts to say anything to them.
        I appologise my msgs are long. After a long time I had to spill out everything that was in my heart to some1.
        Thanks for your advise.

        • Salam alaikum brother,

          All you have to do is to get closer to Allah. Do what is right according to Allah. And make sincere dua to Allah for His help.

          Emotions should not be entertained if they come as a hindrance/obstacle in way of justice.

          It your duty/responsibility to ensure that your wife lives a respectable life with you.

          May Allah help you out from this situation.

  143. My husband is a good man by heart and love me and do take care but he smokes and drink alcohol, he says he is a businessman and sometimes have to do entertainment. when he drinks he totally ignore me and come back wee hours drunk. i cannot take this as alcohol is haram. i want to change him and gave him many chance but he still do this. I scold him very badly and left house as i cant take it sometimes. He never pray and i was try to tell him so many time. I get so angry and scold him very badly . am i doing the right thing? how can i change him?

    • Salam alaikum,

      Consumption of alcohol is prohibited in Islam. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) categorized it as one of the major sins. If your husband drinks alcohol, he is committing a grave sin. You should try to talk to her as much as it requires; talk to him about what Qur’an says about alcohol. Talk to him what the Prophet (PBUH) said about alcohol. Alcohol is the mother of all evils. Try to convince him from getting rid of this sin.

      Secondly, you said that your husband doesn’t pray at all. This is yet another big wrong he is doing. Salat is one of the biggest pillars of Islam. Qur’an says that Salat keeps us away from Al-Fahsha and all wrongdoings. Talk to him about the importance of Salat for a Muslim.

      Do not be harsh in your talk with your husband. Try to be calm and affectionate. Try to think whether there is something lacking from your side as a good wife. If yes, try to improve upon that. Try to get elders of both families involved in this matter.

      Above all, make dua to Allah for His help.

      If after all your efforts your husband doesn’t care to mend his habits, you have the right to leave him. In such a case you can ask him for divorce/Al-Khul.

      May Allah help you in this matter.

  144. Assalamualaikum, i am from Bangladesh. I was married 2011 july by arrange marriage. We love each other so much. My wife is so friendly with my parents. My family was so much happy family. In this year 2014 after 3 years our marriage suddenly she change her attitude by motivate her mom. All time her mom call her and she motivate many things by her mom. Now my wife go her father home and she tell me that she will not come to me but she has no any reason. She want separate family from my parents. Her parents was also separated from her grand father. Her parents and grand father had no good relation. She just act as like her mom did with her father in past. I tell her clearly it’s impossible by me. Then she tell me she will not come to me and she do not want divorce also. Her parents are support her. Now i am alone at my home 1 month without any contact with her. My parents are feel so much tention about me. My parents want look happy at me. I do not want separate from my parents and i do not want divorce also. We have no contact 1 month and she know i miss her. She just want to use my emotion for separate from my parents. What should i do now??

    • Wa alaikum As Salam Warahmatallah,

      Your wife’s behavior is absolutely wrong. She is trying to separate a son from parents, which is a sin. You cannot listen to her. Your approach towards this matter should be based on following verse of Qur’an:

      “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (then) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means. Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” – Verse No. 34, Surah An-Nisa, Holy Qur’an.

      This verse establishes the responsibilities and rights of husband-wife in a married relation. Wives should be obedient to their husbands. And if they are not, husbands are allowed to take certain steps, as specified in this glorious verse, to bring their wives on right path.

      If even after your all steps your wife sticks to her unreasonable stance, then you should divorce your wife. You cannot choose your wife over parents, that too in a case where your wife is wrong.

      Act according to rulings of Islam; keep aside emotions.

      May Allah help you come out of this situation.

      And Allah knows best.

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